Quality Time

 

I had the opportunity to help lead a retreat over the weekend.

Overall, the weekend was very good but two moments stuck out to me more than any other. 

 

First, I asked Facebook for some suggestions on songs dealing with love.

I received a lot of great song suggestions and promptly put them on the playlist. 

What I did not expect was that the playlist would be so popular and that participants would sing-along.

But sure, enough, as we were painting rocks to give away as random acts of kindness,

The ladies all started singing, 

“Just like me, they long to be, close to you,” and 

“All you need is love, love is all you need.”

The spontaneous singing made me smile.

In general, we don’t burst into song enough!

 

Second, while doing a group storytelling activity,

The ladies cackled in laughter!

One person would say two or three words, then the next person would say something, then the next, and then the next.

I don’t remember what exactly the stories were,

But I know that they included bears and flamingos and visions of God and lots of other very random things.

 

The retreat was focused on the five love languages. 

One of the five love languages is quality time.  

Time sitting together and singing, 

Time spent listening to one another, 

Time telling stories, 

Time laughing,

Time crafting,

Time studying scripture,

Time reading liturgy…

All of that time was quality time

With one another 

And with God. 

 

May we be a people of quality time, 

Loving though our presence and intention, 

Bursting into song, and 

Living life together as co-creators with God. 

 

Amen. 

An Unexpected Gift

 

When I got home from my NYC Day Trip yesterday,

I had a package waiting for me

From Thomas the Tin Art Teacher.

Not expecting a package,

I excitedly, but carefully, opened it.

 

There was a note:

Be careful what you put on FB, he said.

Because you might just get something in response.

He then went on to explain that his gift

Had been sitting in his attic, for years,

And that he thought it might be better served with me.

 

As I began unwrapping his gift—

A tin, nativity scene from Mexico—

I couldn’t help but marvel at the beauty of Thomas’s gift,

And the fact that he thought enough of me to

1.      Think of me at all.

2.      Go into the attic to unearth the treasure.

3.      Gently package the individual pieces of the nativity.

4.      Retrieve my address.

5.      Go to the post office and pay to send real mail.

 

What an amazing gift!

 

This Holiday Season,

As gift giving weighs heavily on people’s minds and hearts,

May we find ways to achieve the unexpected,

And may the intentions of our hearts

Outweigh the demands of the mind.

 

Gift giving doesn’t have to be a burden,

Rather it can be an overflow of the heart’s love.

And remember that the heart’s love can be shown by

Words of Affirmation,

Quality Time,

Gifts (including the gift of time),

Acts of Service, and/or

Physical Touch.

 

May we find the perfect gifts for those we love,

And may those gifts bring smiles to faces,

And warmth to hearts…

Amen.

To Know That You're Loved

As I was leaving for work this morning, my dad poked his head in the car window and said, “Ain’t it great to know that you’re loved?” I said, “Yes. And I love you, too.” My dad fixes breakfast for me every morning. He has done this for years. Recently, though, he has taken his morning routine of helpfulness one step further. He now walks to the car with me to open my door because he noticed how my hands were always full with said breakfast and coffee and lunch. Once he opens the door, I give him a hug, tell him I love him, get in the car, and make my way to work. I know. I am lucky to receive such a huge morning blessing each day. This morning, after my dad poked his head in the window and said what he said, I spent the entire drive to school thinking about his statement (trying to ignore his bad grammar, which, is really atypical): “Ain’t it great to know that you’re loved?” It is. And I know that I’m loved in so many different ways. Just this week, for instance, I’ve known love by… A friend helping me prepare a staff gift even though she had a ton of work to do herself. Another friend writing to ask how I’m doing even though she is suffering at home with Covid. Yet another friend asking me to her 5-year-old’s birthday party and allowing me to be an active part of her children’s lives. A mom who cooks supper each night and sits with me while I watch TV. A parent who lights up when she sees me in the car rider line. A teacher helping me solve technological issues in her classroom. A thank you note arriving in the mail. And research done on my behalf to find the perfect cup-holder for my cart. Friends: Ain’t it great to know that you’re loved? If you are reading this, you are loved, too. Sometimes, the ways aren’t as obvious as some of the ways I have known love this week. But the ways are almost always there if you will but take the time to recognize them. What are some ways you have been loved this week? Oh…And I didn’t even mention the beauty of God’s creation, the crisp autumn air, the crunch of pinecones under foot, the smell of campfires and pinestraw and falling leaves…

