Bearing Witness

 

Eleven years ago,

On a Wednesday night,

In a hospital room at Wake Med,

I unofficially officiated my first wedding.

The bride-to-be’s mom had had a massive stroke the Sunday before and was on life support.

She was not going to recover.

The family had made the decision to take her off life support that night,

But before they did,

The couple wanted to be married so that the bride’s mom could be there.

I took my guitar and my Book of Common Prayer to the small little room in ICU.

Standing at the foot of the mother’s bed,

I sang a song,

Guided the couple through their vows,

And pronounced them husband and wife.

There were tears:

My tears, the family’s tears, the nurses’ tears.

It was a beautiful moment,

And it was so very real…

Even though there was no license and no way to declare the ceremony legally binding.

 

Yesterday,

On Palm Sunday,

At a beautiful outdoor venue with the sun shining down,

I officiated another wedding.

The couple was having a hard time finding an officiant,

So a friend recommended me.

I exchanged e-mails with the bride-to-be a handful of times.

I sent a copy of the ceremony for approval.

I met the bride and the groom at the rehearsal on Friday.

I showed up for the wedding yesterday,

Held the groom’s ring on my pointer finger and the bride’s ring on the tip of my pinky finger,

Guided the couple through their vows, and

Pronounced them husband and wife.

There were claps and smiles and tears all around.

It was a beautiful moment.

And it was so very real…

Right down to the signing of the marriage certificate that made everything legally binding.

 

As a Reverend Music Teacher,

Ordained into the gospel ministry

But living out my call in the public schools,

I have the privilege of bearing witness to a lot of life’s beautifully, vulnerable moments.

From the classroom to performances to weddings to funerals,

When families look at me and say, “Thank you,”

I get to respond truthfully, “It was my honor to be here.”

And it IS an honor

To get to walk alongside persons on their journeys

And to represent the presence of God in real and tangible ways.

 

Dear God: Help each of us, in the ways we are gifted, to walk alongside others and to represent You in real and tangible ways. Help us to show up for one another and to do the work of Love…legally binding or not. Amen.

Do It Anyway

I’ve been to a lot of North Carolina Music Educator’s Conferences and sat through countless hours of workshops, but until yesterday I’d never been to an ordination service in the middle of the conference. Here’s how it happened.

Confession: I’m terrible with Facebook Invites. For some reason, I often don’t see my FB invites until it’s too late to plan to attend the event. Such was the case with yesterday’s ordination. I hadn’t seen the FB invite until yesterday morning when I opened my computer to check in to my workshop and FB told me that I had an event happening near me. When I clicked on the event, I was somewhat shocked to see that, indeed, the event was happening near me. In fact, it was happening one block away from where I’ve practically lived for the past three days.

As if that wasn’t interesting enough, the event was scheduled to happen during an hour when I didn’t have a workshop. The chances of that being the case were slim to none; there have been workshops offered every business hour since Saturday at 9am! And so…I decided that I would attend my first mid-conference ordination service. I’m so glad that I did.

Not only was I able to worship in a beautiful sanctuary and remember my ordination in another beautiful sanctuary, but I was also able to see a couple of friends whom I hadn’t seen in many years and together support God’s call on the life of another woman in ministry. I can think of few things more sacred than that.

While the entire service was quite meaningful, there was one particular moment during the charge to the candidate that reached beyond the candidate and straight into my heart.

"People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere, people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway."
--Mother Teresa

I cried.
And I silently prayed that my friend would remember those words when times got hard.
And I silently prayed that I would do the same.
For you see, friends, life and ministry do not just happen inside the churches where Reverends are called out and affirmed,
But also in everyday life, in everyday circumstances, in everyday places,
Like the schools for which I have been at a conference learning to be a better Reverend teacher.

Officially

If you are an introvert who does not like physical touch, then I don’t suggest a big ordination service. If, however, you are an extravert who craves physical touch, then go for it…because the touches you receive and the words that you hear will propel you through the exhaustion that ensues after months of waiting.

I’ve had a lot of people call me Rev. this week. I’ve smiled.
I’ve had a lot of people ask me if I’m still floating from Sunday night. I am.
I’ve had people tell me that I was glowing at Sunday night’s service. I was.
I’ve had people joke that I suddenly have healing powers. I don’t. Yet parts of me have been healed…or least taken steps closer to redemption.

