Splat! Bam! Boom!

 

Yesterday, I wrote a poem. 

I recorded a moment in time when I was perfectly at peace. 

I posted the poem. 

And then, 

Almost immediately, 

My litany of negative thoughts bombarded me. 

All my fears. 

All my anxieties about death and dying. 

All my worries. 

Splat. Bam. Boom! Right in my face. 

 

“Do you trust yourself to handle what happens when it happens?” I heard Joe the Counselor ask. 

“Yes,” I responded. 

“Your time will come,” I thought, “when everything will feel like it’s spinning out of control.”

“But that time is not now. 

That time is not this moment. 

You cannot worry away what will be. 

Breathe. 

Feel the ocean breeze. 

You are right here, 

Right now, 

And I am with you. 

And I will be with you then, too.”

 

Somewhere along the way,

God showed up. 

And we came back to center again. 

 

Sometimes I feel like Peter.

One moment I live with total presence and faith. 

The next moment I let worry and what-if’s run away with me. 

 

But. 

God is with me through it all, 

Loving me come what may. 

And I am with God through it all, 

Loving God come what may. 

And love is steady through it all, 

Being love come what may. 

And I am thankful to understand this little, huge fact,

As I, little as I am in this huge world, 

Am on this eternal journey of faith. 

 

Amen.