On Fixing My Hem Line

On Saturday, I had the privilege of playing my guitar at a wedding. The bride wanted to surprise her groom with a special song during the ceremony, so she asked me to accompany the man who would be singing. The song we performed was the song to which the bride walked down the aisle. The groom had no idea that she wasn’t going to enter to “Here Comes The Bride.” It was a really neat surprise. But back up a few hours, though, and you will find me at home with a wardrobe malfunction. The hem had fallen out of one leg of my black dress pants. I debated leaving it as it was, figuring that no one would be paying attention to the hem of my pants. After all, I had on a black shirt, black pants, black socks, and black shoes—was the hem line even that noticeable? In the end, I decided to ask my mom if she had any stick pins. I figured I could pin the hem as a temporary fix. Here’s where my mom stepped in and did what moms tend to do. Not finding any stick pins or safety pins, she went into her closet and pulled out her sewing kit. The next thing I knew, she was telling me to sit down on the couch and put my foot on her knee. She then proceeded to stitch a “quick fix” hem line into my pants. Suddenly, I felt and looked as good as new. I felt really honored to have been asked to be part of my friend’s wedding for such a special surprise. But I felt equally as honored to have walked into the wedding looking my best because of my mom’s simple gift. Love is demonstrated to us in many different ways--big and small--surprise songs and emergency hems. When is the last time someone demonstrated his/her love to you through a simple act of service or an invaluable gift? Take a moment to answer that question now...and be grateful. I know I am.

Words Have Power

Earlier in the week, at the bottom of a work-related e-mail exchange, I had a colleague write: “Thanks for all you do. I see all your hard work!” Such a simple statement…but those words have passed through my mind a gazillion times since reading them. “I see all your hard work.” There’s something to being seen. Not glazed over. Not overlooked. But seen. Paid attention to. Valued. In a work environment where I literally don’t see anyone other than my team of five—and that’s if I’m lucky—being seen is a challenge. And yet, this colleague sees me. And my hard work. And I have been working so very hard (as has the entire Teacher Body of the 2020-2021 School Year). Friends—I have said this time and time again, but I will say it again: Words have power. Even to those who don’t claim Words of Affirmation as their primary love language, words are transformational. Specific. True. Intentional words can literally change someone’s life… I have an encouragement folder in my e-mail. It’s full of messages that have encouraged me over the years. My colleague’s message is now in that folder. Friends: May we be writers of messages that make it into one another’s encouragement folders. Amen.

Ram Skull Painting

Last summer in Romania, my main task was to help with crafts at a summer camp. One day, my team and I were tasked with doing crafts outside as part of a horse-back riding adventure. In between sessions, I went wandering in the woods. As I wandered, I found a fully in tact ram skull. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I knew that Barb the Art Teacher would be fascinated, so I took a bunch of pictures and immediately sent them to her…

Fast forward to yesterday.

Barb presented me with a painting of the ram skull.

I almost cried because I was so happy.

To say that I like it is an understatement.

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Sometime last Fall, I decided to buy a rock tumbler. One of my friends is as fascinated with rock tumbling as me, so I showed her my collection. Unbeknownst to me, she took some rocks to make a special gift for my birthday.

I almost cried because I was so happy.

To say that I like it is an understatement.

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A couple of weeks ago, I helped another friend paint her daughter’s bedroom. She had on a Meredith College t-shirt and I commented, in what I thought was passing, that I’d like a Meredith shirt. Little did I know that my request had been heard and that in less than a month, I’d have my own Meredith shirt.

I almost cried because I was so happy.

To say that I like it is an understatement.

---------

Yesterday, I received over 200 FB messages from friends. I also received 4 cards in the mail.

Friends are specials gift that should not be taken for granted. I am so incredibly grateful to have amazing friends.

Thank YOU, friend, for being part of my journey.

And I challenge you today: Reach out to someone you love and remind him/her that you love them. It could be a FB message, a card, a call, or an amazing gift. But reach out to someone today.

It might make them cry because they will be so happy.

And to say that they will like it is an understatement.

Words of Affirmation

I had a performance with my Kindergarten and 1st grade students on Monday night. 110 students showed up to sing and dance for their “teachers, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, brothers, sisters, next door neighbors, and friends,” and I was very proud of them. They’d been working hard to share their learning, and in the moment of truth, they showed up.

After the performance, I was exhausted. I went home and tried to sleep, but I couldn’t. I always feel vulnerable after performances—wondering if what I did was “good enough,” fearing that it wasn’t, preparing for complaints, secretly longing for compliments and words of affirmation…

As I stood in the car rider line on Tuesday afternoon, a grandfather rolled down his window and asked if I was the music teacher. I said that I was. He then told me how wonderful the program had been the night before. I almost cried.