It’s hard to describe. These thoughts and feelings that I have.
Nothing extrinsic has changed.
I’ve still gone to work at school each day this week and done my best to be patient and loving with my coworkers and students. I’ve succeeded. I’ve failed. I’ve landed in between.
I’ve still gone to church a couple of times this week and done my best to be encouraging and spirit-led with my coworkers, choir, and congregation. I’ve succeeded. I’ve failed. I’ve landed in between.
I did those things last week, too.
Yet I feel different this week.
I think it’s partly because my love tank is full to overflowing.
But it’s more than that. It’s just hard to explain...

I don’t know how long the line was for people to pray for me. And I don’t know how many people the line held. But I know that I saw a lot of faces and felt a lot of hands and I know that I heard a lot of words that came from people’s hearts.

One sentence really sticks out to me, though, and it’s from one of my dearest friends from high school. “This is what you’ve been doing all along,” she said. “Now it’s just official.”

I guess maybe that’s it.
It’s official.
Called out and affirmed by hundreds of people.
Publically declared that my greatest desire in life is to love and show God’s grace to the world around me—
Wholeheartedly, in great and small tasks, through music and words, by simply showing up…

People have shown up for me. They showed up Sunday night.
And those who couldn’t show up Sunday night were still there with me.
My dad’s parents were with me in the necklace that I wore around my neck.
My mom’s parents were with me in the ring that I wore on my finger.
Kay was with me in the angel plaque that lay on the altar in the sanctuary.

People have shown up for me.
So I want to show up for people.
Officially.
Wholeheartedly.
With everything that I am.
Extraverted, craving of words of affirmation, needing hugs and all.

My People

“This is a bit overwhelming,” I said. “But it’s good. It’s really good. I’m so glad that my people are finally getting to meet my people.”

Gentry, Erwin, Johnsonville.
Camp Mundo Vista, Camp La Vida.
Friendship, FBC Erwin, Antioch.
Harnett Central, Meredith, Campbell, Wake Med.
Friends, family.

My people got to meet my people. To see each other. To put faces to names. To hear each other. To worship together. And short of my getting to see all of my people myself, hug lots of necks, and sing with my friends again, it is the thing I was most excited to happen at my ordination last night.

To those who were there in person: Thank you.

And I’m curious: What words from last night’s service spoke the most to you? Have any words been going through your mind today? (And I’m not necessarily looking for words about me. I’m genuinely curious as to how the Spirit spoke to you.)

To those who sent words and prayers in your absence: Thank you.

For everyone: Here is the program order.

------

Order of Worship
for the Ordination of Deanna Deaton
March 29, 2015, 6pm

Welcome
Presentation of Candidate
Call to Worship
Congregational Hymn #235: When I Survey The Wondrous Cross
Invocation
Special Music: You Are
Scripture Reading, Isaiah 55: 8-12
Homily and Prayer
Congregational Hymn #384 (v. 1 and 3): The Servant Song
Scripture Reading, Romans 12: 1-8
Charge to the Church
Litany of Affirmation and Support
Special Music: A Follower’s Prayer
Scripture Reading, John 15: 9-17
Charge to and Prayer for the Candidate
Laying on of Hands
Congregational Hymn #384 (v. 2), The Servant Song
Deanna’s First Ordained Communion
Presentation of Church Gift
Benediction

It Feels Nice

I’m a pretty good teacher on Mondays. Even when I wake up every hour the night before and have angst filled dreams of not being able to get to my classroom even though I know that a class is waiting or of being called out for not being at duty on time because the bell rang ten minutes early or of having a fire drill that’s not really a drill because an oven in the kitchen is on fire during arrival time in the morning (all of which happened last night), I’m still a pretty good teacher on Mondays. I realized this fact at the end of the day today as I looked at the evidence of a day of focused teaching. There are many days when I feel like a terrible music teacher. I very well may feel like a terrible teacher tomorrow—especially if I don’t rest better tonight. But today I think I might be a pretty good teacher. And, truthfully, it feels nice.

…

It also feels nice to make music with my best friend again. We once recorded two CDs, performed quite a few concerts, led quite a few worship services, and spent countless hours practicing together, but for the past eight years our music has been silent. Life has gotten in the way. But tonight, we sang together again. We prepared for my ordination in two weeks. Our aging voices blended perfectly and we transformed simple songs into something beautiful. I’ve always been amazed at how the two of us are able to make something beautiful.

