"It's a new day, a new day, a day that's been given to me. Everyone gets one, you see..."
It's that time of year again: the start of a new school year for teachers and students alike. Though I don't find myself thrown back into the hustle and bustle of public school halls, I still think of my teacher friends and former students during this time of year. These are my thoughts today:
The beginning of each school year is like the beginning of a new day.
It is influenced by previous years and activities, but it comes with new chances and opportunities.
It holds possibilities that weren't available before this moment in history and it promises to teach you new things if you keep your mind and heart open to what can be learned.
So to anyone reading who is starting a new year:
May this year grow you in wisdom, strength, and knowledge, and may you find your faith more firmly rooted in the awesome love of God when the year is over and you are able to look back and remember.
Friends, joy, and peace be yours.
Amen.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Let Me Be Myself
I organized my mix CD's the othe day (yes, I still use the CD player in my car). I found a mix CD treasure in the process. It's one that I accidently stole from a dear friend who had been given the CD by another friend who had thoughtfully and deliberately included songs about struggling through and triumphing over life's difficult journey.
The first song on the CD gets me. When I heard first heard it, I heard it as a cry from those outside of me. When I heard it tonight, I heard it as my cry to the world.
Oh God. May I grant permission and give encouragement to those around me to be themselves--to live into the persons you have created and called them to be and to shine their own unique lights in this world. May I never again stifle someone's spirit or, even with good intentions, try to force her into who I think she should be. Forgive my shortcomings and heal what's been broken in the past, and help me to be believe in, love, and support others like I pray they will believe in and support me. And God? Help me to be me.
---------
I guess I just got lost being someone else
I tried to kill the pain, nothing ever helped
I left myself behind somewhere along the way
Hoping to come back around to find myself someday
Lately I'm so tired of waiting for you
To say that it's okay
But tell me please, would you one time just let me be myself?
So I can shine with my own light,let me be myself
Would you let me be myself?
I'll never find my heart behind someone else
I'll never see the light of day living in this cell
It's time to make my way into the world I knew
And then take back all of these times that I gave into you
But lately I'm so tired of waiting for you
To say that it's okay
Tell me please, would you one time let me be myself?
So I can shine with my own light, let me be myself
For a while, if you don't mind, let me be myself
So I can shine with my own light, let me be myself!
That's all I've ever wanted from this worldIs to let me be me
Please would you one time let me be myself?
So I can shine with my own light, let me be myself
Please would you one time, let me be myself
So I can shine with my own light, let me be myself
For a while, if you don't mind, let me be myself
So I can shine with my own light, let me be myself!
Would you one time, ooh, let me be myself and let me be me?
--3 Doors Down
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f6pvm9Dcjzo
The first song on the CD gets me. When I heard first heard it, I heard it as a cry from those outside of me. When I heard it tonight, I heard it as my cry to the world.
Oh God. May I grant permission and give encouragement to those around me to be themselves--to live into the persons you have created and called them to be and to shine their own unique lights in this world. May I never again stifle someone's spirit or, even with good intentions, try to force her into who I think she should be. Forgive my shortcomings and heal what's been broken in the past, and help me to be believe in, love, and support others like I pray they will believe in and support me. And God? Help me to be me.
---------
I guess I just got lost being someone else
I tried to kill the pain, nothing ever helped
I left myself behind somewhere along the way
Hoping to come back around to find myself someday
Lately I'm so tired of waiting for you
To say that it's okay
But tell me please, would you one time just let me be myself?
So I can shine with my own light,let me be myself
Would you let me be myself?
I'll never find my heart behind someone else
I'll never see the light of day living in this cell
It's time to make my way into the world I knew
And then take back all of these times that I gave into you
But lately I'm so tired of waiting for you
To say that it's okay
Tell me please, would you one time let me be myself?
So I can shine with my own light, let me be myself
For a while, if you don't mind, let me be myself
So I can shine with my own light, let me be myself!
That's all I've ever wanted from this worldIs to let me be me
Please would you one time let me be myself?
So I can shine with my own light, let me be myself
Please would you one time, let me be myself
So I can shine with my own light, let me be myself
For a while, if you don't mind, let me be myself
So I can shine with my own light, let me be myself!
Would you one time, ooh, let me be myself and let me be me?
--3 Doors Down
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f6pvm9Dcjzo
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Images of God
A policeman out to enforce morality.
A genie in a bottle whose job is to grant wishes and requests.
A busy dad who is available for family time only on Sunday.
A grey-haired, bearded grandfather who sits in a chair and watches his grandchildren but doesn't actively participate in their lives.
An old man wearing a white robe—or black clothes to match the space in which he lives.
A magnificent, beautiful figure made of gold and rainbows who sits on a throne.
A green being to match the color of frogs and trees.
