On Turning 50

I don’t remember jokes very well.

And I don’t usually remember exact quotes either.

But many years ago,

My brother said something I’ll never forget:

“There’s nothing much less useful than a cold French fry.”

😊

 

I’ve always looked up to my brother.

So many of my childhood memories have him in it,

And, oddly enough, a lot of those memories involve sports!

One of my favorite memories is playing football.

My brother drew out the plays on his hand,

With x’s and arrows.

We were very serious about the execution of those plans,

And to this day, I live by his subconscious advice:

“Make a plan, and execute it well!”

 

Other memories involve band.

My brother was a trombone player,

And he once told me,

“If you’re going to play an instrument, play it well.”

So I listened.

I was asked to start high school marching band in 7^th grade.

That meant three years marching with my brother.

I always thought that was neat.

 

I also think it’s neat that

It’s because of my brother that

I am now an avid art collector.

Daniel once told me that if I had the money to afford a piece of art

That spoke to me,

Then I should buy it.

(That was in the beginning.

Now I must ask if I have the money AND the wall space :-p).

 

It’s also because of him that I see so many musical and theatre performances.

He says that we put our money where our values are—

That if I value musicals and theatre performances,

Then I should go see them.

So I do.

 

And he also once said that

When given a choice to do something that you really want to do vs. sleep,

Choose the thing you want to do.

He said, “You will likely remember the event or activity—

But you won’t likely remember that nap.”

Now. I like sleeping. I’m a nap taker.

But sometimes people and events are more important than even naps.

And Daniel’s words help me remember that.

 

Daniel’s 50^th birthday is today.

So today I am especially grateful for the boy that he was,

The man that he is,

And the person he is still becoming.

 

May we all influence others’ lives for the better…

Especially in our passing words and wisdom.

May we eat fries when they are warm,

Make good plans,

Enjoy good art,

See meaningful shows,

And make lasting memories with those we love.

 

Amen.

Happy Whatever-fraction-it-is Birthday

Today is one of my friend’s birthdays. It’s another’s half birthday. And it’s yet another’s 2/3 birthday.

Don’t ask me why I do this, because I don’t know, but I wish two of these friends a happy whatever-fraction-it-is birthday every 27th of the month.

I always get excited when I realize it’s the 27th. I find myself calculating and reducing fractions, usually first thing in the morning, and sending happy whatever-fraction-it-is birthday to my friends. They always smile and say thank you in response. Sometimes we chat for a few minutes. Sometimes they write me on my whatever-fraction-it-is birthday, and I smile and thank them in return. It’s a nice little exchange. And it’s something so very, very simple…

I’ve been doing okay with thoughts of returning to school. Even though mostly everything is uncertain—including what I’ll be teaching and in what space I’ll be teaching it—I’ve been practicing being present in these moments rather than letting the uncertainty take control of me. But this morning, while texting a friend, I broke down and cried at the overwhelming nature of it all.

And then I remembered that it’s the 27th. I smiled. It’s a friend’s birthday. It’s another friend’s half birthday. It’s another friend’s 2/3 birthday. There is reason for celebration today.

Don’t worry. I didn’t deny my tears. I let them flow until they were ready to stop. I fully felt the angst that I was feeling. But then I tried to do what scripture asks us to do: “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

Friends: May you find reason to celebrate today. And may you start wishing your people happy whatever-fraction-it-is birthday. Everyone needs to know that they are cause for celebration at different points throughout the year…because sometimes, a lot of times, the people in our lives are the biggest reasons we have to give thanks. Give thanks today, friends. Amen. And amen.

FreeCell

A couple of weeks ago, I had the strangest conversation with myself.

“I’d like to play FreeCell,” I thought.

“FreeCell?!” I responded.

“You haven’t played FreeCell in years!”

“I know. But I’d really like to play.”

I didn’t play that day. Or the next. Or the next.

But as thoughts of FreeCell continued to enter my mind, I finally gave in to the thoughts and downloaded a FreeCell App.

The last time I’d played FreeCell was when it came pre-installed on my computer!!

Since the download, I have played around 20 games.

I’ve noticed that I hold my breath while I’m playing because I get so anxious about my moves.

I try not to use hints, but sometimes I do.

I try not to use undo, but sometimes I do.

Sometimes I win. Sometimes I lose. But my reactions are always the same:

I feel very sad when I lose—disappointed and let down.

But then I feel a huge sense of accomplishment when I win—especially when I’ve caught myself thinking, “This is impossible. I’m going to lose.” The little card dance at the end of the game is truly a celebration! I begin to breathe again. And I smile while I release a little cheer.

I told a friend about my newfound FreeCell hobby. She said, “Your life is getting ready to become very hectic and stressful. You FreeCell all you want.”

I think I will.

I think I’ll continue my quest to be present right now—with whatever my thoughts bring up.

The stress of school (or whatever “school” is to you) is coming soon enough. For some, it’s already here.

So for now, and even then, let’s find joy every way we can…simple (well, not so simple 😊) victories included.

It Is For Freedom

I confess. It’s easier not to write. I got off schedule during the last week of school because after working on an end-of-year computer requirement that involved writing for at least 8 hours each day I was, quite frankly, tired of looking at the computer. In fact, if I remember correctly, when I got home that Thursday night, I was so tired of everything that I plopped onto the couch and didn’t move for over three hours. Then I went to Florida to surprise non-internet using G-mama, to kid-sit Griffin the Nephew and Amelia the Niece, and on family vacation where internet connection was hit or miss. I could have written each of those nights. It was possible. But, like I said, it’s easier not to write. It’s easier not to do things that take time, discipline, vulnerability, and sacrifice.

