On Sam's Birthday

 

Today is St. Patrick’s Day.

Today is also Baby Sam‘s birthday.

Baby Sam was born 11 years ago. 

He, like all babies, had black poop when he pooped for the first time. 

I didn’t know this was the norm, 

So I was shocked.  

Sam’s mom, A, through her post birth pains, 

Laughed at me. 

 

Baby Sam lived a good life. 

He was well-loved by his Mama, Papa, and big sister,

As well as his extended family and friends. 

Baby Sam died when he was just six months old.

His life and death made a huge impact on all who knew him, 

Not the least of which was me. 

 

There are a lot of things we will never understand in life,

Sudden Infant death syndrome being one of them.

There are a lot of things that are sad and unfair and infuriating and crazy making and 

They leave us hurt and angry and lost and confused. 

 

Our tendency in life is to want to control  things. 

But some things can’t be controlled. 

Yet when we’re hurt and angry and lost and confused, 

We want to control things even more. 

We want to fix things. 

We want to make everything better.

We want to make sweeping changes that will put everything into balance. 

And then we get overwhelmed because it seems like there is nothing we can do because the problem is too great. 

 

In the movie Frozen Two, 

At her moment of deepest despair,

When all seems lost,

Anna sings this song: 

 

I've seen dark before

But not like this

This is cold

This is empty

This is numb

The life I knew is over

The lights are out

Hello, darkness

I'm ready to succumb

 

I follow you around

I always have

But you've gone to a place I cannot find

This grief has a gravity

It pulls me down

But a tiny voice whispers in my mind

"You are lost, hope is gone

But you must go on

And do the next right thing"

 

Can there be a day beyond this night?

I don't know anymore what is true

I can't find my direction, I'm all alone

The only star that guided me was you

How to rise from the floor

When it's not you I'm rising for?

Just do the next right thing

Take a step, step again

It is all that I can to do

The next right thing

 

I won't look too far ahead

It's too much for me to take

But break it down to this next breath

This next step

This next choice is one that I can make

 

So I'll walk through this night

Stumbling blindly toward the light

And do the next right thing

And with the dawn, what comes then

When it's clear that everything will never be the same again?

Then I'll make the choice

To hear that voice

And do the next right thing

 

Friends:

No matter where you find yourself today, 

Or in this season of life, 

I pray that you will stop trying to control 

Everything 

And just do the next right thing. 

 

Amen. 

Mimi

Salmon patties. 

That’s what I remember most about Mimi. 

Salmon patties and hummingbirds and talking really loud so she might hear. 

MiMi was Angela My Best Friend From

College’s grandmother. 

She died last Sunday at the age of 98. 

We celebrated her life on Saturday, 

And I walked away from the celebration with one burning question:

What can people learn about me from excavating my Bible? 

 

Mimi was a woman of faith.

Her theology was progressive and she supported women as pastors in Baptist life before it was a thing. 

She studied theology and read biblical commentaries simply because she wanted to.

She started an intergenerational Bible study at her church that outgrew all Sunday School rooms and had to meet in the sanctuary. 

Mimi was a student of the Bible and she evidently left clues in her Bible as to what made her tick. 

 

She underlined.

She wrote quotes. 

She stored poems. 

She shared wisdom. 

 

Her Bible was the Word that guided her life. 

 

Is my Bible the same? 

 

I will be honest and admit that I haven’t taken my Bible to church in years. 

My church prints the scripture readings each week so I don’t need it for worship, 

And when I study scripture on my own,

I read electronically on an online Bible platform. 

 

But after Mimi’s funeral, 

I began to wonder:

Am I missing something by not opening my Bible more often?

Am I forfeiting an opportunity to share with future generations what makes me tick?

 

My Bible has plenty of underlined passages from old. 

Might I need to update and underline passages of new—

New ways the Holy Spirit is helping me see and understand and live and be in this world?

Might I need to add new pictures and new little slips of paper with new quotes and new poems as bookmarks and reminders of people and places and events through whom God has spoken?

 

I think so.

 

Because if the Bible is the living word of God,

Then my Bible should show that much, 

Rather than serving as a time capsule from the past. 

 

Because if the Bible is the living word of God,

Then my Bible needs to be opened and read

Rather than just sitting on a shelf

Or riding around in the car. 

 

Because doing so would make Mimi proud. 

 

Because doing so is a privilege that I don’t want to take for granted

Any longer. 

 

May we each, like Mimi, 

Let God’s word guide us 

To be people of faith who

Do justice, 

Love Mercy,

and walk humbly with our God. 

 

Amen. 

Spirit Ball

 I’m not supposed to have favorites—

Really, I’m not.

So…

Let’s just say that there are certain students for whom I have a special place in my heart.

Two of those students happen to be in the same Monday class this year,

So Mondays usually see some heart-warming moments,

And a week ago Monday was no exception.

 

One of the students who has wormed his way into my heart

Is a repeating first grader with ADHD.

He is so very sweet, and so very full of energy,

And so very creative,

Which, according to him on that particular day,

Is because his stomach often hurts and

That makes his brain and hands create things.

 

As he sat at my desk creating that day—

Which is what he does when he comes to class,

Regularly interrupting me to tell me things—

He suddenly said,

“I think I know what God’s spirit looks like, Ms. Deaton.”

Curious to know more, I asked him to continue.

 

He said, “When your dad dies, his spirit goes into a spirit ball.

And he’s with your granddad in the spirit ball.

And you know how you think everything is dark when you die?

You open your eyes in the spirit ball and you see this bright light and it’s God!”

 

He explained this to numerous students as he created his spirit ball.

I didn’t stop him.

Instead, I just listened and looked at him with such deep compassion.

His dad died suddenly and unexpectedly over the summer.

I don’t know if someone explained the spirit ball to him,

If his creativity made it up,

Or if he’s seen the spirit ball himself.

I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s seen the spirit ball.

God has a way of speaking to children who have a way

Of seeing and hearing God in a way

That adults don’t.

 

So, yeh.

I’m not supposed to have favorites.

But ever so often, a student lodges him or herself in my heart.

This student is firmly lodged.

I think you can see why.

 

Oh God: Grant us the faith of a child. And help us to hold to the hope of an eternity in light, with you, instead of in darkness, alone. Amen.