Tribute to Dolly

 

I don’t remember the exact date. 

But I remember the exact moment that I heard that Rich Mullins had died.

I was sitting in my spot in my music history classroom in college.

I was waiting for class to begin when one of my friends came in and told me the news.

I was devastated. 

Rich Mullins was my favorite singer songwriter at the time and I had recently seen him in concert.

His life and work made a huge impact on Christian music and his legacy is still celebrated today.

 

I imagine it will be the same with Dolly Parton.

I may not remember the exact date that I heard of her death,

But I will remember the exact moment.

I was walking to car duty when a colleague stopped me in the hall and said have you heard the news?

I said what news? 

She said Dolly Parton died.

I didn’t know if it was some weird joke, so I asked if she was being for real.

She said yes, that it was for real, and my immediate response was,

“Oh no. I need to check on Heidi the Librarian.”

 

I like Dolly Parton.

I have a few songs of hers on my playlist, and I respect the impact that she made on country music and the world in general.

But I wasn’t a super fan.

Heidi was. 

Just recently, Heidi had written Dolly and asked for her autograph for a student, her sister, and herself.

As a thank you for the autographs,

Heidi sent Dolly a coat of many colors that she had made out of tin. 

Heidi saw Dolly’s new musical in workshop twice.

She drove by Dolly’s home in Nashville and teaches about Dolly every year.

At the beginning of the week,

We were talking about going to Broadway to see Dolly‘s new show. 

We were talking about waiting until opening weekend because Dolly would be there. 

Dolly won’t be there now,

But I know her spirit will be alive and well.

 

When you love someone, 

A friend, a family member, a partner, a colleges, 

Your heart breaks when their heart breaks. 

My immediate response to Dolly‘s death was not my own grief or the tremendous loss to the world—

Because Dolly Parton really was a positive life in this world.

My immediate response was my friend. 

And somehow,

Knowing what I know of Dolly, 

I think she’d be proud. 

 

Take care of your people today, friends. 

And in the spirit of Dolly,

Spread light, love, kindness, and children’s books 

And know that 

Everything’ll be okay. 

 

Amen. 

Jewelry Spreadsheet

I have a lot of jewelry.

Nothing is worth much monetarily,

But most of it holds sentimental value. 

Because of that sentimental value,

I have a hard time changing my jewelry. 

And so I end up wearing the same pieces over and over and over again.

 

Necklaces are the most challenging.

I currently have on the ; that my friend Cris the Bookkeeper gave to me.

Not only does the piece means something to me because Cris gave it to me

But also it literally means something.

The ; means that the story is not over. 

It means that depression and anxiety do not have the final word.

When I see someone who has a ; I point to my necklace in solidarity. 

It happened just the other day with a parent at school. 

 

But I have lots of other necklaces.

I even have full sets of matching jewelry—

Ring, necklace, earrings—

But I’ve never worn a complete set because I don’t have a spare finger or a spare neck or a spare hole in my ears, 

Although I do have 12 holes in my ears. 

 

The logical thing would be to simply change my jewelry and wear different pieces ever so often.

That way, I’m honoring the people who gave me the jewelry or the time that I purchased the jewelry 

While cycling through it all. 

The thing is: 

I’m terrible at remembering to change it, 

Even when I want to. 

I even tried putting myself on a monthly schedule. 

I failed. 

 

Maybe I need a spreadsheet. 

 

Amen. 

Parking Lot Dancing

I was driving home from Sanford last night when I got stuck in some road construction.

 

While waiting for my turn to go, I looked to my left, into the Sheetz parking lot, and saw a woman standing there alone.

 

She had a backpack and a water bottle in her back jeans pocket.

 

Watching her, I noticed that she was starting to dance. 

 

Small dance moves turned into large dance moves until she was putting on a full dance show.

 

It was clear that she was not in her right mind.

 

She was either drunk or high or having a psychotic break. 

 

At one point, she walked into the road and I was afraid that she was going to be hit by oncoming traffic.

 

She went to the truck in front of me, banged on the window, and then turned and walked back to the parking lot.

 

I didn’t know what to do but watch in horror  and pray that she wouldn’t get hit.

 

Jes the Doctor called the police. She wanted them to check on her and get her to the appropriate place that she needed to be.

 

I see a lot of situations that make me feel sad but that I don’t know what to do about.

 

Homeless people. 

People walking on the side of the street.

Stranded motorists. 

Parents yelling at their children and children yelling at their parents.

An older person sitting alone at a restaurant.

 

Sometimes I see these situations and I think that I should do something.

But I don’t know what to do.

And so I normally just end up feeling bad and offering prayers of protection and companionship, and love 

And then hoping that that’s enough.

 

Life is not black and white

Answers are not always clear. 

Sometimes people get high to escape their reality. 

And then sometimes they dance in the parking lot, completely oblivious to the world, 

Leaving people like me feeling sad and helpless. 

 

Oh God, 

Help us all. 

Amen. 

Poetry Competition

For the past couple of years, I have entered the Lee Regional Fair poetry competition.

 

As part of the guidelines for the competition, it says that the poem, any form, any topic,  could be used for promotional purposes.

 

That made me think that the poem should be something about the fair—something to do with family, fun and celebration—something to do with Fall. 

 

As such, I have written poems specifically for the fair. 

 

The first year, they gave me an honorable mention even though they didn’t even have a first, second, or third place winner.

 

I don’t think they wanted to give me any money.

 

Last year, I think that I might have gotten third place?

