Jump To Conclusions

 

I woke up singing a song from an Mickey Mouse Club record.

The song is called, “Don’t Jump To Conclusions.”

It’s sung by the once-popular Annette.

She sings:

“Don’t jump, jump to conclusions.

It always brings delusions.

So be careful gals and guys

Take this tip and you’ll be wise

If you wanna minimize

Confusion”

 

I think this is wise advice.

 

I’m trying to remember it myself.

The Journey of Writing

 When I was in the 8^th grade,

My Sunday School Teacher gave me a journal for graduation.

On the inside cover,

It said, “Congradulations.”

I used that journal to record middle and high school songs and poems,

And I’ve added many other journals to the collection since.

I used to write a lot of songs and poems.

I still have many of the rough drafts—

Scribbled on yellow legal paper, or napkins, or envelopes, or anything I could find to write upon.

These days, I write less by hand and more on the computer.

I also write less poetry and more prose.

I’ve never been a diary keeper or a fiction writer,

But I enjoy reflecting upon “life, work, and spirituality.”

I think my love for writing began during my junior year of high school,

When my English teacher, Mrs. Royal, encouraged me to write.

My senior English teacher, Mrs. Smith, continued the encouragement,

But then I got to college where my freshman English professor, Dr. Colby, dealt me a major blow:

My only B in my undergraduate studies.

I could not write a thesis statement to save me!

I spent many hours in Dr. Colby’s office,

Talking, crying, working, trying to become a better writer.

For a year after that class, I remember being hesitant to write.

I was afraid my writing wasn’t good enough.

I was afraid that I was going to fail.

Thankfully, life brought me out of that depression and I wrote more freely again.

When Live Journal was a thing, I posted dramatic posts of my life and work at the time.

When I was in Divinity School, one of my favorite classes was the Ministry of Writing, taught by Dr. Cartledge.

When Facebook became a thing, and I finally joined,

I wrote to give glimpses into the life of a full-time vocational minister (although I wasn’t called a minister at the time).

That was almost fourteen years ago.

I have written two notes per week almost every year since,

And I have watched my writing style change over time.

At Johnsonville, I held a weekly writing competition to get students writing.

I didn’t care about the quality of their writing as much as I cared they were writing!

At GW, I have taken it upon myself to become the point person for the Young Authors Writing Competition.

I have a vague memory of writing for the competition when I was with Mrs. Royal,

So when I became connected with it again,

I knew that I wanted to encourage my students write.

This year, GW had 16 State Writing Competition Winners!

Thanks to a handful of classroom teachers,

We had writers from every grade level, and almost every grade level was represented on the state level.

This is huge!

And I am so proud.

And I am so thankful that that middle school girl who dramatically wrote in her “Congradulations” journal didn’t stop writing…

And I hope that she never will.

 

Amen.  

The Great Thanksgiving

 

I grew up in a faith tradition that didn’t much believe in written liturgy.

Even though we had a set order of worship that rarely changed,

We believed, at our core, in the spontaneity of worship.

The welcome, announcements, transitions, prayers, and sermons,

Were all led by the Holy Spirit.  

 

As I’ve gotten away from the faith tradition of my youth,

I’ve discovered the beauty in written liturgy

And I’ve become a fan of writing out my words before saying them when leading worship.

I’ve also become a fan of the predictability of written liturgy.

There is comfort in knowing the words that come next—

The confessions, the songs, the prayers, the creeds—

They hold rich meaning and depth

Just as they hold me in the safety of their routine.

 

Some of the liturgy also makes me stupidly happy!

Every week that I’m in attendance at my church,

Without fail,

I begin to grin when we come to The Great Thanksgiving.

 

The pastor sings:

The Lord be with you.

We reply:

And also with you.

P: Lift up your hearts.

C: We lift them to the Lord.

P: Let us give thanks to the Lord our God.

C: It is right to give our thanks and praise.

 

And then, at least in one version of the liturgy, she continues:

It is our duty and delight

That we should everywhere and in all things

Give thanks and praise to you O Lord

In Jesus Christ….

 

And then she continues with something that I don’t have memorized. Yet.

But I have the whole conversation above memorized,

And I burst into song with it a couple of times a week,

Singing both parts to myself,

Or singing it with a friend,

And finding hope and encouragement and happiness

Each time that I do 😊.

 

God: May we be a people who worship through both spontaneity and plan. And however we find to worship, may we simply do it. For you are good. And you are working with us to create good. And that deserves a Great Thanksgiving. Amen.  

