The Power of Human Touch

For a couple of years at JES, my morning duty was to stand in the hallway and greet students as they arrived at school. During those years, I gave and received a lot of hugs. Countless students needed to start their days with hugs. One of my students, T, even needed a kiss on his forehead.

Because I do car rider duty every afternoon at GES, I don’t have a morning duty. Because I don’t have a morning duty, I don’t give and receive morning-duty hugs. I’ve fully begun to realize the implications of this reality over the past few weeks, and I’ve realized that I feel a slight disconnect with my students because of it. Truthfully, I’m not sure that some of my students know that I care about them.

So I did something different as my most challenging class entered my room this week: I greeted each student with either a wave, a fist bump, or a hug. Students got to choose which greeting they liked. I expected a lot of fist bumps and waves. Instead, I received hugs from over 85% of the class. I was genuinely surprised by this response, and I was surprised at how tight and how long some of my 4th grade students held on.

I think sometimes we forget the power of human touch.

I know that I must be careful. Touch has too often been used to hurt and abuse, and only God knows what my students see and feel at home. But I think I’m going to start trying to give more hugs, or waves, or fist bumps.

I need for my students to know that I care.

What is something you want to start doing? What led you to your decision?

One Finger Touch Hug

Amy and I met at camp.
Hugs are a common greeting at camp.
For years, Amy and I hugged whenever our paths crossed.
Then I learned that Amy really doesn’t like hugs.
She was just being kind—to me and everyone else in the world.
So I stopped hugging Amy.
But one day I needed a hug.
Amy knew it.
Amy said, “Do you need a hug?”
Pitifully, I said, “Yes.”
So Amy reached out her pointer finger and touched me on the top of my arm.
It was an ET phone home gesture.
My pointer finger just wasn’t ready to connect on the other end.
“There,” she said smiling.
I needed a hug so badly in that moment, that I actually felt the little touch expand over my body.
Then I laughed.
A pointer finger touch hug—
That is classic Amy.

Amy is partially deaf.
I talk about Amy whenever I teach about Beethoven.
Beethoven slowly lost his hearing until he was completely deaf.
I know that I talk about Amy whenever I talk about Beethoven.
It is a natural connection that allows me to intelligently talk about how Beethoven could read lips.

This morning, as I was greeting students in the hallway, I saw a 5th grade boy try to hug a 5th grade girl.
It was a very innocent hug—one of those, “I haven’t seen you in awhile and it’s good to see you” hugs—but the girl was having nothing of it.
As she stood there with her arm outstretched, I heard her say my name.
I thought she said that she was giving a Ms. Deaton hug and I thought that she had confused me with another teacher who prefers to give high-fives.
But then I realized what she was actually saying and doing:
“I’m giving one of Ms. Deaton’s friend’s hugs.”
And she was.
She was giving an Amy pointer finger touch hug!!!!!

I have NO IDEA when I told my students about Amy’s hug!
I have no idea WHY I told my students about Amy’s hug!
Did I tell a class? Were we talking about ways we can share peace?
Did I tell a small group of students? Were we talking about boundaries?
Did I just tell her? Did something she said spark a memory?
I really don’t know!
But I know that she remembered my words.
And I know the whole thing makes me smile.

God: Thank for friends and for laughter. And thank you for giving me the opportunity to share my life and stories with my students. Help them always to remember the positive—to latch on to the good—and to spread love and peace in this world…even if it’s one pointer finger hug at a time. Amen.

Little Love Monsters

I think I’ve accidentally created some little monsters.

I’m pretty sure that my favorite artist other than Barb the Art Teacher, Fabio Napoleoni, could sketch an image perfectly depicting the monsters’ creation. In fact, I’d commission him to do this sketch if I had the money to pay for it!

Picture me standing in the front hallway of the school, right in front of a set of double doors that are placed at the intersection of a T.

Picture a 36 inch stool in front of me, my Willard sitting on top of the stool, me working on morning announcements while monitoring the comings and goings around me.

I open the door for bus drivers, stop wayward parents from going too far into the building, speak firmly to kids loitering in the bathroom, say good morning to both students and staff over and over again, and give quite a few hugs.

It’s in the saying good morning that I’ve accidentally created little monsters.

I have one little monster who hugs me every morning and stays right beside me until I kiss him on his forehead. I’ve written about him before.

I have another little monster who slowly walks toward me every morning and pretends not to be waiting for me to say, “Good morning, handsome,” but is really waiting for me to say, “Good morning, handsome,” at which point a tiny, almost unnoticeable smile appears on his face and he proudly walks to class.

I have one little monster who expects to see me in place each morning, lest her morning start in anxious tears.

I have at least five little monsters who stop for a hug every morning and many more who stop at least a couple of times a week.

I have a handful of 5th grade boy monsters who like to walk past and speak to me about random 5th grade boy things. Last week, when the question of the week was to write about someone you admire, one of those boys wrote that he admired me for teaching him music and for always making his mornings better. Now. Sometimes I get answers that I’m pretty sure are written to sway my opinion toward that student’s writing because the student wants a prize. For instance, a student once wrote that if he could go anywhere in the world then he would go to Beethoven’s house :-). But what got me about my 5th grade morning monster’s answer was that he added the little detail of me making his morning better. Until that moment, I’d not considered my 5th grade boy conversations overly important. But evidently, they are. Right down to conversations about shoes and hair cuts.

Friends, I have accidentally created a bunch of little monsters:

Little love monsters.

It’s one of the greatest privileges I can think for a person to have.

To all of you, especially teachers, who daily create and influence little love monsters, too: Thank you. Thank you for giving love and receiving love and teaching others to love in such a way that differences are accepted and quirks embraced and personalities nurtured exactly as they are.

Amen.

Hug

Hug is a pillow that my friend Krista made me a few years ago. She stuffed the inside of a sweatshirt; sewed together all openings; placed Velcro on the bottom of the sleeves where hands would clasp; and wrote the word “Hug” on the outside. She said whenever I needed a hug, then I could wrap hug around me, attach the Velcro, and have an instant hug.

I thought it was a brilliant idea.

I still think it’s a brilliant idea.

And today, it’s an idea that I offer to you should you ever need to give someone a hug but live many miles away.

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Also…

If you’re considering doing counseling, then be forewarned that you will come face to face with your demons. Your theology will be challenged. Your fears hooked. Your weaknesses exposed. Your patterns of certainty compromised. You will have to feel, reflect, and write when you wish you could stop. But. In it all, your life will change and you will discover strengths that you did not know you had.