It's Life. And It's Okay.

 

Jessi the Spanish Teacher leaves for home tomorrow. 

She is so very excited to be able to see her friends and family after a year of being away. 

While she has found an American family who loves her and takes care of her,

There is nothing like her family of origin and her home country of Ecuador. 

We celebrate with her as she returns home

And look forward the day when she comes back. 

 

Shauna the Art Teacher locks her classroom door

One last time tomorrow. 

Shauna is embarking on a new journey and

Going to graduate school next year. 

Her quiet demeanor and patient spirit

Combined with her giving soul and love for life

Will take her far. 

We are excited for her.

We will just miss her. 

 

Tonight, Heidi the Librarian and I

Will join Jessi and Shauna

In a farewell staycation in Raleigh

That will involve food and drinks and Uno and laughter. 

 

We will celebrate successful endings and new beginnings

And the love of family and friends. 

We will celebrate by

Remembering the past and looking forward to the future.

We will celebrate by

Sharing communal stories and dreaming big dreams.

 

As graduation season is upon us,

I imagine that many of you are doing the same:

Celebrating while grieving,

Remembering while looking ahead,

Laughing while crying,

Holding on while letting go.

 

And you know what?

It’s all okay.

 

Because it’s life.

And we’re in it together…

In America, in Ecuador,

In work, and beyond.

 

Amen.

Mandrakes

 

“I know that it’s just God testing us,” she said.

“Maybe,” I said. “Maybe not.”

Then she went on to share the things going on in her life

And reiterated the belief that the tough parts were God testing her faith.

 

“Are you a fan of Harry Potter?” I asked.

“We haven’t watched the movies yet, but we want to,” she responded.

“Well,” I said, “there’s a plant in the stories called the mandrake.

When the mandrake grows, it must be removed from its pot and placed into a bigger pot.

During the process, the mandrake screams terrible screams

Because he/she doesn’t like the process of being pulled from comfort

And placed into the unknown.

I like to liken our lives to the mandrakes.

When we outgrow our circumstances,

Oftentimes after periods of rapid growth that come from difficult experiences,

We need a new place to be.

Yet we kick and scream and throw a fit in the process of being transported

Because it is unfamiliar, new and raw and uncomfortable.

But then, when we finally make it,

We have a new pot in which to continue growing.

I don’t know that God sits in heaven with a clip board and zaps down when it is time for us to grow and change through periods of hardship,

Or if life just happens and God then works with us to create something good from the mess.

I just know that God is a good God, a God of creation,

And that we are sometimes mandrakes screaming against what is best for us in the process.”

 

“Wow,” she said, “I have goose bumps. Thank you.”

And then the car rider line moved forward and I kept calling names.

  

God: Help us to see more than the image of You with a clipboard and staff, zapping those who have done wrong, bringing intentional tests and hardships to some, while blessing beyond measure others. There is so much mystery in You. There is so much we don’t know—so many contradictions of your character in scripture—so many views of you in this world. But, God, you are good, you are Love, and you are Creator God, and you gently handle us when you’re repotting us from one place to another. Thank you for designing us to grow. Thank you for giving us the space to change. Thank you for being patient with us in the screaming, and for not just dropping us and making us find our way on our own. Again, God, you are good, you are Love, and you are Creator God. And for that, amongst so many other things, we say thanks. Amen.

A Storm That Changes Everything

 Sometimes a storm comes and changes everything.

 

On Saturday, Heidi and I set up a booth for #_dandhdesigns_ at a local vendor fair.

Shortly after the event started,

Barb The Art Teacher showed up.

Amy The Disney Expert showed up too.

I didn’t know either of them was coming!

And none of us knew what was about to happen.

 

We were humming along,

Hanging out and chatting,

When suddenly we heard distant thunder.

Dark clouds quickly rolled in and rain began to fall.

We all worked to get our tables under the tent.  

And we used Barb’s emergency ponchos to cover the products still getting wet.

