Ten years ago, I was a recent Divinity School graduate who was working her dream job and learning the ropes of the vocational ministry career that she thought would be her life’s work. I was living with an 85-year-old widow named Mary who had more energy than me, and we often ate tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches together for supper. I spent many nights either bundled up in my Snuggie or in full-body flannel pajamas because Mary kept the house so cold, and I binge-watched “Touched By An Angel” on the Hallmark Channel before binge- watching became a popular thing.
Fast forward a decade and I am sitting at my desk at school, surrounded by Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and Christmas books. I have just come in from car-rider duty where I waved and smiled enthusiastically at my car-rider parents whom I feel a strange connection with. I spent the middle of my day teaching about Beethoven and the aforementioned Hanukkah, but I began and ended my day with the Gingerbread Man. What a cute yet unlovable character. Is it bad that I’m glad that he gets eaten by the fox? Or that I think it’s funny when my students get so dizzy that they look drunk while spinning like a dreidel?
[Selah]
If I’ve learned anything in ten years, then I’ve learned that it’s impossible to know what life will look like in ten years. Shoot! It’s impossible to know what life will look like tomorrow. We can make plans. We can make predictions. But the twists and turns of life’s journey are as difficult to project as the those of a country road with no reflectors, late at night, the first time you’ve driven it. And to make things more difficult, you never know when a deer of a situation will happen to you or when you will make a user-error and drive yourself right off the road.
[Selah]
“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matthew 6:34)
I am trying. I am trying to live each moment to the fullest. I am trying to cherish where I am as I am here and not to wish away my present by wishing for a future that I don’t even know how to wish for. If life were left up to me, then it would be pretty boring, because I can’t even begin to imagine the things the Great Artist Creator has yet to create. Some of life’s greatest blessings come unexpectedly. Some of God’s best creations are those that are formed from the dust and rubble of our mistakes…or of the crap that happens to us despite our best regards.
[Selah]
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7)
Peace, friends, peace. And dreidels and Snuggies and Gingerbread Men and binge-watching your favorite shows. Today…and ten years from now…and forevermore.
[Selah]
Showing posts with label being. Show all posts
Showing posts with label being. Show all posts
Monday, December 9, 2019
Thursday, July 16, 2015
He Was Himself
I like movies, yet I seldom actually see them. And when I do, I usually leave wanting to see more because the previews have drawn me in. Sometime last year, at a rare movie theater visit, I saw the preview for The Book of Life. I immediately knew that I wanted to see it and that I wanted to see it with Barb. She does a unit on Mexican art and culture and focuses on Dia de Muertos each year, so I knew The Book of Life would be perfect for us. But guess what? We didn’t get to the theater to see it.
On Tuesday night, I had the opportunity to hang out with some friends. After going to dinner and visiting every pet store in Sanford, we found a Red Box and rented…The Book of Life. I enjoyed it. Barb did, too. And you know what’s really weird? I wasn’t hanging out with Barb! Yes, dear friends, Barb and I ended up watching the same movie on the same night at the same time…completely unplanned and unbeknownst to one another…and it was the exact movie that I’d wanted to see with her!
As Barb and I briefly discussed the movie, she reported that the movie was “close enough” to actual tradition and folklore and I reported that “the story had a good message. He [one of the main characters] overcame his greatest fear. Being himself.”
[This difference in reports actually makes me chuckle. Barb’s is very factual and to the point. Mine is very much steeped in feeling and philosophical meaning .]
The character to which I’m referring and whose name I cannot remember came from a long line of bull fighters. While he, himself, had a true talent for bull fighting, he didn’t love the sport and couldn’t make himself end the fight by killing the bull. As a result, he became a disgrace to his family, and to add injury to insult, he openly shared his love for music—which was seen by almost everyone as a joke. In a pivotal moment in the movie, when a wager was placed that our beloved character could not defeat all of the spirits of bulls killed by all of his ancestors, he made a crucial decision: He decided to use his guitar and voice to sing to the final bull instead of defeating him with his sword. He sang a ballad to the bull and asked him for forgiveness for the sins of his ancestors. The bull forgave him and the spirits disappeared. He won the wager.
Throughout the movie, everyone assumed that our character’s fear was in the act of killing. But that wasn’t it. His fear was in disappointing his family by being himself. His family wanted him to carry on family tradition and live by the bull-fighting sword. He wanted to break family tradition and live by music—and love.
It was only when he chose to be fully himself that he truly faced life and overcame his deepest fear. And it was only in that moment that his family truly appreciated who he was—and they actually embraced him.
Now. For those of you who have seen The Book of Life, you might be wondering if you saw the same movie as me. I just made it sound very serious and meaningful—and that moment was to me—maybe it was to you, too? But the whole movie is actually bright and colorful and centered around a holiday and love story and full of humor. And I liked it. And Barb did, too…as we saw it in two different locations…together…each of us seeing it with eyes that reflect exactly who we are.
