The Good Shepherd

 

I always thought the “Jesus the Good Shepherd” story in John 10 was a story of separating who was in and who was out—

A judgement of sorts, 

With Jesus as the ultimate judge. 

Believe in Jesus and you’re in. 

Don’t believe in Jesus and you’re out. 

But I was wrong. 

 

Sheep enclosures provide boundaries. 

And boundaries are good. 

Boundaries provide safety and a place to be held. 

They provide comfort and healing, 

familiarity and rest. 

Yet the pasture is where the green grass is, 

The nourishment, 

The joys of life, 

The freedom to roam. 

 

Jesus invites us to both. 

And Jesus positions himself as the gate that both draws sheep into safety and guides them out to live. 

 

This is not a you’re in, you’re out story. 

It  is not a story to use to draw lines of judgment, and 

It is not a story about eternity. 

 

This is a story about Christ’s love for all who will hear it and follow it to safety and rest and comfort and healing 

SO THAT they can follow him back out into the world and live. 

It is a story about the here and now, 

And listening to and following the one who laid down his life for us so that we might “have life and have it abundantly.”

 

Amen. 

Hindsight is a Beautiful Thing

 

Hindsight is a beautiful thing. 

In the midst of living life, 

We oftentimes can’t see what we are learning or how we are growing. 

We oftentimes can’t see God’s presence in real time. 

But looking back, we can see it.

Looking back, we can tell a different story of knowledge, growth, and God’s steady presence of love. 

 

I admit. 

I have oftentimes judged the disciples. 

I’ve seen them as a bit dumb and dimwitted,

Unable to recognize Jesus for who he was. 

But last week it struck me:

Of course they couldn’t recognize Jesus for who he was. 

He was not only the promised Messiah—

Which maybe they could have gotten—

But He was also God Incarnate!

There was no category for that—

No expectation for God to show Godself in flesh and blood. 

The expectation for seeing God was 

Vision, dream, supernatural voice, earthquake, fire, or angel. 

The expectation for seeing God was not God appearing in plain sight and walking the earth as a fellow human being!

 

So hindsight is a beautiful thing. 

It helped the disciples and mothers and fathers of the early church to

Put together the pieces of scripture that show Jesus as the promised Messiah 

And to put together the pieces of scripture and the words of Jesus himself that show that Jesus is God and that God is communal in Father, Son, and Holy Spirit,

Creator, Redeemer, and Sustainer. 

 

When I first started counseling,

My counselor, Jenny, said that we were going to go back and retell some stories of my past and see things differently in the outcome.

I argued with her.

I said the past is the past and I can’t change it. 

The events are clear. The actions happened. They can’t be argued. 

But now I realize that she was right.

We can retell the stories of our past, 

And the outcome can be different.

Maybe not in what happened, 

But in the realization of where God was and what God was doing to grow and teach us.

 

Don’t get me wrong. 

We can’t dismiss looking for God in the present. 

We can’t think that God is unseeable now. 

God is. 

Our work is to stay present in the moment. 

But sometimes,

Even the most present of us cannot understand what is happening in the middle of a storm. 

Sometimes we need time, 

Distance,

Space, and 

Hindsight 

To help us truly see God. 

 

May you grant yourself hindsight today, 

And may you, 

Like the disciples, 

Look back and see God in your midst, 

Day in and day out, 

Walking among you in love. 

 

Amen. 

99 To Beat

 

For the past few weeks, 

My mom and I have been watching a show called 

99 to Beat. 

The show started with 100 contestants and will eventually get down to 1 

Who will win $1000000.

The games are not complicated when not under pressure. 

Think party games,

Relay races,

Minute to win it, 

Stacking cards, 

Popping balloons, 

Stuffing a tent back into its bag. 

And the object isn’t to win. 

The object is not to finish last. 

 

The contestants have gotten close,

Which makes it seem that the show was filmed over the course of time. 

Yet they are in the same clothes every episode, 

Which makes it seem that the show was filmed quickly. 

Come to find out,

The show was filmed over the course of three weeks, 

With 15 hour days, 

And multiple sets of the same clothes were provided and laundered for show continuity. 