 

Then it happened.

 

A gust of wind picked up the tent beside us,

Pushed it into our tent,

Knocked over a bunch of our pieces,

And then kept dangerously rolling through the parking lot.

Thankfully no one was hurt.

 

Amy and I immediately grabbed our tent to keep it from blowing away.

Heidi and Barb immediately went to help the vendor next to us get her products to safety.

Amy and I continued holding our tent until two event workers came to help us take it down.

As we were taking it down, we realized that our tent was broken.

 

I don’t know everything that happened next.

I went to get the car, assuming that we would throw everything into the trunk in a disheveled mess.

But when I got to our site, it was empty.

Heidi, Amy, Barb, and the event workers had moved all of our products to a corner of the nearby shelter.

 

Barb asked if I had a towel, which, for some reason I did,

So she took the towel and began drying off our pieces.

Realizing that we were not yet leaving, I moved the car back to the parking lot.

Amy, Barb, and Heidi set up all of the pieces again and

We ended up staying for another two hours!

Every other vendor left during the storm.

Because we were the only ones who stayed,

We made some sales that we otherwise might not have made.

 

A stressful day turned into a strange success.

 

A storm came and changed everything.

 

On this September 11th,

I am reminded of the storm that hit 22 years ago today.

With the bombing of the Twin Towers,

America changed.

For some changes, we are grateful.

For other changes, we lament.

But one thing is certain,

 

A storm came and changed everything.

 

Oh God. When life’s storms hit and everything changes, help us to hold to the love of those around us, for it is your love made manifest on earth. Amen. 

The Decade Challenge

Ten years ago, I was a recent Divinity School graduate who was working her dream job and learning the ropes of the vocational ministry career that she thought would be her life’s work. I was living with an 85-year-old widow named Mary who had more energy than me, and we often ate tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches together for supper. I spent many nights either bundled up in my Snuggie or in full-body flannel pajamas because Mary kept the house so cold, and I binge-watched “Touched By An Angel” on the Hallmark Channel before binge- watching became a popular thing.

Fast forward a decade and I am sitting at my desk at school, surrounded by Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and Christmas books. I have just come in from car-rider duty where I waved and smiled enthusiastically at my car-rider parents whom I feel a strange connection with. I spent the middle of my day teaching about Beethoven and the aforementioned Hanukkah, but I began and ended my day with the Gingerbread Man. What a cute yet unlovable character. Is it bad that I’m glad that he gets eaten by the fox? Or that I think it’s funny when my students get so dizzy that they look drunk while spinning like a dreidel?

[Selah]

If I’ve learned anything in ten years, then I’ve learned that it’s impossible to know what life will look like in ten years. Shoot! It’s impossible to know what life will look like tomorrow. We can make plans. We can make predictions. But the twists and turns of life’s journey are as difficult to project as the those of a country road with no reflectors, late at night, the first time you’ve driven it. And to make things more difficult, you never know when a deer of a situation will happen to you or when you will make a user-error and drive yourself right off the road.

[Selah]

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matthew 6:34)

I am trying. I am trying to live each moment to the fullest. I am trying to cherish where I am as I am here and not to wish away my present by wishing for a future that I don’t even know how to wish for. If life were left up to me, then it would be pretty boring, because I can’t even begin to imagine the things the Great Artist Creator has yet to create. Some of life’s greatest blessings come unexpectedly. Some of God’s best creations are those that are formed from the dust and rubble of our mistakes…or of the crap that happens to us despite our best regards.

[Selah]

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7)

Peace, friends, peace. And dreidels and Snuggies and Gingerbread Men and binge-watching your favorite shows. Today…and ten years from now…and forevermore.

[Selah]

Strangely At Peace

Last night, I played guitar for a women's worship service at a local story. I listened to a woman give testimony of a life filled with hardship being transformed by God's steady presence and grace. Shortly after hearing her story and responding by reading aloud a passage of scripture from my phone, my phone started an update that I honestly do not recall initiating. After talking with someone knowledgeable about iPhones and trying about 10 times to complete the update and/or restore, my phone is still frozen and will do nothing. I got my old phone reactivated until I could go to an Apple Store.

