F vs. T

 

I'm an F. Relationships are the most important thing in my life. All of my decisions are filtered through the lens of relationship.

 

I have a friend who is a T.  Raw facts and logic are what drive her. All of her decisions are based on the black and white of a situation. 

 

Being an F is not better than being a T. Being a T is not better than being an F. They are just fundamentally different ways of making decisions.

 

For some of us, our F or our T is our dominant function. It develops in us before anything else. It is what we naturally do. It is what we are best at. 

 

The catch is this: For every dominant function, there is an equally inferior function. Therefore, if the F or T is the dominant function, then the other is the inferior function--what develops last, what we don't naturally do, what we are worst at. 

 

My inferior function is my T. I am not good at making decisions based on raw facts and logic. I do not see things in black and white. I have trouble making decisions without taking relationships into account first.  

 

My friend's inferior function is her F. She is not good at making decisions based on how they will affect the people in her life. As such, she sometimes comes across as harsh or brash. She's not necessarily trying to be. She's just making decisions based on impersonal data.  

 

As we get older, if we are truly on a journey toward growth and maturity, then our inferior function will strengthen. We will gain more command of it and learn how to better use it. If, however, we are not on a journey toward growth and maturity, then our inferior function will remain the same and we will remain stagnant in our ability to make decisions.  

 

As I've gotten older, I've learned more of how to make decisions using raw facts and logic. It takes time. It takes effort. It is very often uncomfortable--especially when I know that my decision may not be popular. It is not easy for me.  But I can do it. And I must do it if I am to make difficult decisions. 

 

As my friend has gotten older, she has learned how to make decisions based on how they will affect relationships. It takes time. It takes effort. It is very often uncomfortable for her--especially when she makes a decision that goes against logic. It is not easy for her. But she can do it. And she must do it if she is not to burn all bridges in her life.  

 

Dear Friends...I don't know what you are, an F or a T. But I know this: I hope that you now have a better understanding of the difference between the two and that you can now see the fundamental dichotomy that they present. When someone says or does something you don't understand, take a minute to ask: Could they be filtering their decision through a lens that I don't naturally filter my decisions through? If so, can I try to understand where they are coming from? Can I try to be a picture of the grace that God so freely extends me? 

 

Don't get me wrong. Being a T isn't an excuse for being a jerk, just as being an F isn't an excuse for always being a people pleaser. But maybe, just maybe, even in our differences and shortcomings, we can start the journey toward being our best selves, dominant and inferior functions alike. 

Extraverted Roo-Cup

I’d not had a Roo Cup until this year.
Then, on a whim inspired by one of my choir members,
I suggested that my school PTO provide Roo Cups to the staff for Teacher Appreciation Week,
And all of a sudden I had my own Roo Cup.
It’s orange and everything.

It rode around in my car for a couple of weeks,
Still wrapped in its original packaging,
Because I’d heard that the first fill-up was free,
And for some reason I thought that I needed to be with someone to celebrate the free drink.

So I waited.
And waited.
And waited.
Until finally I asked a coworker if she’d go with me to use my Roo Cup for the first time.
She laughed at me.
But then we went.
And we met another co-worker.
And we all filled our Roo Cups,
Them for the many-th time. Me for the first.

Then we sat at the gas station and talked.
And drank our Icees and sodas from our Roo Cups.
And ate gas station potato chips.
And spoke to students and strangers.
And I declared myself a true extravert for not wanting to use my Roo Cup alone.

I’ve been reading a devotional book each night this week.
An idea that the writer keeps mentioning is that of Christ being in community with God—
God being Triune God—
Father, Son, Holy Spirit…Creator, Redeemer, Sustainer—
God being relationship with Godself—
And each of us being created to join in community relationship with Triune God and with one another.

Maybe I’m crazy,
But tonight, as I sip on another Icee that I stopped to get on my way home from an appointment in Raleigh,
And as I reflect on my inaugural Roo Cup experience,
I can’t help but think that if Jesus were humanly alive today,
Then he’d probably sit in community at gas stations,
Drinking from Roo Cups,
Eating potato chips, and
Speaking to friends and strangers alike.

Defining Moments: One Moment in One Class during One Summer

The boys and I went to “play bowling” today. I think it’s ironic that they say “play bowling” because I always said the same thing.

On the way, we stopped at our local coffee shop to get everyone “coolachies” (Henry’s name for frappuccinos). As we were leaving the coffee shop, I first ran into a friend whom I hadn’t seen since we spent the summer together at Governor’s School in 1993 and then into one of my Divinity School professors and his wife.

When I got back into the car, the boys asked why my professor’s van was so low to the ground. I explained to them that he has Parkinson’s disease and is confined to his wheelchair, so he rides in a van equipped for the chair.

We talked about Parkinson’s disease and how it affects the body and as we talked I recalled a specific night in my professor’s class that changed my life.

The class was Ethics, Religion, and Spirituality in the Helping Professions. It was one of two summer school classes that I was taking in the summer of 2006. The syllabus included a one night discussion of how personality type influences spirituality, but the discussion ended up lasting only a few minutes at the end of that one class.

Yet that one discussion planted a seed in my heart that has grown to fruition in the years that have followed.

In 2007, I paid my own way to become a certified Myers Briggs Type Indicator administrator. I went to a one week class and focused specifically on the Myers Briggs Personality Type theory that was based on the work of Carl Jung.

After that class and further MBTI discussions with another one of my divinity school professors, I led a women’s retreat on how personality type affects spirituality and led training sessions at summer camps to help camp staff members learn how to understand themselves and how they could best relate to fellow staff members.

I have had countless type theory discussions with friends, family members, and coworkers, and I have seen how understanding type theory has helped strengthen and heal relationships with others, God, the church, and self.

Though many doubt the benefits and accuracy of the MBTI, and though I know that there are other effective theories and indicators, I wholeheartedly believe in the benefits of understanding Myers Briggs type theory and I believe that proper understanding can positively influence home, church, school, and corporate environments.

The moment happened so quickly—a passing discussion at the end of one class period in one
summer school session—a moment probably unnoticed by the rest of the class but one that began
a quietly gentle revolution in me.

Thanks, Dr. Hatcher, for providing me with that moment and for having the courage to keep
fighting for life and changing lives when it seems that so much is falling apart.

---

My cousin, Stephen, with whom I often “played bowling,” posted an article about those doubts today. Here’s the link: http://www.vox.com/2014/7/15/5881947/myers-briggs-personality-test-meaningless). And here was my response: I don't agree with this article. For one, the MBTI isn't a test. It's an indicator. The results are meant to indicate a person's tendencies for how he/she gains energy, subconsciously takes in information, consciously makes decisions with that information, and organizes the information for the world to see. The theory is that we are each born with preferences--like right or left handedness--and that when we understand our preferences then we can better understand ourselves and how we interact with the world. It is not supposed to give definitive information to be used to put people in rigid categories or to say what jobs people would be best at. Anyone of any type can do any job. Personality type is not the full definitive mark of a person. But understanding type--how we interact with the world and receive and process information--is VERY helpful in understanding ourselves, our reactions, and how we can be our best. And just because we are a certain type doesn't mean that we don't use the other functions. In fact, the theory states that, over time, we develop and strengthen our non-preference tendencies to become more well-rounded people. If someone wants to use the MBTI for purposes other than it was intended, then maybe it is not fully accurate in the scientific community, but maybe the MBTI is less about scientific certainty than it is about helping persons understand themselves and how they can best function at work and in relationships. Then again, I am an NF--I see possibilities and how things relate to people--not pure raw data and absolute black and whites.