There Was Jesus

I have this image in my mind: A mom and dad are fighting. The dad is using his fists as weapons and His words as swords; The mom is cowering in Fear; The children are behind the couch, Hiding. They are curled into balls, Hoping not to be seen— Afraid… When Jesus comes to Sit beside them, Hold them, and Comfort them in A storm of deep rage. Even there, Especially there, In the darkest of times, There was Jesus. I wish I understood why Jesus doesn’t stop the storms of deep rage all together. I wish I understood why evil is so often allowed to prosper. I wish I understood why darkness so often prevails. And yet I don’t. All I know is that somehow— In the midst of it all— There is Jesus. Always. Somehow. There is Jesus. ----- “There Was Jesus” by Zach Williams and Dolly Parton *listen to their version—it’s really awesome* Every time I try to make it on my own Every time I try to stand, I start to fall And all those lonely roads that I have traveled on There was Jesus When the life I built came crashing to the ground When the friends I had were nowhere to be found I couldn't see it then but I can see it now There was Jesus In the waiting, in the searching In the healing, in the hurting Like a blessing buried in the broken pieces Every minute, every moment Where I've been or where I'm going Even when I didn't know it Or couldn't see it There was Jesus For this man who needs amazing kind of grace For forgiveness and a price I couldn't pay I'm not perfect so I thank God every day There was Jesus There was Jesus In the waiting, in the searching In the healing, in the hurting Like a blessing buried in the broken pieces Every minute, every moment Where I've been or where I'm going Even when I didn't know it Or couldn't see it There was Jesus On the mountains In the valleys There was Jesus In the shadows Of the alleys There was Jesus In the fire, in the flood There was Jesus Always is and always was, oh No, I never walk alone Never walk alone You're always there In the waiting, in the searching In the healing, in the hurting Like a blessing buried in the broken pieces Every minute, every moment Where I've been or where I'm going Even when I didn't know it Or couldn't see it There was Jesus There was Jesus There was Jesus There was Jesus

The A-Z Song

Why, yes, I did catch myself mindlessly singing “The ABC Song” on my way home from school today. It’s an occupational hazard—always having a child-sized ear worm in your head. I’ve been singing the ABC’s with my Kindergarteners this week. I like to start with something they know—something familiar to make them feel at ease. But I also introduce them to a slightly different version of the ABC’s—one that comes from a Sesame Street clip where the letter Z is ready to quit the alphabet because he feels left out of “The ABC Song.” Tyra Banks is the host of the clip. She changes the song to “The A-Z Song” and simply makes the ending say, “Now I know from A to Z” instead of “Now I know my ABC’s.” That’s it. Nothing else changes. But the letter Z loves the new song…even though it’s practically the same thing. If you think about it, the letter Z has a point. “The ABC Song” includes all 26 letters of the alphabet, but the three at the beginning seem to get all the credit. Saying A TO Z, though, indicates that there is more than A and Z—that they aren’t the only two letters of the alphabet—but that they are the beginning and the end, the bookends that hold it together. In a time when language is easily accessible and words are seen as toys but then used as weapons; in a time when we must try not to say something politically incorrect; in a time when there is such sharp division that everything is already politically incorrect…words are more important than ever. How we phrase things, right down to the titles of our songs, matters. I suppose it can be argued that the letter Z was being arrogant and that changing the song to include him instead of B and C was being a bit letter-ist. I suppose it can be argued that changing tradition because the letter Z was offended was ridiculous—after all, he WAS represented in the song. There will always be arguments for both sides of an issue. I just hope that my words and my arguments will always land on the side of Christ, for in Christ we are inclusively One, and through Christ, we find the pathways to love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Now I know from A TO Z…next time, won’t you sing with me?

The Greenwood Song

A couple of years ago, on the first day of Kindergarten, my friend Leslie and I wrote a spontaneous song. She played a chord progression on her ukulele. I sang whatever words came to mind with whatever tune came to mind. Before we knew it, the Kindergarteners were asking us to sing the song again! So we did…probably changing it a little along the way. That weekend, I decided to formalize the song and make it into an official school song. I solidified the chords, the words, and the tune. I wrote down the lyrics and made sure to include the school mission statement. I’ve occasionally sung it to myself over the years. But that’s about it. I’ve never done anything with it…until this year. For the past week, I’ve been teaching “The Greenwood Song” to my students. So far, only 11 classes have learned it, but in a few weeks, everyone in the school will have heard and hopefully learned “The Greenwood Song.” Because of lag time and such, my students mostly stay muted during our singing time. As a result, I’d not actually heard any of the kids actually singing the song…until today. During one of my classes this morning, after we had transitioned to a different part of the lesson, one of my students accidently unmuted himself and I heard him humming the tune of “The Greenwood Song.” His humming warmed my heart. And it made me smile. The tune had gotten stuck in his head, too. Just like it’s been stuck in mine. -------- What tune has been stuck in your head, friends? What’s been your ear worm? I’d love to hear!

God Is Love

On Monday, my mom and I recorded a song that she once sang with her daddy.

I’ve had the tune of song in my head all week, but all I can remember of the lyrics is the first line:

God is love.

And so…all week…I’ve been singing…God is love, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh. And so forth.