A lot has changed in my life over the past couple of months. I've said a lot of goodbyes to people at school and church. Things that were steady and certain are no longer so. Change is not my strong suit. Losing things and letting go is not my best gift. I'm the girl who is perfectly content with a 9-year-old computer, a 16-year-old car, and sheets that I've slept on since I was a kid, and I'm the girl who still has pictures of long-ago friends hanging on the mirror in her room so that I don't forget to remember and pray.

And so my phone locking up and me possibly losing all of my pictures from the Scandinavian Adventure that I still cannot find words about which to speak...It feels like another quiet release--another letting go that I wasn't expecting--another unwanted yet somehow needed exercise to stretch my soul. I am sad. And I would love for the phone to be healed so that I don't have spend ridiculous amounts of money on insurance, chargers, cases, etc. for a new phone. But...I am strangely at peace.

I am humbly and gently reminded that this world is so much bigger than phones and that the same God whose steady presence and grace has guided last night's speaker through much hardship is the same God whose steady presence and grace has guided me through the same. That same God will guide you, too, friend. And tonight, as I prepare to go to work tomorrow at a school that feels like a different place, with a phone that is much less smart than the one I was getting used to, I am so grateful.

Should Be, Could Be, and Is

I confess. I posted on Facebook during church yesterday. But in my defense, I was listening to the sermon for the second time and I had been pondering what I wanted to post for a couple of hours. I surprised myself when I posted, though, because what I ended up saying wasn’t what I had originally planned.

What I posted was this: “…There could be no us against them—no we versus they. There could just be us. There could just be people…”

My initial statement was this: “There should be no us against them—no we versus they. There should just be us. There should just be people.”

The difference lies in just one word; yet the difference is huge.
One of my favorite passages of scripture says: “So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise.” (Galatians 3:26-28)
Another of my favorite passages says: “For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us.” (Romans 12:4-6a)

In short: We are one in Christ, yet we are diverse. We are one in Christ, yet we are different. We are one in Christ, yet we are not robots. We are one in Christ, for what we stand for and live for is the same: redeeming, amazing, life-transforming Love.

Most of us know this. Most of us know that we should live as one. Most of us know that we should live in openness and affirmation rather than secrecy and condemnation. Most of us know that we should build up rather than tear down. Most of us know that we should being willing to sacrifice our own desires for greater good if sacrifice is what is needed.

We should. We should. We should.

But we don’t.

Yet we could.

We could.

It would take hard work and perseverance. It would take self-examination. It would take tongue-biting. It would take humility and willingness to change. It would take prayer. And time. And space. And it wouldn’t be easy. But it is possible. And we could do it.
So yes.

“…There could be no us against them—no we versus they. There could just be us. There could just be people…”

Forget should. We know we should.

We could. Really really, really could.

So let’s make it happen.

Let’s make it: “There is no us against them—no we versus they. There is just us. There are just people…”

In A Year

I’ve been collecting Coke Rewards points for some time now. Friends and family members have helped in the collection and enabled me to enter various sweepstakes, donate points to two schools, purchase a travel bakery set that I was able to give to a friend, and buy a garden set that I used today.

When the garden set arrived, I was living in South Carolina. While working for SC WMU, I tried to develop a green thumb under the tutelage of one of my coworkers and took responsibility for the office plants. I have a vivid memory of taking my garden set to work and repotting and pruning many of our plants. I remember my excitement as one of the dying plants came back to life in the weeks that followed, and as I pruned some flowers in the backyard today, I found myself wondering about that plant. Is it still alive? Or did it finally stop living and wander to plant heaven?

So much can change in a year.