Then I received an e-mail from a parent that did made me cry:

“Hello! I just wanted to say congratulations on a job well done last night! You made everything look so easy from beginning to end! So many people were so impressed at how well the kids knew their songs. I can speak for all the kindergarten teachers when I say that we love how you find ways to incorporate our learning objectives into your music!

I kept trying to figure out how my daughter knew how to skip count by 2’s. Her teacher told me they haven’t focused real hard on that yet. Now I know it was YOU! She has figured out, on her own, how to count by 2’s to 100! And... even though she tortures my soul with the non-stop skip counting...(every time we get in the car to go somewhere🤪), both me and my husband are so glad she so fortunate to have such a fun and amazing music teacher!!!”

Teachers put a lot of effort and intention into what we teach. We log many long hours at work and then log many more at home. I am somewhat fortunate to work in a performance field where my work can easily be commended and applauded, but classroom teachers often are not given the accolades they deserve. Many teachers often only hear criticism—and wonder if they are good enough, fearing that they aren’t, while secretly longing for compliments and words of affirmation.

If you know a teacher, consider sending him/her some accolades today—especially if you are a parent of a school-aged kid. It’s not teacher appreciation week. It’s nothing special that I know of. It’s just a Thursday…but I have a feeling that it’s a good day for affirmation.

The Power of Human Touch

For a couple of years at JES, my morning duty was to stand in the hallway and greet students as they arrived at school. During those years, I gave and received a lot of hugs. Countless students needed to start their days with hugs. One of my students, T, even needed a kiss on his forehead.

Because I do car rider duty every afternoon at GES, I don’t have a morning duty. Because I don’t have a morning duty, I don’t give and receive morning-duty hugs. I’ve fully begun to realize the implications of this reality over the past few weeks, and I’ve realized that I feel a slight disconnect with my students because of it. Truthfully, I’m not sure that some of my students know that I care about them.

So I did something different as my most challenging class entered my room this week: I greeted each student with either a wave, a fist bump, or a hug. Students got to choose which greeting they liked. I expected a lot of fist bumps and waves. Instead, I received hugs from over 85% of the class. I was genuinely surprised by this response, and I was surprised at how tight and how long some of my 4th grade students held on.

I think sometimes we forget the power of human touch.

I know that I must be careful. Touch has too often been used to hurt and abuse, and only God knows what my students see and feel at home. But I think I’m going to start trying to give more hugs, or waves, or fist bumps.

I need for my students to know that I care.

What is something you want to start doing? What led you to your decision?

Serve. Love. Live.

I was talking to a friend about the bible the other day when I asked what one of her favorite passages of scripture was. She said the book of James. I said nothing. But I thought about the conversation a lot after that.

I don’t know about whole books, but I know that my favorite chapters of scripture are Psalm 13, Psalm 139, Isaiah 55, and Romans 12 (I actually just spoke about this chapter on the first night of worship at Candlestick 2015—a children’s camp in the mountains with Aberdeen First Baptist). I also know that some of my favorite passages are these:

From John Chapter 15. Jesus says: My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command…Love each other.

From 1 John Chapter 4: There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear…

From Philippians 2: Let this same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not regard equality with God as something to be exploited, but emptied himself, taking the form of a servant, being born in human likeness, and being found in human form, he humbled himself and became obedient to death—even death on a cross.

Put these three together and they profoundly influence my view of service, love, and life. Here’s how I figure it:

God’s love, shown most fully through the person of Jesus Christ—the Christ who loves us and calls us friend—is a sacrificial, humble love that seeks to serve and sacrifice on behalf of others. This is how God loves us and it should be how we love one another.

Just as Christ knew who he was and lived out of the fullness of his being, each of us should strive to know who we are so that we can live as most fully ourselves. In being ourselves, we are able to love one another by living selfless, sacrificial lives for those around us—wanting the best for each other—encouraging each other—sharpening and complementing each other—speaking each other’s love languages—and loving each other by laying down our lives for one another in service and in prayer. After all, greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends…and this doesn’t mean that we must physically die…rather, we can, every day, literally lay down our lives for one another in prayer.

My nephew currently loves rollers coasters. In fact, if he had to choose right now, then he would be a roller coaster designer for a career. Life is like a roller coaster. It moves. It changes. It twists and turns. Some days and experiences are joyful, others are sad. Some are easy, others are challenging. Some days we get things right, other days we get them miserably wrong.