In a society where actions and opinions are so polarized, love seems beyond wearing a mask for the good for humankind, and bats have returned to the attic after a few weeks’ vacation, I am thankful for the musical reminder that when everything else goes awry, God is love…and, in the end, love really is more powerful than hate.

A Simple Prayer

Lord, I pray for everyone
Whose hearts are broken today
Lord, I pray for everyone
Whose bodies are wasting away

There is so much hurt
And so much pain
There is so much grief
And so much anger
There are so many fears
And so many doubts

Lord we need you
We need you
Right now

You Are

I keep thinking about people who are dying alone.
But I can’t think about it too much
Or else sadness overwhelms me.
So I think about it.
And then I pray for peace.
For the Prince of Peace to go and stand watch over bedsides.
For the Son of Man to manifest himself in the hands and feet of doctors, nurses, and technicians,
For the Light of the World to invade darkness,
For the alone not to feel alone,
But to know that
One is with them who, himself, died
Alone
On a cross so many years ago.
I can’t think about that too much either,
Or else sadness overwhelms me.
So I think about it.
And then I pray for peace.
For the Prince of Peace to come and stand beside me,
For the Son of Man to manifest himself in my hands and feet,
For the Light of the World to dispel darkness,
For the alone of my soul not to feel alone,
But to know that
One is with me who, himself, defeated
Alone
On a cross so many years ago.

-----

I sit all alone in this beautiful place
I fall on my knees but I stand on your strength
Jesus, You, You Are
I don’t understand why you’ve brought me here
To a place I’d run from, year after year but
Jesus, You, You Are

All my days full of motion, Running from here to there
Split devotions, I don’t know how to bear
Yet you’re the Way and the Truth and the Life on this path
The Sovereign Creator, the First and the Last

Jesus, You are the Life of me
You are the Light I need
You are the Great I Am
The Prince of Peace and the Son of Man
You Are

I look around all at this crazy world
Even your children go against your Word but
Jesus, You, You Are
How can just one person make a difference that lasts
When so many people are stuck in the past but
Jesus, You, You Are

Running round in circles trying to bridge the gap
But the weight of humanity is stronger than that
Yet You’re the Rock I can build on, You’re the Image of Grace
The Holy Redeemer, Love’s Relentless Face

You are the Life of me
You are the Light I need
You are the Great I Am
The Prince of Peace and the Son of Man
You Are

Here I Am Again

Most of us know the daily struggle to keep a good appearance in the front of the house. We try to keep that convenient hiding place where clutter can be thrown when guests approach, so that, to all appearances, they will find a neat house. What we don’t want them to see is the disorder in the closet.

We all have a hiding place in our personal lives, too—a place where we conceal what we don’t want others to see. We have ingenious ways of trying to forget what’s hiding—we keep very, very busy; we never take time to think; we seek continuous distractions and stay with the crowd.

But in times like these—when the world has come to a grinding halt—we find those distractions stripped away and there is no place left to hide. All of our junk begins to slap us in the face, and we are left with a decision: either continue to try to stuff it down or begin taking steps to deal with it little by little. For most of us, our issues require years of hard work to work through. But for all of us, dealing with our issues begins by taking the first step.

For me, that first step began with a prayer…

Here I am again
I come to you
I’m sorry for waiting so long

I’ve tried on my own
I’ve fought so hard
But it’s gotten me nowhere fast

I’m scared—I’m frightened of being alone
I’m tired of trying to find my way home
I’m broken in pieces—here’s my heart
I need you to heal me—I need a fresh start

Here I am again
I come to you
But I’m not even sure I know what to believe

I know you are God
That you love us
Yet sometimes it’s hard to see

In this world that thrives on foolish pride
In our churches full of the dignified
We’re the same as we were in years long past
What’s the purpose—can we affect change that lasts

Here I am again
I come to you
And this is all I know to say

Use your love to calm
This weary life
It’s the best that I can pray

I need you to fill this empty hole
That’s been growing inside of my soul
Oh I love you, I love you, I love you so
Yes I love you, I love you, I love you so

Oh God: Here we are. The world has stopped. And we, stripped of all distractions, now have the opportunity to move forward. Help us to take the steps we need to take to come closer to You who can fill the empty, oozing, and/or painful holes in our lives. We love you. Even when we don’t understand. Even when we are angry and hurting. Even when we cannot see or feel you at all. We love you. Amen.

It's Not Up To Me

There’s a lot we don’t know these days. And yet, we want to know. We want to have to it all together. We want to have it under control. It’s human nature. And yet the truth of the matter is that we’re all doing our best to move forward under quarantine. To figure out new ways to live, new ways to connect, new ways to work. And we’re struggling. And it’s confusing. Especially in the world of education. And yet…we’re doing the work. We’re figuring out what is most important and we’re making a way. We’re doing what we can and we’re doing okay. But the rest…it’s not up to us.