 

In other words,

There is a lot to the show that we don’t see! 

There are hours and hours of contestants waiting around, 

Talking, 

Sharing life stories,

Getting to know one another. 

As the show gets closer to its end, 

It’s harder and harder for the contestants to see one of their friends fall. 

There are real connections. 

There are real tears. 

 

When Jesus was crucified, 

One of thieves on his side mocked him. 

The other proclaimed he was Lord. 

How did the latter know this about Jesus? 

What led him to make such a bold declaration? 

Was it simply in how Jesus went about the process of dying? 

Or were there countless behind the scene hours that we don’t see? 

“Criminals” held together awaiting execution, 

Talking, 

Sharing life stories, 

Getting to know one another, 

So that as it got closer to the end, 

It was harder and harder to say goodbye? 

 

I think that sometimes we read scripture and forget that it was real people living the stories

And that all the details weren’t written down. 

There are time lapses and emotional connections and food breaks and rest breaks and 

Themes like clothes used for continuity

But real time passes and sometimes we don’t know how much. 

 

May we allow the Holy Spirit to illuminate the words 

on the pages 

of the book 

that is increasingly being used 

as a weapon 

And may we connect our lives to the 

Greatest story every told, 

Jesus,

The servant King, 

The last one standing. 

Amen. 

Oil Spots

 

I was sitting in the parking lot at Lidl on Sunday morning

When I looked ahead at the empty parking spaces

And noticed just how many oil and fluid stains there were!

 

I thought to myself,

A lot of people’s cars must leak oil and fluids!

I hope mine is not one of them. 

 

I’m a 5000 mile oil change girl.

I get the multi point inspection and probably let the Toyota place suck me in to getting things done that I don’t really need. 

I would like to think that they’re not taking advantage of me because I am a woman

But maybe they are.

I just know that I feel better when I feel like my car is maintained

Even though, really, it could break down just as easily as any other vehicle.

 

I recently had to get tires. 

I did actually need them. 

They weren’t completely bald and I probably could’ve gotten some more use out of the ones I had,

But bad weather and travel were coming

So I went on and got them. 

 

In the process,

I realized just what a privilege it is to be able to get new tires

And to maintain my oil and fluids every 5000 miles. 

Car maintenance is expensive and time consuming. 

Some people don’t have the money to do routine maintenance while

Other people don’t have the time. 

Some people must choose between putting food on the table and getting their car serviced while 

Other people must choose between spending time family duties and sitting at the shop because they don’t have anyone to come pick them up or because they don’t have anyone to sit with the kids. 

To have a little bit of money in savings to cover tires and other expenses—

To have the time to sit and wait and do work—

These things are a privilege. 

And I don’t have them for granted. 

Not in these days. 

Not in these times. 

Not at this moment in history 

When it seems that life as we know it is quickly changing. 

 

May we not take simple things for granted. 

Oil changes. 

Fluid top offs. 

Tires. 

Smiles. 

Kindnesses. 

Open parking spaces. 

Hugs. 

Laughter. 

The ability to work. 

The ability to wait. 

Safety. 

And cars.

 

In so many ways,

We are a blessed people. 

Let us use our blessings to bless others 

And to help them keep their cars and lives maintained. 

 

Let us see less oil and fluid stains 

And more marks of love. 

 

Amen. 

 

12 Seconds

 

Have you ever been heating something in the microwave,

Waiting patiently,

Or maybe not so patiently,

When you got to the last few seconds,

And just gave up and opened the door early?

 

This happens all the time at school!

I’ll go to the microwave and see twelve seconds remaining,

Or four,

Or seven.

Some small number that represents seconds

That someone just couldn’t wait for their food.

 

I did it just the other day!

 

I suppose that in a school setting, every second counts.

We literally don’t have much time to heat our food and also eat it.

So saving a few seconds of heating time gives a few more seconds of eating time.

I know I’ve eaten my food cold more than once so I’d have more time to digest.

So I guess that makes sense.

 

But what about at home?

We open the microwave early all the time!