But through it all—
through all the ups and downs—
love should be our guide—because in love, there is no fear.
Fear paralyzes.
Fear rears its ugly head and causes us to make more selfishly, desperate decisions than any of us ever want to make.
But love keeps us free.
Love teaches us to lean on Christ.
And Christ teaches us to live.

Amen.

Strawberry Salad on Thursday Mornings

“Dear God, thank you for friendship and strawberry salad on Thursday mornings.”

Thus began a four and a half hour lunch date with a dear friend whom I hadn’t seen in over a year. We started our time together with homemade potato chips and ended it with pepperoni pizza. We had salads, sandwiches, and coffee in between, and we talked and talked and talked, both laughing and crying along the way.

Shortly after we parted, I called another dear friend with whom I hadn’t actually spoken in months. We’d been playing phone tag and sending quick texts here and there, but we hadn’t actually talked, and I was feeling the void left by missing our talks.

Conversation is so very important. And words are so very powerful. So for someone who is extraverted and thrives off of words of affirmation, days like today are unusually life-giving.

…

One afternoon while shopping with friends, I found myself magnetically drawn to an area of the store that my friends did not see. It was upstairs, away from everything else, and it was filled with beautiful art. Every piece of art was handmade and depicted a saying that was poignant, humorous, blunt, or wise.

After about fifteen minutes of separation, I heard my friends looking for me. I went to the top of the stairs, looked down, and happily declared, “I’m up here. I found words!”

…

I’ve written about the importance of words in my life before tonight. In fact, I think I once declared myself a word harvester after spending hours saving particularly meaningful and encouraging texts.

So when I hear positive words like,
“I believe that you have all the wisdom you need to make this decision,”
or receive cards in the mail that say,
“Your leading the music at [church] gives our worship services a special mood and effect. Sunday’s service gave me a needed lift,”
I feel very good.

But when I hear negative words like,
“She doesn’t need to speak so much,”
or have someone tell me,
“Everyone in the [group] likes you. Well, maybe not everyone, but almost everyone,”
I feel very bad.

But it’s not just that. I don’t just feel bad. I hear the words over and over again in my mind. They become a broken record that creates so much noise that it drowns out all words of good—and I dare say all words of truth. The power of positive words can be eclipsed by the power of negative words; therefore, as much as words can build me up, they can also tear me down.

Words are both my salvation and my kryptonite.

…

So it’s no wonder that I was so happy when I found words while shopping.
And it’s no wonder that my heart is full tonight after spending hours today talking with friends.
But it’s also no wonder that I’ve been struggling to soften some negative words that surfaced a few weeks ago and have only intensified since.
It’s no wonder that I’ve been struggling to quiet my mind so that I can hear
God’s words of truth.

…

I have a feeling I’m not the only person struggling with words right now.
I have a feeling I’m not the only person in need of more strawberry salad and less condemning noise.
I have a feeling I’m not the only person who needs to hear a clear word from God.

…

May the words of our mouths and the meditations of our hearts be acceptable in thy sight, oh Lord our God. Our strength and redeemer. Our rock and our salvation. Hear this prayer and guide our paths, oh God.

And bless the hands that prepare our strawberry salad.

Frames of Love and Light

A few months ago, I received a gift-card n the mail that made me cry. The attached note said something like this:

(We’re) returning one of the nicest gifts a friend (ever) gave us…There is no “should” attached to this gift—use it however you want, be it for something you need, something you want, or a way to nurture your love language of gift giving. Know that we are thankful for you!

I was so touched by this gift that I put it in a special place so that I wouldn’t be tempted to spend it on something frivolous.

Then I forgot about it...as I often do when I put things away for safe keeping.

While looking for post-it notes the other day, I came across the addressed envelope again. Having no recollection of what was in it, I opened it. I read the note inside. I cried. Again.

As I prepared to leave the house today, I packed two prints to be framed. Both prints are prints from local artists. One print is one I’ve had for well over a year and one print is one I’ve had for less than a week. The former is a celebration of a dear friend and mentor’s life and work. The latter is a celebration of my 36th birthday and my ever-expanding orange fish collection.

Both are now framed with frames purchased with the gift card mentioned above.

Both are now filled and surrounded by thanksgiving, love, and light.

Why I Think Dogs Are [hu]Man's Best Friend

I’ve always heard that dogs are man’s best friend. I’m going to extend that male language to include females and say that dogs are human’s best friend. While I realize that there are always exceptions to this rule, I’ve come to believe that, for the most part, it really is true…and these are my reasons why:

1) Words of Affirmation. While dogs can’t speak English, they can speak. And the words they speak through their excited squeals, ecstatic barks, and fully-at-peace-snores fill the hearer with an incredible sense of being wanted and needed and of being able to do something right in making a flesh and blood creature feel such a deep sense of happiness and safety.