Oh, God: When we don’t understand and we don’t see a way. When our world is turned upside down and we’re stumbling in darkness. When everything seems overwhelming and the power of evil seems to consume. You Are. You are working in ways that we cannot see. You are guiding in ways that we cannot comprehend. You are doing what we cannot do. So help us to do that which we can and to leave the rest up to you and to others who must do their part. We love you and place our trust in you, even in the unknowing. Amen.

-----

I don’t have to make them like me
That’s not my call
I don’t have to make them listen
That’s not my call
I don’t have to mend their broken hearts
That’s not my call
I don’t have to save their souls
That’s not my call
And I thank God for it all
‘Cause

I don’t know what to say
and I don’t know what to do
and I don’t know how to act
and I don’t know how to feel
Oh I don’t know what to say
But that is okay
‘Cause it’s not up to me
It’s not up to me (3x)

All I have to do is love them
That is my call
All I have to do is serve them
Even when I fall
All I have to is say
Lord, here I am
Use me for your glory
Lord, use me for your plan
Even when

I don’t know what to say
and I don’t know what to do
and I don’t know how to act
and I don’t know how to feel
Oh I don’t know what to say
But that is okay
‘Cause it’s not up to me
It’s not up to me (3x)

I don’t have to impress them
That’s not my call
I don’t have to make them cry
That’s not my call
I don’t have to be perfect
That’s not my call
I don’t have to know all the answers
That’s not my call
And I thank God for it all

I don’t know what to say
and I don’t know what to do
and I don’t know how to act
and I don’t know how to feel
Oh I don’t know what to say
But that is okay
‘Cause it’s not up to me
It’s not up to me (3x)

Slow Us Down

God has slowed us down. The question now becomes: What are we already doing and what will continue or begin to do with the time?

-----

Tomorrow is today in the crazy world I live
Yesterday rings on right now
One eye focused on the future
One eye focused on the past
I’m blinded to this present life I live

Lord slow me down
And help me see clearly
What I need to see the morning I wake up
Lord slow me down
And help me hear the rain fall
Instead of looking for the sun to come up
Lord slow me down

I do not understand what I do in this life, Lord
What I want to do, I don’t do, but what I hate I do
It is no longer you who has control of me
It’s my humanness, it’s Satan’s evil scheme

Oh Lord, I’m running to you
With open arms and a searching soul
Oh Lord, I’ve tried it on my own
I’ve wandered so far from home
With persistence I have run
But now I want to

Slow down, so help me see clearly
What I need to see the morning I wake up
Lord slow me down
And help me hear the rain fall
Instead of looking for the sun to come up
Lord slow me down

The Love Of God

Two nights ago, my mom and I finished a puzzle that a friend brought us from Disney World. We all started the puzzle together, worked on it individually, worked on it with kids, didn’t work on it for awhile, and finally finished it after a week’s worth of diligent work. It’s a double-sided puzzle with images from the movie “Up” on each side. The love that Carl and Ellie share is clear in each image…

Sara Groves is my favorite. Her latest full-length album, “Abide With Me,” is a compilation of hymns, and for the past week or more I have one particular hymn stuck in my head: “The Love of God.” She didn’t write the hymn, but her arrangement has made the song accessible to me, and I absolutely adore the second verse. It reads:

“Could we with ink the ocean fill
And were the skies of parchment made
Were every tree on earth a quill
And every man a scribe by trade
To write the love of God above
Would drain the ocean dry
Nor could the scroll contain the whole
Though stretched from sky to sky”

Did you catch that? If every tree in the world were a pen and every person in the world a scribe and every ocean in the world ink and all the sky a scroll…there still wouldn’t be enough people, paper, pens, or ink to capture and contain the love of God!

In other words…
The love of God is bigger than the Carl and Ellie’s of the world,
The young couples in love and the old couples married for 50 years.
It’s bigger than
friends and family,
puzzles and laughter,
work and play,
music and poetry,
politics and religion,
sin and judgment,
gay and straight,
black and white,
race and culture,
rich and poor,
The love of God—
“How rich and pure!
How measureless and strong!
It shall forevermore endure
The saints’ and angels’ song.”

I don’t know about you…but I’m so thankful for the Love of God.

Amen?
And Amen.

Fruit Of The Spirit--Baccalaureate Sermon

I went to Chick-Fil-A for lunch today. As I paid at the drive-thru window, the cashier said, “I think you spoke at my Baccalaureate service last night. You did a good job.” I smiled and thanked her for the compliment and then drove away amazed. A teenager had just freely and willingly complimented me!

