The Helpless Wonder Woman

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I feel helpless. Though not a mother, I care very deeply for those around me and have a very motherly instinct. My friends joke with me about having a spirit that woos, guides, and nurtures everyone and everything in my life—including my bowling ball!

For a long time, I didn’t have a clear understanding of boundaries. I didn’t always know where I ended and another person began, and for that blurred understanding I spent many long nights in many ditches (figuratively speaking) rather than standing overhead and helping pull out the one who was stuck. After a few years of counseling, I gained a proper understanding of boundaries and began to accept the fact that I could not single-handedly save everyone in the world from suffering. Until that point, I didn’t think that goal was unrealistic. After all, I did once have Wonder Woman Underoos!

Though I’ve named that I am a rescuer and accepted the fact that I can’t save everyone in the world from suffering, I still try to rescue as many people as I possibly can. As a dear friend recently told me, not only do I tend to perform CPR but I also have a habit of throwing people on my back and carrying them around for the rest of eternity, afraid that if I don’t bring them along then something will happen and I won’t be there to save them again. After awhile, this gets tiring…and sometimes I just want to sit down and rest.

I’ve had a pretty bad day today. Work has been hard, my throat has been sore, focus has been scattered, and negative words have been playing in my head for a majority of the day. More so than any of that, though, a feeling of helplessness has plagued me as I’ve realized that a close friend is walking down a dangerous path that no warning of mine is going to stop. And I have done my best to non-judgmentally warn her—to woo and guide in a safe direction.

I realize that her journey is not mine to walk, but it’s hard to sit back and watch her choose a path that
will end in nothing but hurt.

What about you? Do you struggle with this, too? Do you find it hard not to ooze warnings and advice when you sense peril ahead? Do you find it difficult to speak your truth and then to remain steady when all falls apart? Do you have to bite your tongue not to say, “I told you so?” Do you find it hard to stay on high ground instead of crawling into the ditch?

Share your story. Sometimes it helps to know we’re not alone.

The Confused Traveller
Summer 2000…updated 6/21/11

Standing at the end of the road,
I look back and see you at the beginning.
“Please don’t follow me!” I scream.
“Please don’t walk down this road!”

The ridicule. The mocking.
The heartache, alienation, and pain.
They are all mine already—
They shouldn’t belong to you.

So please don’t follow me,
Please don’t walk down this road.

If you want to be ridiculed—
If you want to be mocked—
If you want your heart to break—
If you want to feel alienated—
If you want to embrace pain—
Follow Light,
Follow Love,
Follow Self-sacrifice for what is right,
Follow Jesus:
Walk down his agonizing road.

But please:
Don’t follow me.

Stumbling in darkness,
Running in fear,
Hiding in shame,
Loving in secret…

Feels right now,
Makes sense now,
Is justified now:

But then—what about then?

The newness worn off,
The excitement faded away,
The perfection suddenly imperfect…

Please don’t follow me,
Please don’t walk down this road.
If only I could shield your path,
Divert your attention,
Stop your feet from walking
Through the holes,
The pits of hell,
That you can’t see
But you know are there…

Please don’t follow me,
Please don’t walk down this road.

I stand here and plead;
I sit and cry from my soul:

Please don’t follow me,
Please don’t walk down this road.

Please don’t follow me,
Please don’t walk down this road.

--dd