On Tuesday night, I had the opportunity to hang out with some friends. After going to dinner and visiting every pet store in Sanford, we found a Red Box and rented…The Book of Life. I enjoyed it. Barb did, too. And you know what’s really weird? I wasn’t hanging out with Barb! Yes, dear friends, Barb and I ended up watching the same movie on the same night at the same time…completely unplanned and unbeknownst to one another…and it was the exact movie that I’d wanted to see with her!
As Barb and I briefly discussed the movie, she reported that the movie was “close enough” to actual tradition and folklore and I reported that “the story had a good message. He [one of the main characters] overcame his greatest fear. Being himself.”
[This difference in reports actually makes me chuckle. Barb’s is very factual and to the point. Mine is very much steeped in feeling and philosophical meaning .]
The character to which I’m referring and whose name I cannot remember came from a long line of bull fighters. While he, himself, had a true talent for bull fighting, he didn’t love the sport and couldn’t make himself end the fight by killing the bull. As a result, he became a disgrace to his family, and to add injury to insult, he openly shared his love for music—which was seen by almost everyone as a joke. In a pivotal moment in the movie, when a wager was placed that our beloved character could not defeat all of the spirits of bulls killed by all of his ancestors, he made a crucial decision: He decided to use his guitar and voice to sing to the final bull instead of defeating him with his sword. He sang a ballad to the bull and asked him for forgiveness for the sins of his ancestors. The bull forgave him and the spirits disappeared. He won the wager.
Throughout the movie, everyone assumed that our character’s fear was in the act of killing. But that wasn’t it. His fear was in disappointing his family by being himself. His family wanted him to carry on family tradition and live by the bull-fighting sword. He wanted to break family tradition and live by music—and love.
It was only when he chose to be fully himself that he truly faced life and overcame his deepest fear. And it was only in that moment that his family truly appreciated who he was—and they actually embraced him.
Now. For those of you who have seen The Book of Life, you might be wondering if you saw the same movie as me. I just made it sound very serious and meaningful—and that moment was to me—maybe it was to you, too? But the whole movie is actually bright and colorful and centered around a holiday and love story and full of humor. And I liked it. And Barb did, too…as we saw it in two different locations…together…each of us seeing it with eyes that reflect exactly who we are.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Orange Paper (non)Sermon
9/11/11
Yesterday = first day in long time home (tried to avoid)
Being vs. doing
• Doing = work “in the ministry” = know what should and shouldn’t do = keep going and working for God because it’s the right thing.
• Being = resting, praying, listening, sitting with life, thinking = uncomfortable sometimes but where, I think, God reaches us and connects us to God’s heart and all of humanity.
Scripture = Luke 10:30-37 = prayed to hear in new way = fresh eyes and ears:
On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”
“What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?”
He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”
“You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.”
But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”
In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’
“Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”
The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”
Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”
What I heard:
• We are ALL stripped, wounded, departed, left half dead (through loss of jobs, abusive homes, broken friendships, depression, stress, weight of world on shoulders, sickness, shattered dreams, betrayal, loss, and more).
• Samaritan looked down upon and judged = knew how it felt to feel stripped, wounded, departed, outcast. When you know that feeling, you know that you never want anyone to feel it and you do what you can to stop it in those around you!
• Maybe priest and Levite were so busy doing things for God that they hadn’t stopped to realize that they were the same as the man beaten.
Samaritan = physically helped AND gave money to do what he could not do. THAT is how Jesus ways to love with heart, soul, mind, and strength.
• Physically helped = called to different things = different gifts and passions for hands on. Ex. Project Help = I am not called to do something in all areas but am called to some.
• Gave money = gave to help restore dignity and worth of the man = we do that, too, when we give our money to missions and causes bigger than ourselves. Our money reaches where our hands physically, literally, cannot.
• Finished his journey = didn’t sacrifice where he was going but still made sure to reach beyond himself = we do that, too, when we follow our individual call but still offer resources and prayers.
Conclusion:
• In being yesterday, bought DVD player = watch “Coach Carter” = modern day parable = HE BELIEVED IN THE KIDS WHEN NO ONE ELSE DID BECAUSE SOMEONE BELIEVED IN HIM! He paid it forward—as we can—and we can pray it forward as well. Let us pray…
• Thank you, Jesus, for coming to live with us—for being stripped, wounded, departed, and left dead for us—for defeating death to live again and making the way for us to live true life—for living with and loving us and giving us the command to love…
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Brave Soul That I Am
Saturday was the first day in a long time that I was in Columbia with nothing to do. To be quite honest, I did my best to avoid spending the day alone. I asked friends to hang out and even considered going home, but everyone was busy and the seven hour drive in less than 24 hours seemed a bit too much. And so I faced the day alone, brave soul that I am.