Honestly, I’ve given serious thought to discontinuing these Monday and Thursday posts. I started writing them six years ago as a means of letting people know that those of us in full-time vocational ministry were not super-humans but regular-humans that experience life just like everyone else, and while I ended my work in full-time vocational ministry 2012, I’ve kept writing. I’ve kept writing because I knew it was a discipline that was good—a simple spiritual discipline of sorts—not a spiritual discipline listed in Foster’s Celebration of Discipline—but a discipline nonetheless. Yet many times my non-super-human self finds itself wondering, “What’s the point of posting each week? I don’t have anything profound to say. I write about Bullet and my family and school most of the time. And when I do write something spiritually or emotionally significant, most people don’t read it, so why put the words out there? Why not just stop?”

Before Mister Pastor Patrick announced that he and his family were returning home to live in Texas, he had scheduled yesterday and next Sunday as vacation time and asked my dad to fill the pulpit on those two Sundays. So my dad spoke yesterday and preached about freedom—about a people’s challenge to use their freedom not to take care of themselves and build up their own riches but to honor God and take care of one another.

In setting up the sermon for the children, Rebecca the Children’s Minister asked the children to recite the last line of The Star Spangled Banner: “O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave.” She told the kids that even though we are each free to do pretty much anything we want to do—as long as we don’t break the law—we, as Christ-followers, are challenged to do things that are good and right and of God—and those things often take bravery.

As I write tonight, fireworks are going off around me. Bullet is petrified but hundreds of thousands of people around the country are celebrating freedom. I am grateful. And I am challenged to uphold and share a message of freedom to the people of every tribe, nation, and tongue, for the freedom that dominates my heart and mind tonight is a freedom that transcends tribe, nation, and tongue.

You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other…[And] the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit (--excerpts from Galatians 5).

Freedom. Love. Patience. Self-control. Discipline. Bravery.

I could stop writing. It would be so easy to stop writing. Life would go on and the world would keep turning. Yet on this Independence Day as I recognize that I am fortunate to have the freedom to pretty much do as I please, I also recognize that freedom is not free and that it comes with a call to be greater than myself. It comes with a call to be brave and to live by the Spirit that once called and continues to call me to walk this journey of faith with those around me…together…sacrificially…with discipline…and Love.

Birthday Bowling

Growing up, I somehow learned to throw incorrectly. Instead of stepping forward with my left foot and throwing with my right arm (I’m right-handed), I stepped forward with my right foot and threw with my right arm. I did the same when “playing” bowling. Instead of sliding with my left foot and rolling with my right arm, I slid with my right foot and rolled with my right arm. I also thought that the word “playing” belonged in front of the word bowling, not realizing that “bowl” is a verb in and of itself.

As an adult, I’ve learned how to throw correctly even though I still throw wrong when I’m not consciously thinking about it. And, thanks to a bowling class in college and my bowling league in South Carolina, I’ve also corrected both my bowling grammar and rolling technique. Both come completely naturally to me now—so much so that bowling is my favorite sport.

It’s no wonder, then, that I immediately said yes when a friend asked if I wanted to go bowling for my birthday yesterday. For the second year in a row, I ate my birthday lunch at a bowling alley and broke out my bowling shoes and bowling balls to celebrate life with friends. For the second year in a row, I had a wonderful time—even if the woman at the food counter refused to give the birthday girl a birthday cookie when she realized that the birthday girl was turning 38—not 3 or 8.

During our second game yesterday, I decided that I’d be adventurous and use the available bumpers. In order to roll the ball to the spot where it needed to ricochet off of the bumper, I had to move over my approach a couple of boards. I found the place where I usually get in my bowling stance, scooted over two boards, and then bowled.

Did you know that the floor boards at the bowling alley aren’t randomly placed? Did you know that all bowling alleys have the same board lay-out and that you can and should use the boards to guide your bowling?

Did you know that it’s cheaper to buy your own bowling shoes than to rent them if you plan to bowl at least once or twice a year? And did you know that bowling shoes come in different styles with different bottoms that help you slide in different ways?

Did you know that lanes at different bowling alleys and in different competitions have different oil patterns laid on them? The machines that bowling alley workers oil the lanes with can be set to distribute different oil patterns, making it more difficult for bowlers to find their path to the strike pocket.

Did you know that bowling balls are not only different weights but are also made of different materials and can be weighted to curve at certain angles and certain times depending on the amount of spin that the bowler puts on the ball?

Did you know that the more a lane is used, the more its oils start forming pathways that balls follow—that this is why it is important to roll consistently and to understand how to make adjustments in approach and/or ball usage? Some balls roll better in different oil patterns on different days with different bowlers who roll different ways.

Did you know that unless you are someone who consistently throws strikes—and that’s not many of us—then you need to learn techniques to pick up your spares if you desire a higher score?

On the surface, bowling seems so simple: roll a ball, knock down the pins. In reality, bowling can actually be quite complicated.

I think this is how it is with people sometimes, too. On the surface, we seem so simple—so happy—so together—so “Christian.” In reality, we are actually quite complicated—with layers of thought and emotion—with layers of questions and doubts.

Sometimes, like I learned to throw incorrectly, we learn to deal with people incorrectly—we learn to be too passive, too aggressive, too involved, not involved enough. But sometimes, even when we learn proper interpersonal techniques—offering safe space, listening well, being non-anxious, embracing unconditionally—we revert back to our old ways like I revert back to my improper throwing.

May we be a people constantly learning proper ways of being in relationship with others—making healthy, selfless love so much a part of ourselves that we don’t have to stop and think—remembering that what seems simple may really carry great depth—knowing that there is always grace when we mess up—because we will—and that there are almost always opportunities for second chances.

May we learn to pick up the spare when the strike just doesn’t come…