Radiant, blinding light or ethereal, ghostly, shadowy sensation.
If we take a few moments to think, then we will realize that we all have "images" of God that come to mind when we speak of God. For some, they are God the Father; for some, theyare God the Son; for others, they are God the Holy Spirit; for others, they fluctuate between all parts of Trinity God; for still others, they are images of nothingness—a void—because God seems not to be there.
My images of God have changed over the years and I imagine they will change again, but for the past few years, they have existed in my mind as:
A loving, compassionate Jesus—dark skin, bearded, in a robe like he would have worn when he walked the earth, a calm non-anxious presence with deep, deep love in his eyes...and very often smiling, laughing, or chuckling.
and
God, in a stationary chair in a cool, pitch black room, again a non-anxious presence, again with deep, deep love in God's eyes, patient, holding a match-box, waiting for a fumbling, searching 'me' to findwhere God IS (and always has been), light the match that I'm carrying, and fuel the light that has always existed and still always exists but so often gets engulfed by darkness.
In a friend's mind, God is the whole of unified existence.
In scripture, God says, "I AM."
Who do you see when you imagine God?
What's more: how does who you see reflect your understandingof the nature and character of an "unchanging" God?
A genie in a bottle whose job is to grant wishes and requests.
A busy dad who is available for family time only on Sunday.
A grey-haired, bearded grandfather who sits in a chair and watches his grandchildren but doesn't actively participate in their lives.
An old man wearing a white robe—or black clothes to match the space in which he lives.
A magnificent, beautiful figure made of gold and rainbows who sits on a throne.
A green being to match the color of frogs and trees.
Radiant, blinding light or ethereal, ghostly, shadowy sensation.
If we take a few moments to think, then we will realize that we all have "images" of God that come to mind when we speak of God. For some, they are God the Father; for some, theyare God the Son; for others, they are God the Holy Spirit; for others, they fluctuate between all parts of Trinity God; for still others, they are images of nothingness—a void—because God seems not to be there.
My images of God have changed over the years and I imagine they will change again, but for the past few years, they have existed in my mind as:
A loving, compassionate Jesus—dark skin, bearded, in a robe like he would have worn when he walked the earth, a calm non-anxious presence with deep, deep love in his eyes...and very often smiling, laughing, or chuckling.
and
God, in a stationary chair in a cool, pitch black room, again a non-anxious presence, again with deep, deep love in God's eyes, patient, holding a match-box, waiting for a fumbling, searching 'me' to findwhere God IS (and always has been), light the match that I'm carrying, and fuel the light that has always existed and still always exists but so often gets engulfed by darkness.
In a friend's mind, God is the whole of unified existence.
In scripture, God says, "I AM."
Who do you see when you imagine God?
What's more: how does who you see reflect your understandingof the nature and character of an "unchanging" God?
Thursday, August 5, 2010
The Lord's Prayer--In My Words
I've been leading music and worship for FBC Aberdeen's children's retreat for the past few days. This year's retreat theme is "The Lord's Prayer." As part of the retreat activities, the children were asked to write the Lord's prayer in their own language. I decided to do it, too. This is what I wrote:
Loving God of heaven and earth
We praise your holy name.
We pray for your love and peace to live through us on this earth,
Just as love and peace exist untainted in your eternity.
We pray that we will know the difference between wants and needs and that our needs will be met;
And we pray that your Spirit will guide us to know where and how to share our abundance.
Forgive us, God, when we mess up, and give us compassion to forgive ourselves and to accept your forgiveness;
Help us, too, to have the strength and courage to forgive those who have hurt us.
Keep our minds and hearts pure and help and protect us as we seek to live lives of unity and grace that honor you.
For you are God and we are not and all praise, glory, and worship belong to you,
Forever and ever and always,
Let it be so.
-----------
What about you? Have you ever written the Lord's prayer in your own language? If not, I challenge you to take the time to do it. And then I'd love for you to share...
Loving God of heaven and earth
We praise your holy name.
We pray for your love and peace to live through us on this earth,
Just as love and peace exist untainted in your eternity.
We pray that we will know the difference between wants and needs and that our needs will be met;
And we pray that your Spirit will guide us to know where and how to share our abundance.
Forgive us, God, when we mess up, and give us compassion to forgive ourselves and to accept your forgiveness;
Help us, too, to have the strength and courage to forgive those who have hurt us.
Keep our minds and hearts pure and help and protect us as we seek to live lives of unity and grace that honor you.
For you are God and we are not and all praise, glory, and worship belong to you,
Forever and ever and always,
Let it be so.
-----------
What about you? Have you ever written the Lord's prayer in your own language? If not, I challenge you to take the time to do it. And then I'd love for you to share...
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Oh My Stanley
My Stanley has taken on a life of his own.