I did, indeed, speak at a Baccalaureate service last night. I was asked last Thursday. The message that God laid on my heart during Saturday night’s rainstorm (which is when this picture was made) was non-traditional for a Baccalaureate service, but I hope that it will stick with the students and families that were there last night—and with you right now if you choose to read to the bottom of this post. It is long. But here is my message, “Fruit That Will Last.”

~~~~~

Around the time that you all entered this world, I was involved in a scripture memorization project with a friend. One week, she would choose a verse or passage of scripture to memorize. The next week, I would do the same. We continued this for an entire year.

One of the passages that I chose for us to memorize was the passage that you just heard, John 15:9-17. Now, I'd be lying if I told you that I could still quote the passage word-for-word. I cannot! But I can still quote phrases from the passage and I know that it is one of the passages of scripture that I fall back on time and time again.

Let’s listen to the passage again.

9"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. 10If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commands and remain in his love. 11I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. 12My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends. 14You are my friends if you do what I command. 15I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. 16You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit-fruit that will last-and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. 17This is my command: Love each other…

I can’t be sure, but I imagine that the past few weeks have been full of activity and emotion as you have finally accomplished a goal that you’ve held for 13 years. Last week, at Kindergarten graduation, one of my Kindergarten students announced that his favorite part of Kindergarten was that everyone in his family had attended Kindergarten and that he had been able to carry on the family tradition 😊. In completing high school, some of you have carried on a family tradition while others of you have created a new family tradition. Either way, you have accomplished a huge goal, and for that you should be proud.

Yet accomplishments bring change…and change can be scary. At the time that Jesus delivered these words of scripture, he and his disciples were preparing for a huge change. Jesus knew that the end of his life was near and he wanted to teach his disciples everything that he could to prepare them for his absence. Together, they had accomplished a lot, yet the time had come for Jesus to leave them. So what did he tell them to do in his absence? What were some of his final words of teaching on this earth? Love one another.

And what’s more. What did he call them? He called them friends. Jesus calls us friends!

I think it’s safe to say that we all know the importance of having friends. Friends love and support us. Friends laugh and cry with us. Friends give us rides and show up for us when we need them. Friends stick with us despite our shortcomings. Friends help make life bearable when things are at their darkest.

Sometimes friends come and friends go. That is one of the hardest things I’ve had to learn. Sometimes friendships are temporary—for a reason or for a season. And that’s okay. Yet some friendships are forever. Your friendship with Christ is for forever. It’s important that you don’t forget that, students…because as life changes over the next few months and years, you will need your friends…and you will need Jesus.

What’s more, you will need to remember what Jesus said about laying down your life for your friends. There will be so many times in your future that you feel helpless to help those you love. Whether you plan to go to college, to serve in the military, or to go directly into the workforce, you will find yourself surrounded by people you call friends. You will need each other, yet sometimes the only thing you will be able to do for each other is to lay down your life in prayer.

I cannot tell you how many times I remind myself of these words—greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. When your hands are tied. When your heart is breaking. When you are watching someone fail for the first time. When you feel as if you can do nothing else. Lay down your life in prayer for your friends, students. Jesus has laid down his life for you…and he has sent the Holy Spirit to intercede for you when you cannot find the words to pray…for your friends…for your family....for yourself.

Speaking of yourself…did you notice what else Jesus said about you? Not only has Jesus called you friend, but he has chosen you—he has appointed you—to bear fruit—fruit that will last. No. Jesus does not necessarily expect you plant fruit trees that will produce a yearly harvest—although some of you will become farmers that provide the crops that help sustain us, and I thank you for that.

Jesus expects us to bear spiritual fruit—characteristics of the Spirit—that influence people’s lives from season to season. In Galatians 5, we read that the fruits of the spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Can you image what this world would look like if we all strived to live our lives according to those virtues?!

Listen to the list again—the list of fruit that Jesus has appointed us to bear—(insert motions with the words here)—Love. Joy. Peace. Patience. Kindness. Goodness. Faithfulness. Gentleness. Self-control.

Now. I could go into what each of these words means and how you can apply them to your lives. But I’m not going to. Instead, I’m going to teach you a song that will teach you the Fruits of the Spirit that will get stuck in your head and allow you to ponder what each fruit means in your life. For instance, self-control for me might mean not eating too many Cheet-ohs when someone offers them 😊. For you, it will probably mean something else. So here we go. It’s time to learn The Fruits of the Spirit.

