Voiceless Coughing

 

It only took one Friday night cough for me to know that

I wasn’t going to have full voice on Sunday morning.

One cough told me that a cold was coming to sit in my chest and take my voice away.

One cough dashed weeks of hopeful planning for singing a powerful duet.

One cough set into motion numerous measures to keep my voice from leaving,

But to not avail.

I woke up yesterday morning unable to sing.

Truth be told,

I could barely talk.

 

To say that I was aggravated is an understatement.

I had been at home all week,

Not around known germs,

Resting,

And I still got sick.

Again.

 

And I got sick on a weekend I was scheduled to preach and sing.

The entire sermon was inspired by a song,

Yet suddenly my voice was stripped away and I was left singingly mute.

I muddled my way through the sermon with fear and trepidation.

The last time I preached, I was afraid of a nosebleed.

This time, I was afraid of a cough.

Last time, the nosebleed waited.

This time, the cough did not.

I coughed quite a few times,

My nose ran,

Tears rolled down my face from watery eyes,

And I was left standing there trying to deliver the message that was burning in my heart

But that I couldn’t get out of my mouth with voice inflection or style

Because I was on the verge of coughing with every word.

 

Thankfully, my friend Jes stepped in and sang a beautiful solo.

As she sang:

“You can pour your soul out singing,

A song you believe in,

That tomorrow they’ll forget you ever sang,

Sing it anyway,”

I fought back tears,

Thinking,
“You can pour your heart out speaking

A sermon you believe in,

But the message will get lost in

Every cough,

Preach it anyway.”

 

Preach it anyway, with whatever voice you have.

Sing it anyway, even if the singing is in your head.

Show up anyway, fully aggravated or completely pleasant.

Love anyway, because you must.

Even when it seems your best is not good enough.

God still is…

Anyway.

 

Amen.

 

---

 

An excerpt from my sermon:

 

But, Deanna, we aren’t Jesus. 

And it’s hard to love

When someone speaks ill of us or someone we love,

When someone mocks all that we hold dear, 

When someone gives us the cold shoulder and refuses to work alongside us, 

When someone is flat out mean and seeks to destroy forward progress,

It’s hard to remember that they, too, are God’s child.

 

Yes. 

 

It is. 

 

But God created all humankind in God’s own image and 

Called humankind, 

At its core,

Good. 

 

And so Jesus challenges:

 

Love your enemies (because they are human.) 

do good to those who hate you (because they are human).

bless those who curse you (because they are human). 

pray for those who mistreat you (because they are human). 

 

You don’t have to like them. 

You don’t have to accept their bad behavior. 

You don’t have to remain silent in the face of injustice  

And you don’t have to endure abuse.

 

But Jesus challenges you to love.

To wish upon all people God’s higher good—

However that wish manifests itself in your life.

 

(pause)

 

Love them anyway. 

Voice

 

Isn’t it strange how our minds remember seemingly random things?

 

I vividly remember standing in the school gym last October, 

DJing the Fall Festival, 

Starting to feel a sore throat coming on. 

That sore throat turned into my typical cold, 

Settling in on my vocal cords, 

Leaving me without full voice for a month. 

I remember how frustrated I was not being able to talk and sing for so long, 

And I remember wondering if my voice would ever return.  

 

It did.

And it stayed with me until after my program on Friday night. 

 

I felt this year’s cold coming on last Wednesday, 

Tried to ignore it, 

Pushed through on Thursday and Friday, 

Opened my mouth to speak on Saturday morning, 

And bam! Nothing came out. 

I am voiceless again. 

 

Being voiceless is hard. 

Not only does my job depend on my voice, 

But I also like to talk. 

Being voiceless makes me think twice about what I really want to say,

Which can be good,

But it also makes me feel a bit powerless,

Which is not so good. 

 

As we all know,

This week is election week. 

To be honest, 

Election week leaves me feeling a bit powerless as well.

It’s all so big. 

And I’m so small. 

Yet I at least have the opportunity to vote and

Use what little voice I have, 

Literally and figuratively, 

To speak the truth of who I believe can best guide our local, state, and national governments. 

 

May we be a people who appreciate our voices, 

Who celebrate the fact that we have them, 

And who use them wisely to build community through love, hope, and encouragement. 

May we be a people who engage not in culture wars but in culture care, 

Especially this week and in the weeks to come. 

 

Amen.