When I visit places now, people ask, "Where's Stanley?" If I've left him at home, they're disappointed.
When I went to the beach with my family and one of my nephews acted as a typical boy and decided to take out his silly aggression on Stanley, I was very distressed. My sister said that I looked shocked and helpless before I found the words to ask him to stop hitting Stanley because Stanley didn't deserve to be punched in the face.
When I looked at Stanley today, with a cute little smile on his face, I imagined him telling me, "I believe in you, Mommy. You're okay. You can do everything you need to get done. One step at a time. But let's take a nap while we can." And so we napped.
But last night is the kicker.
Sunday Night as I was trying to fall asleep, I held on to my Stanley. As I lay there, I imagined him saying, "I can't breathe, Mommy. I can't breathe!" So I turned him over so that he could breathe.
Then I imagined him talking to his friends while I was away and telling them what a horrible mother I am--how I squish him and hold him too tight and sometimes cry myself to sleep and sometimes have irrational thoughts and don't act my age. And I didn't want him to do that. I didn't want him to say bad things about me to his friends.
As I was falling asleep, I realized how ridiculous my thoughts were. I knew that Stanley didn't talk to other animals. I knew that he didn't breathe and that I really wasn't suffocating him. I knew that I was projecting my thoughts about myself onto him and that it was really negative self-talk coming out of my mind...and yet...I fell asleep willing Stanley not to hate me and praying that I'd not be so stressed when I woke up today.
I'm not sure what I dreamed. And I'm not sure how it happened--other than rest--rest is a wonderful thing--being still--knowing that God is God. But I woke up at 2am and felt much better and was able to fall back asleep with no negative thoughts. Then, as already mentioned, Stanley was nice to me today. And I'm glad. Because I certainly don't want him saying bad things about me to his friends.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Confession: ENFJ
My name is Deanna.
I am an ENFJ.
Extraverted.
Intuitive.
Feeling.
Judging.
There are a lot of good things about my ENFJ-ness, just as there a lot of good things about any personality type. But there are also some weakenesses associated with it, too.
According to one of my favorite type books, Looking at Type and Spirituality, these are my common stumbling blocks:
--Becoming too emotionally involved in the success or failure of the spiritual endeavors I lead.
--Not having adequate patience.
--Assuming my way may be the most noble or altruistic.
--Talking the weight of the world on my shoulders.
My trap? Avoiding any expressions of negative feelings out of fear of disharmony.
On days when I'm stressed, my stumbling blocks and trap work together to create a not-so-fun day for me. On weeks when I'm stressed, the long string of not-so-fun days exhaust me and leave an ache in the pit of my stomach for fear of making decisions that are bad or wrong or that might hurt someone else.
That's where I am at this very moment...feeling beat up, trapped, and stressed, with an ache in my belly...all because of decisions that affect others, though part of my job they be.
But do not fret dear friends and mother!
My book suggests ways you can help!
--Encourage me to consider msyelf and my own needs and wants and to take care of myself.
--Gently confront me, especially when I insist on everyone getting along, with the truth that even the best of relationships can grow as a result of conflict.
--Give me permission and help me develop imaginative and creative ways for people's spiritual growth and development.
--Provide a personal and caring environment. When there is heavy judgment, criticism, or a sense of being devalued, I accomplish less.
Or...as boss did today, send me words of encouragement and affirm the fact that I'm trying:
"Tell the F in you that you are doing great!"
My name is Deanna.
I am an ENFJ.
Extraverted.
Intuitive.
Feeling.
Judging.
I am an ENFJ.
Extraverted.
Intuitive.
Feeling.
Judging.
There are a lot of good things about my ENFJ-ness, just as there a lot of good things about any personality type. But there are also some weakenesses associated with it, too.
According to one of my favorite type books, Looking at Type and Spirituality, these are my common stumbling blocks:
--Becoming too emotionally involved in the success or failure of the spiritual endeavors I lead.
--Not having adequate patience.
--Assuming my way may be the most noble or altruistic.
--Talking the weight of the world on my shoulders.
My trap? Avoiding any expressions of negative feelings out of fear of disharmony.
On days when I'm stressed, my stumbling blocks and trap work together to create a not-so-fun day for me. On weeks when I'm stressed, the long string of not-so-fun days exhaust me and leave an ache in the pit of my stomach for fear of making decisions that are bad or wrong or that might hurt someone else.
That's where I am at this very moment...feeling beat up, trapped, and stressed, with an ache in my belly...all because of decisions that affect others, though part of my job they be.
But do not fret dear friends and mother!
My book suggests ways you can help!
--Encourage me to consider msyelf and my own needs and wants and to take care of myself.
--Gently confront me, especially when I insist on everyone getting along, with the truth that even the best of relationships can grow as a result of conflict.
--Give me permission and help me develop imaginative and creative ways for people's spiritual growth and development.