Last year at this time, restless though I was, I was filling my calendar for the 2012/2013 church year. I was planning to drive across the state of SC to speak about missions and to educate about issues of human exploitation. I was finalizing details for a large student event and laying the foundation to mentor three teenage girls. I was editing the statewide newsletter, managing Facebook pages, and envisioning ways to make communication stronger. We had just finished posting the summer camp prayer guide and I was starting to write another prayer guide that would carry us through the year.

Then life pushed me into the unknown and God did God’s own pruning--not with Coke Rewards points garden tools on office plants but with the sword of the Spirit, the shield of faith, the gospel of peace, the belt of truth, breastplate of righteousness, and the helmet of salvation in my life.

One year later, instead of educating about human exploitation, I am working on the front lines of fighting it. Instead of laying foundations to mentor three teenage girls, I am laying foundations to mentor over 700 kindergarten through 5th grade students. And instead of writing a prayer guide for missions, I am living those prayers every day. Yet still, I am being led to write…and I am envisioning ways to make communication stronger.

In coming days, I’d like to write a prayer guide for the public school year. I don’t envision writing a different request for every day of the year but I do hope to write a prayer for each day of the week. If you have a request you would like for me to work into the prayers, please let me know. I will do my best to reflect your heart as well. This guide won’t be sent in newsletter form to 12,000 people across the state of SC, but, somehow, I believe it will make a difference.

After all, a lot can change in a year.

A Sunday Afternoon Pre-Camp Reflection

It’s amazing how quickly things change. One minute, I am fully engaged in the morning’s worship service; the next I am transported to a weekend in January that becomes the catalyst for one of the biggest, unexpected prunings of my life; the next I am sitting in a meeting preparing to chaperone youth camp.

Camp. I love camp. In fact, for the longest time, I held the secret desire to buy the land on which the camp that I love most in this world resides. I’d have had to have won the lottery or found someone independently wealthy to give the money in order to do this. But I wanted to donate a large sum of money to the organization that runs the camp and possibly have a needed building built and named after my family—not out of arrogance—but out of the true, deep love that I have for camp and the power that it has to impact lives.

I’m not going to that camp tomorrow. I was actually asked not to go to that camp this summer. But, I’m going to another camp. I was asked if I wanted to go to that one. I’ve never been. I’m not sure what to expect. But I’m excited for the opportunity. And I’m honored to have been asked to do something I love instead of being forced to walk away.

It’s amazing how quickly things change. One day, I am fully engaged in hopes and dreams for land and a future; the next the voice on the other end of the line questions call, work, and actions; the next I am sitting in my home-office surrounded by memories of a life now past, hoping for just $75 per month to give to my church and other ministries that love me just as I am.

When Everything Is Stripped Away

What used to be, what always
Made me tick, is being buried
Underground, dead, pruned for being
Needed no more. The cutting hurts. The
Outlook for the future is uncertain.
My hopes and dreams are being birthed anew,
Opening from darkness,
Reaching for new life, growing with
Expectancy for what is to come.

Contrary To Popular Belief, Silence Is Not The Enemy

I’m beginning this note in between music lessons with my niece and nephew. We’ve been having weekly lessons for the past few months, and while I’m not 100% sure how much I’ve taught them, I am sure that we’ve enjoyed our time together. Sometimes we play piano, sometimes we play music games on the computer, sometimes we do movement activities, sometimes we listen to instrumental music with the help of Fantasia or a video version of Peter and the Wolf. I’ve been working with them for the past few months…

(Insert writing silence for a pre-K piano version of “Merrily We Roll Along.”)

…and I’ve been reminded of a very important lesson in life: Music is the organized combination of both sound and silence.

Did you catch that?

Music is not music without silence.

When I was teaching school, I realized something: when students get in trouble at school, one of their worst possible punishments is silence. Silent lunch. Silent carpool. Silent free time. Silent anything. In school, more often than not, silence is equivalent to punishment.

Yet.

Music is not music without silence.