I’ve been so busy doing lately that I’d forgotten how to be. I’d been going full-speed ahead, doing the work of the ministry, serving others for and with God. I’d been writing and speaking and training and teaching and I’d upheld the moral standards of my call. At the end of each day, I’d gone home and crashed, barely able to keep my eyes open. As I’d drifted to sleep each night, I’d tried to listen for God’s quiet voice as I prayed through my days and weeks…and then I’d had active, vivid dreams. I’d been going to spiritual direction and thinking about spiritual things. I’d pondered and questioned and read and studied and found myself saying, “Dear God,” with almost every breath. And yet...I had been going so much that I hadn’t stopped just to be.
I hadn’t truly been resting, breathing, feeling, grieving, sitting in silence, or acting as if I knew that I had to do nothing to deserve God’s love. As odd as this sounds coming from me who thinks all the time, I hadn’t let the depth of my thinking catch up with me because I knew it might be uncomfortable. I knew I might feel lonely and that the ghosts of negative self-talk might surround me. And so I’d been avoiding just being...
Then came Saturday.
And guess what? I had a really good day. When lonely thoughts came, I just felt them and let them pass. I reminded myself that I’m not alone and that there are people who love me even when they are not physically surrounding me. When my ghosts started to spook me (figuratively, of course), I greeted them, looked at them, asked what they had to teach me, and then told them that I wasn’t going to let them hurt me again. I went for a one hour massage and felt squishy afterwards. I rested and cooked and cleaned and watched HGTV. I finally joined the public library and then bought a DVD player so that I could watch an inspirational movie. Yes, I did things, yet I was really being. I was being because I was doing things solely for the being of myself. I was living my life without demands or expectations from the outside world. I wasn’t trying to please anyone or check anything off of my to-do list. I was engaging in activities that build a life. And I sit here today a stronger person because of it.
I think it’s often easier to do than to be. It’s often easier to keep moving and doing what everyone demands or expects because, that way, we don’t have to figure out who we really are. But you know what? Who we really are—all broken, messed up, ridiculous, contradictory, in process, imperfect, trying—is who God loves. I was reminded of that on Saturday. And I wanted to remind you of the same today.
Monday, August 22, 2011
I Don't Want To Think
The other night, I told one of my friends that I didn’t want to think.
Her response? “Hahahahaha! You don’t want to think?!”
Yes, friends, it’s true: there are times when I don’t want to think.
It’s rare that those times actually occur—because I can turn even a pointless, silly movie or activity into something serious and life-impacting—because I have such vivid dreams that I wake up tired from working all night long—but there are times that I do, indeed, desire not to think.
Right now is one of those moments.
However, I’ve been working on a human exploitation presentation all day, and my mind is, unfortunately, so bombarded with thoughts that it can’t sort through any of them to make enough sense to write a profound note…much less to have a moment of non-thinking.
And so…I will soon leave the office to drive to a fall training event, head full of thoughts, body in a rental Mazda that has a key with a button to make the metal part pop out, and to-do list marked off: Deanna Note (done).
Writing every Monday and Thursday is both a blessing and a curse. Yet it is a discipline that I am glad to have started. And even though I’m not a man, or an elder, or an overseer, I find comfort in these words today…and a challenge to be so much more than I am:
Since an overseer manages God’s household, he must be blameless—not overbearing, not quick-tempered, not given to drunkenness, not violent, not pursuing dishonest gain. Rather, he must be hospitable, one who loves what is good, who is self-controlled, upright, holy and disciplined. He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it. Titus 1:7-9
Her response? “Hahahahaha! You don’t want to think?!”
Yes, friends, it’s true: there are times when I don’t want to think.
It’s rare that those times actually occur—because I can turn even a pointless, silly movie or activity into something serious and life-impacting—because I have such vivid dreams that I wake up tired from working all night long—but there are times that I do, indeed, desire not to think.
Right now is one of those moments.
However, I’ve been working on a human exploitation presentation all day, and my mind is, unfortunately, so bombarded with thoughts that it can’t sort through any of them to make enough sense to write a profound note…much less to have a moment of non-thinking.
And so…I will soon leave the office to drive to a fall training event, head full of thoughts, body in a rental Mazda that has a key with a button to make the metal part pop out, and to-do list marked off: Deanna Note (done).
