Deflated

 

I don’t think that I could be a professional performer. 

I used to want to be in a Broadway show

(Les Mis to be precise—

Eponine to be exact), 

But somewhere along the way, 

I realized that I might get bored doing the same thing over and over again. 

And not only that, 

I think it would be somewhat of a thankless job. 

Yes, there would be applause,

But there wouldn’t be very many accolades after the show because 

You would be doing the same thing night after night and having to stay away from the crowd 

Rather than interacting with it.

 

Last Friday night,

My second and third grade students performed a program on the continents.

In a lot of ways,

We have been working on the program all year

Because we began talking about the continents and world music in the fall.

I decided to extend that concept into their stage performance

And selected one song from each continent except for Antarctica.

As the narration said,

The reason we didn’t sing a song from Antarctica is because only scientists, penguins, and seals live there :-). 

 

The kids worked really hard on the music and I think they learned some things in the process.

115 of them showed up for the performance

And did a fantastic job.

 

Administration was there and commended me. 

A handful of teachers were there and commended me. 

My team was there and commended me. 

But no parent said anything to me

And, honestly, it left me feeling deflated 

On top of being exhausted. 

 

But then I started thinking. 

How many times have I been to a performance and not spoken to the director? 

The answer is more times than I can count. 

I praise the person I go to see. 

Or talk about the performance with the people I’m with. 

But the director rarely gets any accolades 

Beyond the curtain call 

Or name recognition in the program. 

It’s just not what people do. 

Yet for people like me who need words of affirmation, 

It leaves a gaping hole and 

Makes us wonder if we are truly seen…

 

God, 

Forgive my insecurities and 

Help me to rest in knowing 

That I am doing my job. 

And when there is a way,

Help me to speak simple words of affirmation 

To those who need them most. 

Amen. 

 

Regardless

 

A decade ago, my dad read something that profoundly impacted my life:

“I love you regardless of how well you’re performing.”

That one statement worked its way into my consciousness

As a statement

From God to me,

From me to God,

From me to myself,

From me to those I love,

And from me to those I struggle even to like.

It became a prayer that I prayed over the people in my life—

a mantra that I repeated until negative thoughts began to turn positive and

All I remembered was that we’re all human and walking this journey together.

 

Sometimes loving people regardless of how well they’re performing is challenging—

Especially around the holidays.

Sometimes we want people to be more vulnerable than they are.

Sometimes we want them to be more outgoing or friendly than they are.

Sometimes we want people to be more capable than they are.

Sometimes we want them to be more giving than they are.

We don’t mean to do it.

But sometimes we want people to be who they are not.

Which is not fair to them…or us.  

 

Oh God,

This Holiday Season and beyond,

Help us to love people for who they really are

Instead of who we want them to be.

Help us to see people as your good creation

Instead of who we have made them to be.

And help us, God, daily to

Remember, say, and believe,

In all its many forms,

“I love you

Regardless of how well you’re performing,”

Until we truly believe it and live it

In all that we say and do.

 

Amen.

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle

 

I have my last program of the year tomorrow night.

It’s a Kindergarten and 1^st Grade program and will feature eight songs,

Including The Greenwood Song and a song about Earth Day.

As per usual, the program songs have been playing nonstop in my head.

One lyric, in particular, has been on repeat

Because it is such a good reminder of what I need to be doing:

“I am an Earth Day helper, I like to lend a hand,

I pick up trash and water plants, recycle when I can.”

 

Unfortunately, my county does not recycle.

And unfortunately, my plants are now in the back room where I don’t remember to water them.

But. I’m pretty good at picking up trash.

And I’m pretty good at reducing and reusing.

And I’m pretty good at being amazed at people who are ingenious in their ideas of

Reducing, reusing, and recycling.

 

Take these two ideas that I garnered from Facebook and a conversation with a friend:

 

Instead of donating gently used clothes to a thrift store,

You can contact a local nursing home or long-term care facility to see

If there are any residents in need of new clothes.

Some residents have no family or friends to visit them or provide for their basic needs.

Clothes become thread bare and worn as residents re-wear them each day.

Having new clothes can make a person feel better about themselves

And help with their dignity and quality of life.

 

Instead of throwing away cut flower arrangements

(From weddings, church services, company events, school celebrations, etc.),

You can rearrange them into smaller arrangements and deliver them to shut-ins, nursing homes, or hospitals

For persons who need a boost of encouragement.

