Blessing of the Backpacks

It gets me every time. 

The blessing of the backpacks. 

The first year, it was the whole concept. 

Last year, it was the opening of hands to receive the blessing. 

Yesterday, it was my sweet 5th grade friend Caius. 

After admitting that he was not looking forward to going back to school, 

He announced that the only thing he was looking forward to was seeing his teacher. 

He added his friends as a PS. 

“But mostly my teacher,” he said—

His teacher who looped up with his class because she liked them so much—

His teacher whom he knows and loves because she knows and loves him as well. 

 

…

 

I spent at least three hours over the weekend typing up my class lists and making my grade book. 

It would have been much easier to ask my data manager for the lists electronically and then to copy and paste them, 

But typing out the names allowed me to remember. And pray. And feel out class make-up. 

It was a step in processing the beginning of the year. 

It was an exercise in patience and perseverance. 

It was a simple gesture of love. 

 

…

 

I teach over 600 students per year.

Learning names isn’t always easy,

But I do my best to learn names because names are important.

Names help us feel seen and heard and valued.

Caius’s teacher sees him, hears him, and values him.

She is why he wants to go back to school.

 

…

 

If I could be the reason that just one of my students wants to come back to school,

Then it would all be worth it.

Just one of those names.

Just one of those little people.

If I’m there for just one student to feel safe,

And seen,

And heard,

And valued,

Then I am there for the world.

…

 

Oh God: Help me hold to the one. Even if I never know which one it is. Amen.

Jump To Conclusions

 

I woke up singing a song from an Mickey Mouse Club record.

The song is called, “Don’t Jump To Conclusions.”

It’s sung by the once-popular Annette.

She sings:

“Don’t jump, jump to conclusions.

It always brings delusions.

So be careful gals and guys

Take this tip and you’ll be wise

If you wanna minimize

Confusion”

 

I think this is wise advice.

 

I’m trying to remember it myself.

On Donnie's Birthday

 

Our brains are weird.

They remember random things from decades ago

But can’t remember what we did last week!

 

Today is one of my best friends from growing up’s birthday.

 

His mama was my piano teacher,

So I spent a lot of time at his house,

Hanging out before and after lessons.

 

One afternoon, we stood in the kitchen and

Ate an entire block of fresh mozzarella cheese.

 

Another afternoon, we sat in his room and

Talked about the contents of our wallets.

 

We went to church together.

We played in the band together.

We were in our first stage production (Godspell) together,

And we helped paint the set together.

 

My senior year of high school,

He drove three hours to take me to the prom.

He arrived in bedazzled Tevas.

I should have known then that he’d become a successful fashion designer in NYC!

 

Our brains are weird.

They remember random things from decades ago

But can’t remember what we did last week!

 

Who is someone special that you remember today?

One of your childhood best friends? A college friend? A former colleague? A family member?

What is a special memory that you hold of them?

It might be random like eating a block of mozzarella cheese or talking about wallets,

Or it could be more poignant, like driving three hours to show up.

 

Regardless,

When it’s all said and done,

The memories that we have and the stories that we tell

Are all that we have to hold to on this earth.

 

Dear God: Thank you for our memories. For laughter. For smiles. For tears. And thank you for the people in our lives with whom we share those memories, both good and bad. Amen.

End of Summer Blues

 

Today is my first official day of the 2024/2025 school year. 

 

Maybe I should sugar coat things and say that I’m ready. 

But I won’t. 

And I’m not. 

 

I struggle with change and a lot changed at work over the summer,

Not the least of which was my classroom. 

It makes it hard to find my bearings and to firmly plant my feet on solid ground.

 

Also, while I’m grateful to be an able bodied and minded teacher in America,

The responsibility sometimes feels overwhelming.

We are responsible for the physical, mental, and emotional safety and well-being of

Hundreds of little creatures, 

Many of whom carry deep trauma wounds,

And come from backgrounds of abuse and neglect, 

In a society that values guns and hatred and violence and cut offs 

And does not know how to cordially disagree. 

We have limited financial support and resources, 

Politicians out to defund public education and to thwart equity for all races, religions, and socioeconomic levels, 

Critics at every door, ready to find offense and broadcast it on social media, 

And hands tied behind our backs with discipline. 