Writing every Monday and Thursday is both a blessing and a curse. Yet it is a discipline that I am glad to have started. And even though I’m not a man, or an elder, or an overseer, I find comfort in these words today…and a challenge to be so much more than I am:
Since an overseer manages God’s household, he must be blameless—not overbearing, not quick-tempered, not given to drunkenness, not violent, not pursuing dishonest gain. Rather, he must be hospitable, one who loves what is good, who is self-controlled, upright, holy and disciplined. He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it. Titus 1:7-9
Thursday, August 4, 2011
The Ecclesiast Strikes Again
I had a wonderful weekend--attending a Michael W. Smith concert at the Biltmore, eating delicious meals, treating myself to both the Architecture and Butler's Tours at the Biltmore, walking across the swinging bridge on Grandfather Mountain, and going gem mining. I highly recommend all of those activities! I also recommend coming to the mountains for a few days, and walking in a stream, and fishing (if fishing is your thing). Even so, I went to an Alzheimer's Nursing Home Facility on Tuesday, and I've been reading the book Same Kind of Different As Me this week. And, well, my brain has been doing what it does: thinking. Here are some of my thoughts (started on Tuesday night):
If I'm not careful, then I could become fatalistic in my thoughts tonight...wondering the point of it all and such. Like…
I really don't feel like much has changed in history. Humans are humans, wanting the same things from generation to generation. Always thinking that life is busier than ever before, always thinking that things are worse than ever before, always waiting for an end.
Always a gap between rich and poor, always stereotypes and judgments, always bickering and fighting, always some who look after the well-being of others, always some who don't.
I think about the Vanderbilts. George was a nice rich fellow. Thoughtful. Giving. Truly amazing in so many ways. But there were and are so many more not nice ones.
Slavery has always existed. It still does. The forms of things have changed, but the root issues have not.
If we're supposed to be working toward the redemption of the world, then why does it seem like we're getting no closer?
I think…no amount of work that I do. No amount of records or trainings or keeping words or anything has a point in the end.
I’ve had such a good time on vacation—especially over the weekend. It was fun to live in the moment. To be happy. To experience life. But soon it’ll be over and I look around and think of everything that I should be doing. Calendaring and writing and sorting and keeping records and such...and it feels so heavy. Like. I want to go back on vacation. I want to live in the moment--well--as much as this brain allows me to.
I don’t want to always feel behind or like I should be doing something when I want to do nothing but be. Yet…if I didn’t have things to do, then life would be boring. I get that.
I’m not trying to complain. I'm just saying that I wonder what the point of life is. Many people say that life on this earth is just a passing time, that true life is eternal. But shouldn’t there be a point to this passing time? Living it only to see if we pass a test that guarantees us eternal life seems…I don’t even know the word.
Many people say the point of life is to enjoy it. And I guess in the end, that's all there is. Isn’t that what the writer of Ecclesiastes concluded? Might as well live the life God has given us, huh? Rather than lagging behind…
Do you ever have thoughts like these? If so, how do you manage them?
Also…what’s something that you’ve done recently that you have truly enjoyed? What’s something that has made you grateful to be alive (regardless of the point of it)?
If I'm not careful, then I could become fatalistic in my thoughts tonight...wondering the point of it all and such. Like…
I really don't feel like much has changed in history. Humans are humans, wanting the same things from generation to generation. Always thinking that life is busier than ever before, always thinking that things are worse than ever before, always waiting for an end.
Always a gap between rich and poor, always stereotypes and judgments, always bickering and fighting, always some who look after the well-being of others, always some who don't.
I think about the Vanderbilts. George was a nice rich fellow. Thoughtful. Giving. Truly amazing in so many ways. But there were and are so many more not nice ones.
Slavery has always existed. It still does. The forms of things have changed, but the root issues have not.
If we're supposed to be working toward the redemption of the world, then why does it seem like we're getting no closer?
I think…no amount of work that I do. No amount of records or trainings or keeping words or anything has a point in the end.
I’ve had such a good time on vacation—especially over the weekend. It was fun to live in the moment. To be happy. To experience life. But soon it’ll be over and I look around and think of everything that I should be doing. Calendaring and writing and sorting and keeping records and such...and it feels so heavy. Like. I want to go back on vacation. I want to live in the moment--well--as much as this brain allows me to.
I don’t want to always feel behind or like I should be doing something when I want to do nothing but be. Yet…if I didn’t have things to do, then life would be boring. I get that.
I’m not trying to complain. I'm just saying that I wonder what the point of life is. Many people say that life on this earth is just a passing time, that true life is eternal. But shouldn’t there be a point to this passing time? Living it only to see if we pass a test that guarantees us eternal life seems…I don’t even know the word.
Many people say the point of life is to enjoy it. And I guess in the end, that's all there is. Isn’t that what the writer of Ecclesiastes concluded? Might as well live the life God has given us, huh? Rather than lagging behind…
Do you ever have thoughts like these? If so, how do you manage them?
Also…what’s something that you’ve done recently that you have truly enjoyed? What’s something that has made you grateful to be alive (regardless of the point of it)?
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