And there’s no rush.

There’s no reason not to wait for the final few seconds to impart heat into the food.

We just don’t do it.

We open the door and leave those seconds suspended in time.

And we create more steps for next time because we have to first clear out the wasted seconds

So that we can put in the new time and press start once again.

 

Why do we do this?

 

Why do we so often rush the process?

 

Why do we so often quit the process before it through?

 

Why do we so often wait impatiently when know that we are waiting for something good?

 

I don’t know.

 

Human nature I suppose.

 

I just think it’s interesting that we can’t wait 12 more seconds.

 

God, help us wait 12 more seconds.

 

Amen.

Keep Going

 

Just before the feeding of the 5000,

Jesus and the disciples were going to a solitary place

Because they were exhausted and needed to rest.

Rest didn’t come, however,

Because people followed them and

Jesus had compassion on the people.

 

On Friday night,

I reflected on Mark 6’s telling of this story.

First, I wrote down what I imagined Jesus saying through the text.

Then I wrote down what God was saying to me for this time of history.

Maybe one of these will speak to you.

Maybe you need these messages, too.

 

…

 

Come.

Rest awhile.

Eat with me.

Drink with me.

But no—

Nevermind.

There is more work to do.

Look at them—

The people—

They are hungry and hurting.

Compassion runs over.

And it’s up to us to show them a steady presence—

To teach about love and

To heal through being together.

So keep going.

I will make it possible—

Even when you need rest.

And when it seems impossible—

I will feed thousands with

5 loaves and 2 fish—

And still there will be enough.  

 

…

 

Keep going.

Keep giving.

Keep showing up.

Keep writing.

Keep praying.

There will be moments of rest on the boat—

The journey with me can renew and restore.

Just keep going.

I am greater than

The country going backwards

Eating disorders

Cancer diagnoses

Deportation

Broken justice

Misplaced blame

Fear

ALL can be fed.

But you have to keep going.

Let me do what you cannot.

 

Amen.

Automatic Flusher

 

I remember one time many years ago when I accompanied a five-year-old to the bathroom.

She was doing her business when the automatic flusher flushed.

It scared her half to death and real tears were shed.

I don’t like automatic flushers.

They often interrupt you rather than giving you the time and space that you need.

And they are loud.

And they are forceful.

I think sometimes we are automatic flushers.

When someone is sharing difficult thoughts and emotions with us, we cut them off and clean them up before they are finished or given the time that they need to process.

We mean well.

But in our haste, and often discomfort, we rush to a conclusion when often we need just to sit in silence.

I don’t know about you,

But I don’t want to be an automatic flusher.

Beloved

 

My dad bangs on the wall each morning to make sure I’m awake.

Sometimes I am. Sometimes I’m not.

Sometimes I immediately get up. Sometimes I forget.

Sometimes I make it downstairs while breakfast is still cooking. Sometimes I make it downstairs after it’s done.

Sometimes dad is sitting at the table doing his morning devotionals. Sometimes he’s moving about.

Sometimes we have a morning conversation. Most of the time we do not. Because I’m really very bad at mornings!

 

Last Wednesday, as I was sleepily trying to get myself together,

Dad said, “I want to read you something from my Nouwen book. It’s quite profound.”

And so he read:

 

“One of the greatest dangers in the spiritual life is self-rejection. When we say, ‘If people really knew me, they wouldn’t love me,’ we choose the road toward darkness. Often we are made to believe that self-deprecation is a virtue, called humility. But humility is in reality the opposite of self-deprecation. It is the grateful recognition that we are precious in God’s eyes and that all we are is pure gift. To grow beyond self-rejection, we must have the courage to listen to the voice calling us God’s beloved sons and daughters, and the determination always to live our lives according to this truth.” (Henri Nouwen, Bread for the Journey)

 

Then my dad added, “We are God’s beloved children.

I think I fail to accept that sometimes.

And I think that not accepting it has caused me to make a lot mistakes and feel a lot of heartache and depression over the course of my life.”

My dad is 81.

 

I didn’t say anything in the moment because I was running late.

