Safety and Trust

Many years ago, a children’s minister told me her philosophy of children sleeping in church. She said, “The way I see it, if a child falls asleep in church, then it means he feels safe enough to sleep, and if he’s safe enough to sleep, then why not let him sleep? He’s resting in the arms of God.”

While you may or may not agree with this minister’s philosophy, it profoundly influenced me. In essence, when I see a child sleeping in my classroom, I let her sleep. I don’t freak out. I don’t get mad. I don’t punish her. I simply let her sleep for a little while and then wake her up. The way I see it, if she can sleep through music class, then she must need the rest, and if she feels safe enough to rest in my presence, then I let her rest.

Safety. Safety is so important. And safety is tied hand and hand with trust.

There are two Bible stories in which Jesus calms a storm. In one story, the disciples have gone ahead of Jesus and gotten themselves into a storm that Jesus lets rage all night before he walks on water to get to his friends and finally calm the storm. In the other story, Jesus has gotten into a boat with his friends and fallen asleep. While he is sleeping, a storm begins to rage and it continues to rage until the disciples awaken Jesus, who promptly calms the storm.

What I find so interesting about this latter story is that Jesus was sleeping. Very rarely in scripture do we hear anything about anyone sleeping, much less Jesus. But people had to sleep. And in this story, Jesus must have been tired because he fell asleep on the boat. What were the disciples doing? Were they fishing? Were they resting, too? Were they shooting the breeze? We don’t know. We just know that Jesus slept.

And if Jesus slept, then he must have felt safe. And if he felt safe, then he must have trusted the disciples to take care of him. Because safety goes hand in hand with trust.

Yes, a storm came. Yes, the disciples ended up waking Jesus because they were scared. Yes, they whom Jesus trusted ultimately put their trust in Him. But do you hear how the trust goes both ways?

The disciples trusted Jesus. And Jesus trusted his disciples. The disciples were his friends. And he has called us his friends, too.

Oh God: You are the embodiment of safety and trust, and you have entrusted us to be a people of the same. Help us to create safe spaces for the people in our lives to come and rest and help us always to have the courage to ask for help from those we trust. Amen.

So Much Boils Down To Feeling Safe

Have you ever had a conversation that helped you realize something that you didn’t know you needed to realize?

As I chatted with a friend yesterday afternoon and said something that seemed a bit too random to be truly random—although it was something that had just popped into my mind—I found myself being faced with this request: “Tell me what you know. Because that was a bit too random.”

So. I started talking about all of the things that I know. I said things like, “I know you’re a tremendous person and leader. I know that you’re very capable of doing good and that you add something important to this world. I know that I hope good things for you and that you will be an excellent mom when you choose to have kids and if you are able to have kids. I know that I think baby humans and puppies are super cute but that I don’t think I could successfully raise either. And I know that I sometimes I wish I could go back and start over again so that I could be a better friend to people. Steady. Stable. Strong. And…safe.”

Steady. Stable. Strong. Safe.
Safe…
So much boils down to feeling safe.

When people think of me, I want them to feel safe.
Not afraid that
I’ll ask too many questions,
Want to know too much,
Offer too many gifts,
Share overwhelming information,
Think too deeply,
Come on too strong,
Demand unrealistic outcomes,
Be too mean.
When people think of me, I want them to feel safe.
Comfortable.
Loved.
Believed in.
Free to be fully themselves.
Safe.

So often, when things go wrong in friendships, in relationships,
It’s because someone has made someone else feel unsafe—
Plain and simple…
Though it’s really not simple at all.

I didn’t know I needed to realize this. But. I did.

So much boils down to feeling safe.

God, forgive us (forgive me) for all the times we’ve (I’ve) made someone feel unsafe.
And God, help us mend what’s been broken,
Slowly, steadily, securely,
Until we feel safe again.
Amen.

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My friend Holli came to visit today. She arrived at school just before car rider duty ended—just in time to see my J and L go to their car. My J is the student who brought me lunch the Friday before Spring Break. He is also the student who won the county writing competition and who I went to the reception to support. Furthermore, he and L own my favorite car rider duty dog, Zoe.
Since Holli had her dog with her, I introduced them all to one another. “J and L—this is my friend Holli and her dog Julius Caesar.” J’s response, “You didn’t tell me you had friends!”

He sounded truly offended that I hadn’t shared this bit of information with him!

I smiled and said, “Well, yes. I have friends, J.” He approved.

Then Holli said, “This is going on the internet later.” I said, “It sure is.”

And there it is, my friends. My cute school story from the day.

Chased only by this cute story: I love dogs. My dad loves dogs. Holli loves dogs. My mom doesn’t love dogs. Who has Julius Caesar gravitated toward since he’s been at the house?
As he jumped on the couch with my mom, we heard this laughing statement, “Out of everyone in this house, why did you choose me?”

Then he came to me. And slept on my hand as I finished this post.