2) Physical Touch. Big dogs can actually reach up and hug a person (or knock them down). Little dogs can only paw on legs but their outpouring of physical connection is still very real. Dogs lick-kiss people out of love, curl up in laps or sleep on pillows in beds, and provide a warmly soft fur to pet. I don’t know what it is, but there is something about touch that is both healing and comforting…even when the dog stinks like, well, a dog.

3) Quality Time. Need someone to give you undivided attention? Play with your dog. When a dog loves you, the dog LOVES you and wants to spend time with no one more than you.

4) Acts of Service. Need that lost sock? Or that disgusting dog toy? Your dog will likely find it for you. And. If you’re really good, then you can train your dog to fetch the remote for you…not to mention that dogs serve as doorbells and security systems and vacuum cleaners for the kitchen…and dogs that serve as companion dogs for those in need.

5) Gifts. Those spots of grass that grow especially green in your yard? Those spots are gifts from your dog. So are all four of the points above…and the gift of forgiveness for when we are absolutely stupid human beings.

6) Talk Therapy. Sometimes, all we need to do is talk. We don’t need advice. We don’t need suggestions for an immediate fix. We just need to talk. To speak aloud. And to be heard with ears that are safe, non-judgmental, and full of unconditional love. Dogs have those ears…and they’re especially soft…and cute when they’re unevenly flopped.

I suppose that if you know me then you know that this note was inspired by Bullet (our joint custody fat ball of stinky old man dog). But it was also inspired by a conversation in class today and by all of the dogs that I know persons in my life love.

Who is that dog in your life? [Or who was he/she?] And what would you add to my list of reasons why dogs are [hu]man’s best friend?

The Thankful Thing

November began and a whole bunch of people started being thankful. Since I didn’t want to miss the thankful train, I decided to be thankful, too.

Starting this past Saturday, I began asking “thankful” questions on my Facebook status. My plan is to continue asking “thankful” questions throughout the month of November, hopefully exploring some of the often unnamed things for which we are grateful.

I got this idea from the book, “God Speaks Your Love Language: How To Feel and Reflect God’s Love.” In one of the chapters in this book (or sections of a chapter—I can’t remember which because I listened it), Gary Chapman gives ideas for more deeply experiencing God through the individual love languages. When it comes to gifts, he suggests taking the time to specifically thank God for everything—down to the chair on which you’re sitting and the computer on which you are reading. When we begin to see the things around us as gifts—no matter how small those things are—then we begin to see the world through grateful eyes.

And so…November will be a month during which I attempt to ask questions that will guide us to think about the things for which we’re grateful, things both great and small, and I hope you’ll participate in this attempt…not just because being thankful is the cool thing to do but because I think it will be good for our souls.

Now, to voice my answers to the past few days’ questions:

1) What is one thing about Saturdays for which you are grateful? The opportunity to sleep late (when I’m not up to go to one of my kids’ sports games!).

2) What is one thing about your church, or a church in your area, for which you are especially thankful? Stained glass windows.

3) What is one thing about Mondays for which you are thankful? Currently…being able to watch Dancing With The Stars.

God…I really am thankful…and not just in November. Amen.

What Do You Want Me To Do For You?

What do you want me to do for you?” Jesus asked him.

The blind man said, “Rabbi, I want to see.”

“Go,” said Jesus, “your faith has healed you.” Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus along the road.

The pastor at the church I attended yesterday asked the question: “If Jesus were to ask you, ‘What do you want me to do for you?’ what would you say?”

Immediately, without a moment’s hesitation, I thought, “Hug me.”

As the pastor continued with his sermon, complete with thoughts that included,

It's never too late to be what you might have been...
Pay attention. Let us do something beautiful for God...
Let us love with a love that heals and restores and makes whole…

I felt tears forming in my eyes. God often speaks to me through tears.

And when he asked again, “If Jesus were to ask you, ‘What do you want me to do for you?’ what would you say?” Without thinking, I thought, “Hug me. I want you to hug me.”

And so it is.

I recently read a book that hypothesizes that our relationship with God is influenced by our primary love languages (which, for me, is words of affirmation and physical touch)…and considering that I am drawn to worship that is heavy in deep, rich words and liturgy, that God often speaks to me through tears, and that out of everything I could ask Jesus to do for me, a hug is my overwhelming answer…I believe that this hypothesis is true.

What about you? If Jesus were to ask you what he could do for you, then what would you answer? And does your answer fall in line with your love language? Please share.