 

The first and second place poems had nothing to do with the fair or anything that could be used as promotional material

 

I don’t recall what they were about, but I remember thinking, I’m going to turn in a non-fair poem next year.

 

I have a gazillion poems. Most of them from the past few years have been haiku, so I revert back to my younger years, when my poetry was longer and I somehow had more to say. 

 

In Fall 2004, I wrote:

 

Love’s Peace

 

Green transitions to orange and red

A gentle breeze caressing skin

As eyes close to rest in the moment.

 

It’s unspoken understanding that transcends the whats, 

Whats filling the silence only as nervous energy drawn by

Connection too deep for words.

Beauty lives where senses are heightened and

Awareness of creation is so real that it dances a waltz for the very first time.

Whats fade into the background as

Sweet fragrance takes center stage and

Presence becomes undeniable.

 

Capture the moment in picture—

Oils or pastels or watercolors feverishly transforming canvas

From barren white to radiant color.

Capture the moment in song—

Harps or drums or keys bursting forth from soft rustle

Creating vibrations so simple and powerful and they invoke passionate tears.

 

Green transitions to orange and red

A gentle breeze caressing skin

As eyes close to rest in the moment.

 

Humility envelopes any thought of pride:

There is Love much bigger than life and

Love’s Peace decorates the world today.

 

—-

 

I would like for love’s peace to decorate the world today. 

 

And I would like to win the Lee Regional Fair poetry competition. 

 

 

Amen 

A Relationship With A Friend You Can't See

 

I recently had a friend ask me how we’re supposed to have a relationship with Jesus when we can’t see him.

 

My friend knew all of the church answers: read the Bible, have a devotion time, pray, go to church.

 

But my friend was still struggling with the concept of a relationship with someone that we cannot directly encounter with our senses. 

 

I had no real answers for my friend. It IS kind of crazy if you think about it—

to say that  we’re in relationship with someone who lived, died, was resurrected, and ascended into heaven almost 2000 years ago. 

 

Relationships are two-sided and take time and personal encounters. 

 

How do we know when our invisible encounters with Jesus are real versus made up experiences of emotion?

 

We talked about Trinity God.

 

We talked about the Holy Spirit moving and working and breathing life in mysterious ways.

 

We talked about following Jesus’s life and example of steady love, hospitality,and grace. 

 

We talked about seeing God’s presence in the diversity of creation.

 

I challenged my friend to take one minute out of their commute and not listen to music or podcasts or ruminate on the days tasks and worries but to focus on exactly what they see: 

 

The trees, the cows, the houses, the mailboxes, the street sign, whatever is in front of them…

 

Because being present in the moment is what Jesus called us to do.

 

Being present in the moment, with feet firmly planted on the ground, is the best way that we can live the lives that God has given us to live.

 

And living our lives to the fullest, I think, is the best way to have relationship with the God who breathed life into us and continues to sustain life around us. 

 

I didn’t have a solid, sure answer for my friend that day. And I don’t have a solid, sure answer right now.

 

But I know that, for me, a relationship with Jesus comes through silence, presence, worshipping within a community of faith and considering the stories of scripture together, and trying to do the next Christ-like thing. 

 

What about you? What would you have said to my friend? I’d love to hear. 

 

And if you have no relationship with Jesus because it makes no sense to you, I’d like to hear that too. 

 

And…go! 

 

Amen. 

Gone But Not Forgotten

I do a beginning of the year slideshow each year to introduce myself and my rules to my students. 

 

I tell about my family, my hobbies, and my summer and I answer questions as they arise. 

 

Ever since starting this tradition a few years ago, I have introduced Annie as my cat. 

 

The kids have always ooohed and ahed at her beauty and then they proceeded to tell me about their pets. Inevitably, someone says that they used to have a pet but that something happened to it, and then that starts the stories of pets dying. And then someone usually gets sad. And ever so often, someone bursts into tears.

 

So I had a dilemma on Friday when I opened my slideshow for its annual update. 

 

Did I leave Annie’s picture and count her as my pet or did I delete Annie’s picture because of her unexpected passing on Thursday?

 

I didn’t want to erase her, but I also didn’t want to feel a stab of pain looking at her and knowing that she wasn’t here.

 

And I certainly didn’t want to intentionally explain that she got sick and that I had to put her down because of the aforementioned stories and tears.  

 

In the end, I took out her picture and simply said that I have one cat, Siggy Ray. 

 

I’ve had some of my students since kindergarten, so if they’ve paid attention over the past many years, then they should know that Annie is missing. 

 

So I’m prepared to be asked about her. I’m prepared to explain that she got sick and died. I’m prepared to accept that there may be a catch in my voice and that I may have to take a moment to pull myself together. And I’m prepared to put the car backs on the track after they derail!

 

But that doesn’t mean that it’s going to be easy.

 

I’m going to see the slide five times a day for five days and be reminded that she’s not with me anymore.

 

And I’m going to miss her even more in those moments than I do now. 

 

Grief demands that it be felt, but grief challenges us to keep going.

 

So I will keep going.

 

Moving forward does not mean erasing a life.

 

Moving forward means taking the memories of what was and carrying their good parts into what will be.

 

And so that’s what I will do.

 

I will frame Annie’s paw print and picture and I will remember. 

 

She was not a perfect cat. But because she was Annie Mae. She was my cat. And I loved her. And love doesn’t die as easily as taking down a picture from a slideshow. 

 

Remember: 

Love and goodness live on. 

Seen and unseen. 

No matter what your grief today. 

 

Amen.