I was also moved with emotion.

Because I completely understood.

 

Later, though, I sent my dad a text:

 

“The sermon last Sunday was on being God’s beloved children. It’s very, very different theology than Southern Baptist theology, and it’s taken me years and years of therapy and hard work to reprogram my brain to accept that I am God’s beloved child over I am a sinner. We may be sinners, but if we believe that we ARE sin at our core, then we believe that we are bad. But if we believe that we are God’s beloved, then we believe that we are loved, regardless of sin. I’m glad that Nouwen made you think.”

 

Friends: However old you are, 18, 46, 64, 81, and anywhere in between, know this:

In the beginning, God created humankind and called humankind good.

You are good. Even though you sometimes do bad things.

You are beloved. Even though your nature holds capacity for sin.

Christ’s forgiveness is but a heart’s cry away.

The Spirit’s grace is never-ending.

God’s love extends to all.

And that all includes all of who you are.

 

Oh God: Grant us the courage to listen to the voice calling us your beloved sons and daughters, and help us find the determination to live our lives according to this truth. Amen.

Dog Eared Books

Does anyone else dog-ear book pages that they want to remember? Sometimes, depending on the book, I have more pages dog-eared than not. And it gets especially tricky when I want to dog-ear both sides of the page!

I have a lot of pages dog-eared in my devotion book, Moravian Daily Texts. Sometimes it’s the scripture passages that I want to remember. Sometimes the hymn lyrics. Sometimes the prayers. Regardless, there are words and phrases that I want to remember…and some that I want to share with you now:

Guiding Light, shine in the dark places WHERE WE HAVE YET TO SEE your grace, mercy, and love. We will follow your light and see life. Amen.

Lord, may we hold tightly to the peace which we share in Christ. MAY WE ALSO LET IT GO to share it with others who need it. May our day be filled with acts of giving and receiving peace. In Christ’s name, we pray. Amen.

God of the universe, THERE IS FAR MORE OF YOU THAT HAS YET TO BE SEEN BY US. Increase our faith so that the unknown does not frighten us but instead causes us to marvel at your grandeur. Amen.

All-present and all-powerful God, keep our eyes open, THAT WE MAY SEE YOU EVERYWHERE; and keep us grateful for all we see. Amen.

Help us, Lord, for we are so often afraid. TAKE AWAY THE FEAR THAT ROBS US OF OUR BEST SELVES AND ROBS YOU OF OUR SERVICE. Make us brave to live for you. Amen.

Lord, we pray today for all who are in peril, who live with violence, and those who work for good among people bent on harm. Protect them and MAKE US THEIR PROTECTORS, TOO. Amen.

The Lord said to Solomon, “Ask for whatever you want me to give you.” Solomon answered, “So GIVE YOUR SERVANT A DISCERNING HEART to govern your people and to distinguish between right and wrong.” 1 Kings 3: 5,9

I search for you, Lord,
In the washing and churning of ocean’s tide.
I look for your presence
In all of the brightness of morning’s sky.
I wander in fields of clover and flowers that smell so sweet.
I feel the brown earth and soft grass under my feet.
Lord, I KNOW YOU’RE NOT FAR AWAY.
God, I reach for you each day.
You are my life, you are my way.

----

What are some of your recent dog-ears? I’d love to hear.

Safety and Trust

Many years ago, a children’s minister told me her philosophy of children sleeping in church. She said, “The way I see it, if a child falls asleep in church, then it means he feels safe enough to sleep, and if he’s safe enough to sleep, then why not let him sleep? He’s resting in the arms of God.”

While you may or may not agree with this minister’s philosophy, it profoundly influenced me. In essence, when I see a child sleeping in my classroom, I let her sleep. I don’t freak out. I don’t get mad. I don’t punish her. I simply let her sleep for a little while and then wake her up. The way I see it, if she can sleep through music class, then she must need the rest, and if she feels safe enough to rest in my presence, then I let her rest.

Safety. Safety is so important. And safety is tied hand and hand with trust.