While we may not all have an organization around us that does this,

There ARE organizations that exist for the sole purpose of repurposing cut flowers for

Random Flowers of Kindness.

Who would have thought that this would be a thing?!

But it is.

And it inspires me to be creative in how I reach into the world.

 

May you be inspired, too, and

May we do all that we can to

Reduce, reuse, and recycle…

And brighten someone’s world in the process.

 

Amen.

Of Course

 Last Friday, as I was making last minute preparations for the 4^th and 5^th grade program,

A parent wrote me to ask a question.

She wanted to know if her son was going to be involved in the program that night.

She had assumed that he wasn’t going to be

Because he is an EC (Exceptional Children) student,

But after school that day he told her that he had practiced that afternoon and had to go back that night.

Of course he is, I told her.

He is more than welcome to come.

So he did.

And he performed with his neuro-typical, able-bodied peers,

And we had a great performance.

 

After ten weeks of work,

Rehearsing with soloists,

Singing meaningful songs hundreds of time,

And sending out multiple parent messages,

What sticks with me the most about last Friday night’s performance

Is that parent’s message.

She was so excited when I told her that her son was invited to perform.

It’s as if it were an abnormal occurrence for her son to be treated like his peers.

And that made me sad.

It still makes me sad.

 

While we have come a long way in our EC services in the past few decades,

We still have a long way to go.

It’s hard, knowing how to embrace persons who are differently abled,

But it’s a necessity that we learn and that we stop shutting them and their families in the closet.

Taking care of a special needs child is exhausting.

Many EC parents and caregivers love their children unconditionally but find themselves with the life-long commitment of taking care of children who cannot take care of themselves.

In general, we do a terrible job supporting the families and parents of special needs children.

It takes time, intentionality, and effort…

And yet…

We are called to love one another.

 

May we strive to live in a world where parents don’t have to write to see if their child is included.

And may we work to make the playing field equitable for everyone involved.

 

Amen. 

Bells and Cups and Singing, Oh My

Harnett Off-Broadway.
Four nights. March. Every year.
Harnett County’s Annual Celebration of the Arts.
Every school performs.
One act. 10 minutes.
Up to 45 students.
Nothing is judged. Officially.
But everything is judged. Unofficially.
“I want this year’s performance to be so good that it knocks my socks off.”
A lot of pressure.

Friends: I’m not a flashy person. I know. You’re shocked. I don’t do fancy costumes that can only be worn once. I don’t do catchy show-tunes that have little meaning. I’m too practical for the costumes and I’m too focused with teaching about life to do something that either doesn’t have a theme or doesn’t convey a message.

And so…Harnett Off-Broadway, more affectionately known as HOB, is not my favorite event of the year. I’m always afraid that my school’s performance will disappoint parents and administration. And that’s a lot of pressure for this recovering people pleaser.

The process of selecting HOB music each year is not a fun one for me. I first catch an idea or two from a song or theme and then wait for everything to fall into place. This year in particular, I had three completely different trains of thought but had decided on one of them based on its message and ease of preparation. I had discussed costuming and staging with Barb the Art Teacher and shared my thinking with some of my coworkers…and yet it didn’t feel right. One of the other ideas didn’t feel right either, but the third idea made no sense. I had bits and pieces of a production but nothing to hold it together…until the final piece fell into place.

Ever since we started practicing, I’ve told the kids that if we get this performance right then it’s going to look and sound very simple. Yet it’s not. It’s actually really hard. We’re providing our own accompaniment and singing a solid two columned page full of original lyrics. When everyone is together, I must attempt to conduct three different small groups of children. If one group gets off, then it throws off the others. The song is a recipe for disaster…or a chance to present a great world-premiere. I’m really hoping for the latter.

If it had been up to me and my performance during practice this afternoon, then I would have helped create a disaster. I kept forgetting or singing the wrong words. I kept forgetting when to play what and I kept throwing my cup on the floor. [One group is doing the cup game.] The girls I was standing near kept looking at me and laughing. I deserved it. They have become the pros. I am now the novice. They make it look easy. I made it look like the difficult task that it is.

Our performance is next Thursday night. We still have a lot of work to do in between now and then. But my hope is that my kids will keep learning and that they will keep making the very difficult look easy and that they will remember this experience as a wonderful and possibly formational time in their lives…even if it’s a time that completely stresses their teacher out!