***TEACH FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT SONG***

Banana
Granny Smith Apple
Kiwi
Coconut
Georgia Peace
Mango

You’re welcome, everyone. May you never forget that little earworm…because…seriously, it summarizes what Jesus has called you to do with your life—regardless of accomplishment, award, vocation, or socio-economic status—Jesus has called you to bear fruit that will last…and that fruit is—say it with me one more time—Love. Joy. Peace. Patience. Kindness. Goodness. Faithfulness. Gentleness. And self-control.

So…do you see why I chose to memorize John 15:9-17 all those years ago?

Jesus calls us friend.

Jesus tells us that when can do nothing else, we can lay down our lives for our friends.

Jesus challenges us to bear virtues that not only change the world but change us.

And, finally, Jesus commands us, above all else, to love each other.

He didn’t say to separate ourselves from one another because of differences. He said to love each other despite our differences because that is what He came to do.

Students: As you begin the next chapter of your life, I pray that you will remember that you are loved and called by a God who has chosen you—yes, YOU—to do great things in this world—the greatest of which is love.

There will be times when you are on a roll and cannot seem to do anything wrong. Then there will be other times when you run into wall after wall and feel as if you will never do anything right again.

Yet though it all, your call remains the same: Go and bear fruit, my friends, fruit that will last. For this is God’s command: Love each other.

Four Disjointed Thoughts From An Overfilled Brain and Heart

For a week or so, two birds made our porch their night-time home. They didn’t build a nest. They didn’t stay during the day. They just perched on a ledge at night and bird-slept. Each night before going upstairs to bed, I opened the front door and said, “Good night, birds. Sleep well.”

Sometime over the past couple of days, though, one of the birds has gone missing. Still, each night, one of the birds comes to sleep. And each night, I open the front door and say, “Good night, bird.” And then I go on to add, “I’m sorry that your partner is gone, bird. I hope he comes back.” And then I feel sad.

I don’t like seeing partners left alone—human and animals alike.

-------

Bullet can be outside for hours. He can have the freedom to roam wherever he wants and use the bathroom as much as he wants. And yet. Nine times out of ten, he will not poop unless I go outside with him. *I shake my head.*

--------

Another day
Another year gone
How did we get here?

It was just yesterday that we were saying
Welcome
Let’s get started
We’re on our way
That new beginning is now ending
How did we get here?

Seasons change
Minutes fly
Arms stretch to catch time
But it can’t be stopped.

Time can only be embraced--
Celebrated,
Each day a gift,
A new day,
Forged by yesterdays
That’s how we get here.

-------

O Merciful God,
Have compassion.
O Merciful God,
Redeem.
O Merciful God,
Save.
O Merciful God, have pity upon us,
Now,
Speedily,
And at a near time.
Amen.

--Jewish Prayer

Let Your Heart Be Broken

“What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.” Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds. You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder.” --James 2:14-19

Let your heart be broken
For a world in need:
Feed the mouths that hunger,
Soothe the wounds that bleed,
Give the cup of water
And the loaf of bread—
Be the hands of Jesus,
Serving in His stead.

Here on earth applying
Principles of love,
Visible expression—
God still rules above—
Living illustration
Of the Living Word
To the minds of all who’ve
Never seen or heard.

Blest to be a blessing,
Privileged to care,
Challenged by the need—
Apparent everywhere.
Where mankind is wanting,
Fill the vacant place.
Be the means through which the
Lord reveals His grace.

Add to your believing
Deeds that prove it true,
Knowing Christ as Savior,
Make Him Master, too.
Follow in His footsteps,
Go where He has trod;
In the world’s great trouble
Risk yourself for God.

Let your heart be tender
And your vision clear;
See mankind as God sees,
Serve Him far and near.
Let your heart be broken
By a brother’s pain;
Share your rich resources,
Give and give again.

“I think that’s my new favorite hymn,” Rebecca said.
“Mine, too,” I replied. “Mine, too.”

May we each move faith to action, and may we spend more time standing for than standing against. May we stand for Love, and may we trust Love to push out everything not good, right, or life-giving. Amen.

Forgiveness Is A Tricky Thing

A friend mentioned Little Rock, Arkansas, in passing earlier today. Ever since she mentioned it, I’ve been singing the song Little Rock by Collin Raye.

Strangely enough, Little Rock is one of my favorite songs. It’s led by keys. It’s real. And raw. It’s the confession of a broken man longing to be whole again. It’s the heart of a guilty man longing to be free:

Well I know I've disappeared a time or two
And along the way I lost me and you
I needed a new town for my new start
Selling VCR's in Arkansas at a Wal-Mart
And I haven't had a drink in 19 days
My eyes are clear and bright without that haze
I like the preacher from the Church of Christ
Sorry that I cried when I talked to you last night
…
I don't know why I held it all inside
You must've thought I never even tried
You know your daddy told me when I left
"Jesus would forgive but a daddy don't forget"
…
Lying here upon this motel bed
My thoughts of you explode inside my head
And like a castle built upon the sand
I let love crumble in my hand
I think I'm on a roll here in Little Rock
I'm solid as a stone, baby, wait and see
I got just one small problem here in Little Rock
Without you, baby, I'm not me