There are two Bible stories in which Jesus calms a storm. In one story, the disciples have gone ahead of Jesus and gotten themselves into a storm that Jesus lets rage all night before he walks on water to get to his friends and finally calm the storm. In the other story, Jesus has gotten into a boat with his friends and fallen asleep. While he is sleeping, a storm begins to rage and it continues to rage until the disciples awaken Jesus, who promptly calms the storm.

What I find so interesting about this latter story is that Jesus was sleeping. Very rarely in scripture do we hear anything about anyone sleeping, much less Jesus. But people had to sleep. And in this story, Jesus must have been tired because he fell asleep on the boat. What were the disciples doing? Were they fishing? Were they resting, too? Were they shooting the breeze? We don’t know. We just know that Jesus slept.

And if Jesus slept, then he must have felt safe. And if he felt safe, then he must have trusted the disciples to take care of him. Because safety goes hand in hand with trust.

Yes, a storm came. Yes, the disciples ended up waking Jesus because they were scared. Yes, they whom Jesus trusted ultimately put their trust in Him. But do you hear how the trust goes both ways?

The disciples trusted Jesus. And Jesus trusted his disciples. The disciples were his friends. And he has called us his friends, too.

Oh God: You are the embodiment of safety and trust, and you have entrusted us to be a people of the same. Help us to create safe spaces for the people in our lives to come and rest and help us always to have the courage to ask for help from those we trust. Amen.

Jesus Walking On Water

I can’t remember very many times that I’ve laughed while reading scripture. But last night I chuckled and then straight up laughed while reading the accounts of Jesus walking on water.

I first read the account out of Mark and chuckled:

“When evening came, the boat was in the middle of the lake, and [Jesus] was alone on land. He was the disciples straining at the oars, because the wind was against them. About the fourth watch of the night he went out to them, walking on the lake. He was about to pass by them, but when they saw him walking on the lake, they thought he was a ghost. They cried out, because they all saw him and were terrified.”

Did anyone catch anything sort of funny in that excerpt?

It’s noteworthy that Jesus saw the disciples struggling in the evening but didn’t go out to them until the fourth watch of the night—between 3am and 6am. That’s a lot of time that Jesus let the disciples strain at the oars.

What’s funny to me, though, is that this account says that he was about to pass by them! Like…he was on a casual stroll on the lake and was just going to walk right by the boat if he wasn’t noticed! 😊 I wonder if he’d have kept going if the disciples hadn’t thought him a ghost. I wonder if he’d have passed right by them, left the disciples straining at the oars, walked to the other side of the lake, and waited for the disciples to arrive. I’m not sure how else Jesus was planning to get to the other side anyway. And I’m not sure why it took the disciples so long to get across the lake. You’d think that maybe they were hanging out in the middle of the lake so that they could go and get Jesus the next morning…

And then in John, I straight up laughed:

“…By now it was dark, and Jesus had not yet joined them. A strong wind was blowing and the waters grew rough. When they rowed three or three and a half miles, they saw Jesus approaching the boat, walking on the water, and they were terrified. But he said to them, “It is I; don’t be afraid.” Then they were willing to take him into the boat, and immediately the boat reached the shore where they were heading.”

Did anyone catch anything funny in that excerpt?

It’s noteworthy that the disciples had only rowed three to three and a half miles. There was no reason for them to be hanging out in the lake all night unless, maybe, they really were waiting to go back and get Jesus from the shore—or, maybe, they were clueless without him.

What’s funny to me, though, is that “they were willing to take him into the boat!” They were willing! Hahahaha! Imagine the scene. Jesus was standing in the lake in the middle of a storm, wet from head to toe, and they knew it was him, yet they had to decide if they were going to let him into the boat! Or at least that’s how this passage makes it sound. THEN, they were WILLING to take him into the boat. Did they really consider just leaving Jesus, a friend, their master, in the middle of the lake?! Probably. Because, when we’re scared, we do stupid things…

Dear God: When we’re straining at the oars and the storm doesn’t calm and you don’t seem to be coming to save us, help us to keep straining at the oars until we realize that you are beside us…and then help us not to be so ignorantly afraid that we consider anything other than being willing to let you in the boat. Thank you for being creative enough to walk on water. And thank you for being patient with us when we are just plain dense. Amen. And Amen.

