Living A Dream

It hit me about three hours ago: I am living my dream. Read these words that I wrote in Spring 2009:

I think that the worst part of being a music minister is having to be at the same church every Sunday and feeling guilty for being away for a conference or retreat. Despite the fact that I have stopped running from church ministry and realized that I am gifted and equipped to do music ministry, my main passion is still retreat and worship ministry and I still want to work for the WMU. Those two desires will not leave my heart, and even though I have no idea how the desires are going to be fulfilled, I hold to the hope that they will. Quite honestly, I hold to the hope that an administrative assistant’s job will open at the WMU and that my weekends will be free to travel across the state and beyond both representing WMU and leading spiritual formation retreats and worship events. Maybe that is why administrative work is so appealing to me right now—it is a weekday job that involves closure and will allow me the freedom to go and do my heart’s deepest desire.

When I resigned from teaching, I was petrified about not knowing the future. After seeing how God has provided for me and honored my leap of faith, I am no longer frightened by the uncertainty of tomorrow. My interests are vast. My experience is varied. I have many possibilities within full-time vocational ministry, and I have the possibility of returning to the mission field of the public schools. I am currently just waiting for my intuition to sense where God is leading me next. My mom, who was integral in pointing me in the direction of elementary music, recently pointed out that WMU exists in states beyond North Carolina. Maybe I will leave the state after I graduate. Or maybe I will, again, stay right where I am and continue to build upon the growing ministry at Antioch.

Whatever I do, though, I now know that the most important thing is that I be who God has created me to be. I am a teacher. An encourager. A daughter, sister, aunt, granddaughter, niece, and friend. I am a dreamer. A learner. A questioner. A peacemaker. I am someone who sees the world in colors. I am someone who loves passionately and feels deeply. I am a Christ-seeker and a Christ-follower. I am a believer in the Triune God. I uphold the sanctity of all created life, and I believe in equal rights for all. I am a certified Myers Briggs Administrator, and I want to help others understand who they are so that they can live into the fullness of who God created them to be. I am a sinner. I am a saint. I am a theologian on a journey of faith. I am part of God’s bigger story, and I was created uniquely and wonderfully. I am the union of my mother and father. And I am okay. Just as I am.

Since working at Camp Mundo Vista in 1996, I have wanted to worked for WMU. Tonight, I find myself in Phoenix, Arizona, having just experienced an amazing missions celebration with WMU women (and men) from across the country. I have shared meals and personal conversation with important staff members and missionaries from the IMB and NAMB. I have laughed with and hugged national staff members and presidents and been welcomed as a colleague. I, Deanna Deaton—with all my quarks and flaws and insecurities and questions—am part of a network of women (and men) who desire to love God into this world, to meet God where God is, and to change this world—one person at a time.

I get so frustrated with church and denominational politics sometimes. I am often flabbergasted with language that pits “us” against “them” and I hang my head in shame over how Christians are portrayed. But it’s nights like tonight—after real, hard conversations—after long, draining hours—after beautiful, inspiring music—when I remember that I’m part of a bigger story and that I am standing on the shoulders of countless women who have given countless hours to influence countless people with the promise of Life.

It’s nights like tonight when I am reminded why I have chosen life—why I persevere through closed minds and judgmental attitudes and slammed doors and uncertain futures and broken hearts and exhausted eyes. I have chosen life because God gave us life and God called us good and Jesus came to transform darkness so that we could live in light and love and all things good.

I must admit that I’m sitting at the desk in my hotel room in Phoenix weeping. I am so humbled to be part of this story—of God’s story—and to have the opportunity to work with women every day who have devoted their lives to telling God’s story.

Obviously, I didn’t get that assistant’s job with WMU NC, nor did I stay at Antioch. Rather, I moved to South Carolina to become a WMU consultant—to dive into the work of WMU head first—and sometimes I still come up gasping for air! Yet. I’m living my dream. And for that I am grateful. And from here I mustn’t stop dreaming…

Nor should you.

What’s your dream? Have you seen it come true?