No. I’ve never been married or struggled with alcoholism. I’ve never moved to Arkansas or worked at Wal-mart and I’ve never had anyone’s dad tell me that Jesus would forgive but a daddy don’t forget. But I have watched relationships and friendships crumble. And I have lay in bed with thoughts exploding in my head. And it’s so hard—knowing that something is broken—but being helpless to fix it—save for a humble, trying heart, and an honest, open spirit.

I don’t know if Little Rock tells a story that really happened or if it was written to be a good song. Either way, I find myself wondering: Did the person on the other end of last night’s crying forgive him?

Forgiveness is such a complicated thing. There is the person who has done wrong and the person who has been wronged. Sometimes the person who has done wrong doesn’t think that he/she has done wrong and sometimes the person who has been wronged thinks that he/she deserves the wrong. Sometimes the person who has done wrong doesn’t care to fix the wrong even if the person they have wronged is offering forgiveness. And sometimes offered forgiveness isn’t received for fear of strings attached—because sometimes strings are attached instead of flowing unconditionally.

For those of us who have grown up in church, we know that God offers unconditional love and grace—free, a gift, no strings attached. We also know that we should live as Jesus lived—with unconditional love and grace. Yet Jesus does something peculiar in John 5. The text reads:

Some time later, Jesus went up to Jerusalem for one of the Jewish festivals. Now there is in Jerusalem near the Sheep Gate a pool, which in Aramaic is called Bethesda and which is surrounded by five covered colonnades. Here a great number of disabled people used to lie—the blind, the lame, the paralyzed. One who was there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?” “Sir,” the invalid replied, “I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.” Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.”

Did you see that? Jesus asked the man if he wanted to get well. In other words, in order for the man truly to be healed, the man first had to want to be healed. It wasn’t enough for Jesus alone to want to do the healing.

The man in Little Rock wants to be healed. He is singing his desire for forgiveness from the core of his being. Does the partner in the song forgive him? We don’t know. But I dare say yes—because I want to believe that his partner’s offer of forgiveness met his openness of receiving forgiveness at exactly the right moment…and then that they kept working at it together.

Do you want to be healed?
The pool = living water = dive in?
Do it? Accept it?
Grace, forgiveness, love.
Is there.
Do you want to be healed?

Amen.

Love's Broken Record

I’m afraid that sometimes I sound like a broken record.

I get a word, phrase, or thought in my mind and then share it aloud to whoever will listen. Sometimes the word, phrase, or thought will become part of my everyday vocabulary and/or belief system. Other times the word, phrase, or thought will pass after the record is changed.

I fear that my few faithful note readers and choir members receive the brunt of these mental skips—these recurring themes that I can’t easily let go.

I know that the choir heard one such skip as we prepared for December’s Christmas cantata. “Once you’ve found the love of Christ,” I’d say, “you can’t un-see it. You can’t un-know or un-feel it. Once you’ve experienced the peace of Christ, no matter what else happens—no matter how hard things may get—no matter how dark they may become—you can’t forget it. Because once you’ve experienced the light of Christ—really experienced it—you truly are changed.”

I’m pretty sure that I said something like this every time we practiced the song, “Once You’ve Seen The Star.” And I’m pretty sure that I got goose-bumps (also known as Holy Ghost Bumps) every time we sang it.

I suppose it’s no wonder, then, that I found my eyes filling with tears as the choir sang during worship yesterday morning. After a two week break during which the choir took a much-deserved break, we came together and remembered the song that connected to my heart two months ago and created a broken record that very well may never leave my mind.

Once you’ve seen the star lighting up the sky of a cold dark night, hope cannot be far
Once you’ve seen the star, like the dearest friend you have ever known, it bids you come, it leads you home…
Once you’ve heard the song of an angel choir, heaven touching earth, singing peace has come
Once you’ve heard the song, when it’s in your heart and you know it’s true, it lifts you up, it carries you…
Once you’ve found the child, every fear and doubt—come and lay them down to be reconciled
Once you’ve found the child, oh you can’t un-see, un-know, un-feel—for life is new and love is real.
Once you’ve found the child…

For better or for worse, there are many things that we can’t un-see, un-know, un-feel.
The birth of a baby.
The death of a loved one.
The moment of receiving joyful news.
The moment of receiving terrible news.
A successful achievement.
A frightening fall.
There are many things that change us.
There are many things we cannot forget.
Yet none is so powerful as encountering the
Pure, deep, unconditional love of God
Through the peace of Jesus Christ.

Friends: I hope that you’ve experienced this Love.
And I hope that you will forgive me when
Love’s Peace is my broken record.

Between The Lines

I’m a really bad dancer. But I appreciate really good dancers. I suppose it’s no wonder, then, that I enjoy watching both Dancing with the Stars and So You Think You Can Dance. I enjoy watching the dancers improve each week and I enjoy seeing the unique musical interpretations of the choreographers. Most of the time, I watch the dances, smile, and casually give my civilian critique. Yet every once in awhile, I watch the dances, cry, and find myself so completely moved by emotion that I can’t say a word. That’s what happened a few years ago when I first saw, “Between The Lines.”