Thinking Cap

I keep my heat on 69. Usually, I am plenty warm, but over the weekend, I was really cold. While sitting in my office working, I put on both a hat and fuzzy lounge socks—neither of which I usually wear in the house. As the weekend progressed and I continued to work in my hat and fuzzy lounge socks, I came to think of my hat as my thinking cap. It thought me through a book, a book summary, four commentaries, and sixteen pages of typed notes…all for a retreat that I’m planning for March.

I shared a quote from my studies on Saturday, but I want to share an expanded version of the quote again here, along with a prayer that goes with it. May you read these words and be both blessed and challenged today, friends.

“We wish that God would cure all cancer…do away with hunger, disaster, and injustice. We would like the vengeful strength of God to be shown, and very mightily, against all who are lined up opposite us. But God’s strength seldom works that way; evil often falls of its own weight eventually. Usually, instead of fighting for us as we watch, he strengthens us to fight for ourselves. God’s strength is not always found in armies of angels. God’s strength is found in the consoling, the uplifting, and the strengthening of his people—like you and me.

Paul was arrested, beaten, and stoned—probably killed. Yet he rang out that God strengthened him. Strength, not in force or vengeance. But strength of Spirit and purpose.

In the face of our world, we might ask for bombs. God gives us himself instead. And at that moment, Buechner says, we look like persons who have asked for crust but have been given instead of the whole loaf of bread. For we are not given merely what God does—but God himself.

Father,
Strength of our souls, power of our existence,
Help us find your power not according to the world’s standards—
But in peace instead of war
In joy rather than bawdiness
In silence rather than the noise of conflict
Help us, because of the strength of you in us,
To do all we can as your instruments
To rely on the Spirit
To face all situations with hope—
Not the hope of vindication, but the hope of love and peace
Even as your strength works out your will.
Through Christ our Lord,
Amen.”

(--taken from Devotionally Yours, Philippians, pg. 98)

We ask for crust, but God gives warm, delicious bread. We ask for what God does, but God gives himself. Thanks be to the God of Jesus, bread, and thinking caps. Amen.

I Believe In You

Kindergarteners can be space aliens. Sometimes, I look at them wandering around the room, being super silly, completely happy not doing anything I ask, and I think, “I really hope no one comes into this classroom right now because it looks like I have no control over my classroom.” And, well, sometimes it feels as if I don’t.

That happened this afternoon. As the little aliens pushed all my buttons, I took one deep breath after another, trying everything I knew to do to remain calm and teach proper behavior…until…I exploded. And the true irony of it all? I was trying to teach the students about peace while standing in front of them far from peaceful.

…

Earlier today, a student made and gave me a drawing. It says my name and includes the phrase, “I believe in you,” along with the words hope, love, and light. I imagine that he was taking a cue from a piece of art that I have hanging above my desk, but still…I love his drawing…and I want to believe that when he comes to music class, he feels hope, love, and light, and that I believe in him.
…

I’ve been teaching about MLK, Jr. in preparation for the holiday that’s coming on Monday. At the end of his famous “I Have A Dream” speech, MLK referenced the song, “Free At Last.” He said, “…we will speed up that day when all of God’s children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands in singing the words of the old Negro spiritual, ‘Free at last, free at last, thank God almighty, I’m free at last.” Then he figuratively dropped the mic and walked off stage. Five years later, his tombstone was carved with those same words: Free at last, free at last, thank God almighty, I’m free at last.

…

Friends: There will be times in our lives when we get it right—when we speak words that will be remembered for all of eternity or act in ways that we’re everything we’ve ever wanted to be. But then there will be times when Kindergarten space aliens cross our paths and we can only pray that no one walks in to witness the cacophony.

That’s how life is. It is up and down, push and pull, failure and forgiveness, positive and negative, give and take.

Yet through it all, God is there, offering true peace—extending hope, love, and light—gently whispering, “I believe in you.”

…

Amen.