…

Honestly, after a day of focused teaching and beautiful music making on the tail of a terrible night’s sleep, I’m a little tired. All cylinders aren’t firing. I have no wisdom to offer. So I’ll simply end with the lyrics of the song that Angela and I are preparing for my ordination. Come to FBC Erwin at 6pm on Sunday, March 29th to hear it performed live…and to hear slightly updated lyrics. [Yes. That is an invitation .]

…

I sit all alone in this beautiful place
I fall on my knees but I stand on your strength
Jesus, You, You Are
I don’t understand why you’ve brought me here
To a place I’d run from, year after year but
Jesus, You, You Are

All my days full of motion, running from here to there
Split devotions, I don’t know how to bear
Yet you’re the way and the truth and the life on this path
The loving creator, the first and last

Jesus, you are the life of me
You are the light I need
You are the great I Am
The Prince of Peace and the Son of Man
You Are

I look around all at this crazy world
Even your children go against your Word but
Jesus, You, You Are
How can just one person make a difference that lasts
When so many people are stuck in the past but
Jesus, You, You Are

Running round in circles trying to bridge the gap
But the weight of humanity is stronger than that
Yet you’re the rock I can build on, you’re the image of grace
The holy redeemer, Love’s relentless face

Jesus, you are the life of me
You are the light I need
You are the great I Am
The Prince of Peace and the Son of Man
You Are

Defining Moments: FBC Erwin Times Three

“I hope you’re paying attention to this,” Lori declared. “You need to know how it’s done so that you can marry my girls when they get married.”

“I’m not ordained,” I replied, “so I can’t marry your girls.”

Looking somewhat surprised and confused, “You’re not ordained?”

“Nope.”

“Do you want to be?”

“Yes.”

“Then we’ll ordain you. Consider it done.”

And. Well. It’s done.

…

For a long time, I wouldn’t even consider working at a church. I knew too much about church politics to willingly subject myself to church ministry, and yet I somehow found myself applying for a youth ministry job in the spring of 2001. I honestly don’t remember who or what convinced me to apply for the job, but I did.

So when the music minister at FBC Erwin, Teresa, told me that her church was looking for a youth minister as well, I thought to myself, “What the heck. I’ve already applied for one job. Why not just go on and apply for this one, too.” I remember that moment and decision quite vividly—standing among my music teaching colleagues in Teresa’s then brand new office.

The interview at the first church went fine. It was a lead-the-youth-for-a-trial-lesson-and-then-answer-some-questions event. They wanted to know what I could offer their church and I told them. Nothing tricky. No curveballs. I walked away feeling fine.

The interview at FBC Erwin, though, was a doozy. After figuring out where I was supposed to be in the church, I made my way to a large conference table surrounded by lots of people. I sat down and the interview began and I found myself answering all kinds of questions—and these questions weren’t about what I could offer the church. These questions were about me. They probed by thoughts on God and the church and hit all kinds of hot topics. At one point, after the pastor asked what I’d do if one of the youth came to me struggling with same-gender attraction and I’d emphatically answered that I’d first let the kid know that he/she was loved—period—and that I’d then go from there—everyone took an audible breath—realizing how deeply intense the interview had become. I think it surprised all of us. But it was a good surprise that I really appreciated. It’s always good to know who you are working with—not just what they say they can do for you.

Walking back to my car, I found myself passing through the sanctuary alone. For those of you who know the layout of FBC Erwin, then you know that the sanctuary is in a separate building from the conference table and that it is not at all necessary to pass through it to get to the parking lot. But I didn’t know that at the time, so I went back to my car the same way that I had come, and I suddenly found myself so overwhelmed by God’s presence that I fell on my knees and wept. In that moment, I knew that I had found the place from which I’d been running.

…

I worked at FBC Erwin for three years. I led the church’s women’s retreats for many years after that. I visit with the people whenever I can—speaking, singing, or playing handbells. And I’m still in touch with most of my youth and/or their parents. In fact, I was at my youngest youth’s wedding whenever the conversation from above occurred!

After giving my testimony at the church’s business meeting last night and after hearing that the church had overwhelmingly and enthusiastically approved my ordination, I found myself moved to tears by the reality of it all. I am a public school music teacher. I am a part-time music minister. I am not working in full-time vocational ministry nor do I have a secret plan to be doing so sometime soon.

And yet…fourteen years later, the church that called me out of my pattern of running has called me out as minister.

I am deeply humbled. And grateful. And somewhat in awe of the fact that Lori decided what needed to be done and actually made it happen.

***The date and time of Little (future) Reverend Deaton’s ordination service are in the process of being determined. I’ll make an official announcement when details are hashed out.***