Remembering and Letting Go

 

I handed over around 30 T-shirts yesterday.

T-shirts that were well-worn and well-loved.

T-shirts that were faded and T-shirts with holes.

T-shirts that I bought and T-shirts that were given to me.

T-shirts that remember times that are over but will always be part of me,

Good or bad.

 

I’m one of those people who attach meaning to objects,

So when trying to decide whether to keep or throw something away,

I have to decide about the memory as well.

And that’s hard. 

Because I don’t want to forget.

Yet I can’t keep holding on to so much stuff.

Holding on is not a good steward of physical space or, 

I’m learning,

Mental space.

Barb the Great often says that things are living rent free at her head.

 

We are the sum of our parts, 

The combination of all of the days, experiences, and people of our past. 

Part of me wants to remember all of those parts, 

Yet part of me wants to free up some head and heart space for all that is to come.

Part of me knows that most things are just for a season,

Yet part of me has trouble moving through those seasons.

 

And so going through my wardrobe and moving out things as simple as T-shirts is a spiritual act for me.

It’s a wrestling act.

It’s Jacob wrestling with the angel. 

It’s a fight. 

It’s back-and-forth.

It’s not easy.

But in the end, Jacob is blessed.

And in the end, when I have more space in my closet and mind for things that are relevant in my life right now, I am blessed too. 

 

I wish I could say I moved the T-shirts out completely.

But I did not.

There are a handful that are going to Goodwill,

But most of them went to Heidi the Librarian who is going to make a T-shirt quilt for me. 

I have six T-shirt quilts.

I helped make two or three of them.

Memories come flooding back whenever I get them out and look at them.

But that’s only when I want to, and it’s not on a regular basis,

And, then, it is the remembering that is the spiritual act.

 

Oh God, 

Help us as we walk the fine line of remembering and letting go, 

Especially when it comes attached to stuff. 

Help us to be good stewards of our space, time, and resources, 

And help us to make difficult decisions. 

Some things are with us forever, 

Regardless of physical reminders. 

Help us to honor those parts of ourselves while letting go of whatever binds. 

Provide for us all that we need and help us to discern what is the rest, 

To share that rest with community, 

And then truly to rest in you. 

Amen.