There is a time for everything under the sun. Ecclesiastes 3 may not say that there is a time for noise and a time for silence, but there is. Silence is under the sun.

Yet.

We seem to do everything we can to avoid silence these days…especially if we grow up learning that silence is a punishment.

Try singing without stopping to take a breath. Trying playing an instrument without doing the same. Even playing the piano, there must be moments of silence—of rest—lest fingers get tied up and pitches become blurred.

Music is not music without silence.

In fact, music without silence is only noise.

And so it is with life.

The next time you’re driving to work alone, don’t turn on your music, book, podcasts, or talk radio. Drive in the relative silence of your car and truly pay attention to the world surrounding you.

The next time you have a moment between classes at school or meetings at work, don’t fill the moment with chatter and activity. Sit in the silence of your classroom or office. Breathe deeply. Feel the oxygen filling your lungs. You are alive. It’s really quite amazing.

And the next time there is a moment of silence in church, don’t freak out. Whether it’s planned or accidental, silence is okay. No. Silence is more than okay. Silence is good. Silence is crucial to being healthy and hearing God’s voice. Actually, I challenge you to plan a time to visit your church sanctuary alone. You will be amazed at how holy silence will surround you if you let it.

Silence is not the enemy. In fact, silence is our friend.

(Selah)

The Only Constant

A little over a month ago, I tried to get out of my car at the exact same moment she was trying to unlock. In that one short second, something inside my door snapped and made it impossible for me to let myself out of Gigi the White Ant without rolling down the window and releasing the door from the outside. Thankfully I COULD let myself out from the outside or else I’d have been pulling a Dukes of Hazard…which I imagine isn’t proper protocol for WMU.

A little over a year and a half ago (give or take a few months because I don’t really remember when it started), I started renting cars for work when renting was more cost effective than driving my own car. Since that time, I’ve driven quite a few cars—some brand new, some high end luxury cars that I could never afford, some that I really didn’t like, and some that stink (like today’s Camry that smells like smoke)—and I’ve become cordial acquaintances with Doc the Car Delivery Man, Isaiah the Assistant Manager, Julio the Manager, Jessica the Trainee, Mike the Assistant Manager, and Mike the Trainee.

I took my car to the Toyota place for an oil change and fluids check on Friday. Jerry the Service Assistant (whom I work with each time I go to the Toyota place) said that they would need to keep GiGi the White Ant overnight to fix the door so that they wouldn’t have to take it apart twice if they needed to order a part. Since I needed Gigi the White Ant over the weekend so that I could go to Blowing Rock and find that Toms had adopted my font for one of their ad campaigns (see Facebook picture from Saturday), I decided to leave her at the Toyota place tonight because I needed to rent for work anyway.

Today when I went into Enterprise, I spoke to Mike the Assistant Manager and Mike the Trainee, met Corrina the Management Trainee, and saw John The Bald District Manager. Doc the Delivery Man was out on a delivery. Isaiah the Assistant Manager has long been gone to another branch. Julio the Manager recently left for another company. And Jessica the Trainee moved to another branch to work in car sales today. Corrina the Management Trainee will likely be at our branch for 90 days. We’ll probably become cordial acquaintances, too, and then she’ll move on. I’m not sure about the Mikes. I’ll try not to get too attached, though, because I’m sure they’ll leave too.

As a salesman talked to John the Bald District Manager, he asked about Julio. The salesman didn’t know that Julio the Manager was gone. When John the Bald District Manager told the salesman that Julio the Manager had left for another company, the salesman responded with, “The only constant in life is change.”

I agree. Especially at Enterprise.

I’m hoping really hard that when Jason the New Manager comes from Irmo in May (I heard John the Bald District Manager say this to the salesman and I confirmed its truth with Corrina the Management Trainee who said that Jason the New Manager was really good and really organized) he’ll stay for longer than a few months. But again, I’ll try not to get too attached…

Because the only constant in life is change…

And I’m looking forward to GiGi the White Ant’s broken door handle being changed to one that works.