We are charged with being experts in our fields yet questioned when we stretch minds. 

We are expected to wear the hats of nurses, firefighters, waiters, event planners, writers, editors, cheerleaders, actors, law enforcement officers, and super heroes, 

Ready to put our lives on the line for our students, 

Which we do, 

Because it’s what we do. 

 

But sometimes. 

The thoughts are overwhelming.  

 

And today,

This first day back after a much-needed respite from the grind, 

During a major episode of the End of Summer Blues, 

Is one of those days. 

 

Don’t fret. 

I am fine. 

I am greeting the day, and the year, with as much positivity and hope and courage as I can. 

I am smiling and hugging and greeting my colleagues whom I am glad to see. 

And when the students come next week,

I will do my best to remember names and welcome them back to the one place where many of them feel happy and safe. 

 

It’s just. 

Sometimes it’s hard. 

For all of us.

Not just teachers.

And I think, sometimes, it’s helpful to name that much. 

 

Oh God, on days like today, grant us the strength, hope, courage, and light to name what we’re feeling and then to push through, one moment at a time. You have called us to have life abundant. Help us to live into that abundant life, always. Amen. 

Why Do I Do This?

 

I mindlessly click. 

Facebook. 

Work email. 

Personal email. 

Inbox. 

Junk mail folder. 

Bank accounts. 

Text. 

Back and forth. 

Back and forth. 

As if something new is going to pop up in the minutes since I last checked. 

Why do I do this anyway?

 

I hold my breath. 

I scroll my feed. 

What has someone said now?

Is it true?

Is it uplifting?

Is it asinine?

Does it make my blood boil?

Does it punch me in the gut?

Do I respond?

Why do I do this anyway? 

 

I lay in bed. 

I toss and turn. 

My legs jump. 

My mind wanders. 

I fall asleep and 

Dream of going to work naked 

And arrows being shot at my head and

Fires being extinguished. 

I wake up every hour 

And wonder where the cat is. 

I’d like a cat. 

Why do I do this anyway?

 

I wonder about the meaning of life. 

Change the world. 

Eat, drink, and be merry.

I wonder about God. 

Moralistic God of holiness and judgment. 

Loving God of creation and grace. 

I wonder about the purpose of it all. 

Experience goodness. 

Experience worship.

I wonder if anything matters in the end. 

Why do I do this anyway? 

 

Generalized anxiety disorder. 

Major depressive disorder.

Stress. 

Change. 

A society of heightened emotion. 

Political turmoil. 

Religious trauma. 

A culture of fear. 

That’s why I do it. 

 

But the question still remains:

Why do I do this anyway?

 

Oh God: I want to be a better steward of my time and thoughts. Help me be a better steward of my time and thoughts. Help me focus on you. Help me focus on Love. Amen. 

Courage Revisted

 

Last year as summer ended and the school year began,

I wrote about courage.

 

Quoting a Celine Dion song, I wrote:

 

“Courage, don’t you dare fail me now

I need you to keep away the doubts

I’m staring in the face of something new

You’re all I’ve got to hold on to

So, courage, don’t you dare fail me now.”

 

I went on to write:

 

Courage: the ability to do something that frightens you.

 

Courage: the mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty

 

Courage: the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, new things, etc., without fear; bravery.

 

Courage: being a public-school teacher in a society that constantly tries to undermine the importance of diversity, equality, accessibility, experience, and education.

 

I add this year:

 

Courage: starting again in new, smaller space and trying to figure out how to make it work.

 

Oh God: Shed light on this new year and grant me the courage to face the year with steadiness, hope, and belief in the work that I do. Help me to stand boldly for what is good and right and help me to educate my students’ whole selves. Grant courage to my colleagues as well, and grant courage to my students to face the year with an openness for growth and learning that results in healthy and whole human beings. Help us all to navigate through the fears, doubts, and worries that are setting in as a new school year begins, and help us to land on the possibilities of what can be when we face the year with You.

 

Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. Do everything in love. (1 Corinthians 16: 13-14)

 

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” (Deuteronomy 31:6)

 

Amen.