I still remember the package that played before the dance. The choreographer asked the two young dancers to reach into a place that connected with the darkness of addiction. They were challenged to feel very deeply and to put themselves into the emotional space of not being able to overcome that which was controlling them. I remember the male dancer being profoundly impacted by the dance—being pushed to tears by the connection that was so powerful that it radiated from his dancing. And I remember watching the dance in awe—sitting in stunned silence—tears filling my eyes—because I got it—and then I watched it again—and again—and again—because, each time, I got it.

I get wanting to move beyond fears that paralyze…
I get wanting to shake off chains that bind hands behind a wounded back…
I get wanting to break free of the power of negative self-talk…
I get wanting to leave failure behind and walk forward in peace…
Yet having fear, chains, negative self-talk, and failure come from behind and grab hold of me until I can do nothing but stumble forward—or collapse under their weight.

Drugs, alcohol, unhealthy relationships, playing the victim, playing the martyr, disordered eating, cutting, picking, burning, self-harm, gambling, pornography, chocolate, texting, Social Media, money, violence, work, power, sex, control…

It’s all the same yet all so different yet
I get the strange addiction of staying with those things that I know—
even if what I know is slowly killing me.

I get those moments when that strange little monster of everything I hate rears his ugly head,
comes out of hiding, and hijacks all sense and sensibility…

I get those gut-wrenching jolts of human reality that slap me in the face with everything I thought I’d moved beyond and pick me up and leave my legs flying pointlessly in the air…

I get those dark days when all that is hiding between the lines comes out of remission and begins its cancerous quest to take over all that is good and right…

And those days are hard.
Human reality is hard.
Strange little monster moments are hard.
Addictions are hard.
Fear, chains, negative self-talk, and failure screaming are hard.

And sometimes all I can do is pray for God to read between the lines of my broken heart’s prayer: Dear God. I can't. You can. So please, Lord. Have your way. And help me to be all that I cannot. Amen.

How Are You?

Many years ago, a coworker asked how I was doing. I lied and said, “Fine.” She said, “That’s great to hear.” I thought, “What if I told her how I was really doing? What would she do then?”

Shortly after that encounter, I wrote these words:

What if I told you I’m a sinner and just yesterday ~ I drank till I blacked out on my black couch just to take the hurt away ~ And when I woke up to my family, the kids were crying, my husband not home ~ What is this thing I call life? I hate my life. I need help, but I’ve nowhere to turn. What if I told you?

What if I told you that I’m angry. I’m a liar, a gossip, a cheat. I steal from my company, look at pornography. I’m a glutton. I’m full of greed. I’m a criminal, an adulterer. I’m divorced. I’ve aborted a child. I don’t walk the straight path. I feel all alone. I’m depressed, I question and doubt. What if I told you?

In the years since that conversation and those words, I’ve learned a lot about humanity. Sadly, one of the biggest lessons that I’ve learned is that many of us just don’t care. For many, “How are you?” isn’t a question asked to warrant an answer. “How are you?” is simply another way to say hello. I always think it’s funny when someone says, “How are you?” and I answer, “Ill,” or “Aggravated,” or “In a really bad mood,” and the person responds, “That’s good,” and keeps going on his/her way, not hearing the answer at all.

I’ve found, too, that while some of us want to care, many times we don’t know how—or something inside of us is so broken that we can’t. If the conversation moves too far beyond the surface, we often change the subject or shut down. It’s easier not to talk about feelings and emotions than it is to dive into the difficult messiness of life. Or when we do open up, because we’ve decided that we can trust someone, we are often met with responses like, “Do you have a counselor?” or “Have you prayed about this?” or “Don’t worry about it. God is in control. Things will be just fine,” or *silence,* or “I have no respect for you,” or “You are too intense. I need space,” or, “I just have no desire to be friends with you,” or *I don’t know what to do with what you just told me, so I’m going to tell someone else…who tells someone else…who tells someone else.*

And then we’re left hurt. And betrayed. And living with the sore reality that maybe it’s better to lie than to tell the truth of, “How are you?”

The thing is?
I actually really care to know the answer when I ask, “How are you?”
And I stupidly want people to care to know my answer to the same.
And I’m not very good at lying.
And being genuinely shallow or shallowly genuine is not something that comes easily to me.
And so I struggle to be genuine,
To respect boundaries and time,
And I continue to sing “What if I told you?”
And try to let go all of the times that the answer has gone wrong.

Oh God: Living in this world of broken humanity is hard. You tell us to love unconditionally, yet so often we fall short and/or end up hurt. Help us to know how to love—truly, deeply, genuinely—even when the practicalities are not clear. Help us to know when to speak and when to stay silent. Help us to know how when to hold on and when to let go. Help us to be good friends and lovers. And help us to genuinely care how others are doing—even when it means that we must sacrifice a few moments of our day. We can’t do this alone, God. We need your help. Daily knowing that you truly care—always care—how we, your children, are doing…Amen.