--Provide a personal and caring environment. When there is heavy judgment, criticism, or a sense of being devalued, I accomplish less.
Or...as boss did today, send me words of encouragement and affirm the fact that I'm trying:
"Tell the F in you that you are doing great!"
My name is Deanna.
I am an ENFJ.
Extraverted.
Intuitive.
Feeling.
Judging.
Monday, July 26, 2010
God Is Bigger Than America
The thought has been brewing in my mind for the past couple of weeks and it was solidified today during chapel: God is bigger than America.
Not only that, but the power and message of Christ is bigger than anything we can comprehend.
Recently, I’ve realized just how limited is my scope of the gospel and just how narrow my understanding of the ways in which the Spirit works and reveals the love of God. I understand my culture and context, and I do everything I can to be the face of God’s love where I am…but where I am, in America—in southern America at that—is so small in relation to the world in which we live. All of my thoughts, strategies, and passions are filtered through the lens of Smalltown, consumer based, living in abundance, I want it now, white, privileged, USA.
I understood contextualized theology in divinity school. I got it. But now, I get it in a different way. And I can’t help but marvel at just how big God is.
Today’s speaker chapel was a minister from India. Long story short, his parents were ex-communicated from their Hindu village for becoming believers of the Shepherd Jesus. The white missionary who spoke of the white God of Jesus wasn’t welcome by the village leader, the minister’s grandfather, because he felt that his people didn’t need an outsider God added to their list of already numerous gods. The parents left and raised their son through hardships. Thirteen years later, just before he died, the grandfather called his family back and said, “Now I see that your God is the one true God. After all these years, when you should have died, you are still alive and you still profess faith in Jesus. Your Jesus is the God in whom I want to believe. All of my other gods are not real. Do you think your Jesus could ever forgive me?”
In writing this, I realize that this story may not sound profound. But somehow, for me, today, it speaks to something that has been stirring in me for awhile. I don’t know how to explain it. And I admit that this note is doing a poor job. But God is bigger than America. And the power and message of Christ are bigger than anything I can comprehend. And that’s the best I can do to share my thoughts and work through my struggles today...
Not only that, but the power and message of Christ is bigger than anything we can comprehend.
Recently, I’ve realized just how limited is my scope of the gospel and just how narrow my understanding of the ways in which the Spirit works and reveals the love of God. I understand my culture and context, and I do everything I can to be the face of God’s love where I am…but where I am, in America—in southern America at that—is so small in relation to the world in which we live. All of my thoughts, strategies, and passions are filtered through the lens of Smalltown, consumer based, living in abundance, I want it now, white, privileged, USA.
I understood contextualized theology in divinity school. I got it. But now, I get it in a different way. And I can’t help but marvel at just how big God is.
Today’s speaker chapel was a minister from India. Long story short, his parents were ex-communicated from their Hindu village for becoming believers of the Shepherd Jesus. The white missionary who spoke of the white God of Jesus wasn’t welcome by the village leader, the minister’s grandfather, because he felt that his people didn’t need an outsider God added to their list of already numerous gods. The parents left and raised their son through hardships. Thirteen years later, just before he died, the grandfather called his family back and said, “Now I see that your God is the one true God. After all these years, when you should have died, you are still alive and you still profess faith in Jesus. Your Jesus is the God in whom I want to believe. All of my other gods are not real. Do you think your Jesus could ever forgive me?”
In writing this, I realize that this story may not sound profound. But somehow, for me, today, it speaks to something that has been stirring in me for awhile. I don’t know how to explain it. And I admit that this note is doing a poor job. But God is bigger than America. And the power and message of Christ are bigger than anything I can comprehend. And that’s the best I can do to share my thoughts and work through my struggles today...
Thursday, July 22, 2010
A Birthday Reflection
One Christmas, my mom locked herself into her room for about three days. My brother, sister, and I had no idea what she was preparing, but we knew it must be something super special because it top secret.
When we opened our gifts that year, we each had a book entited: See How ____________(insert name) Has Grown. The books had pictures of us, in order, from every birthday and Christmas morning.
Flipping through the books, it was neat to see how we had grown. I couldn't help but chuckle at the clothes that I once wore, the hair that I once sported, that glasses that once covered my face, and the year that I switched from a birthday cake to a birthday cookie.
Today, as I think about my book and kick myself for the fact that I've gotten behind on its update, I realize, like I realized the day that I received it, just what a special treasure it is. Not only is it a reflection of the progression my life, but it is also a reflection of the fact that I am loved and cherished by a family who has been together and made memories--in some way--for birthdays and major holidays for our whole lives.
I suppose that birthdays are especially good times to reflect on how fortunate we are to have the people in our lives that we do. Then I again, I suppose it would be a good spiritual practice to do this every day, to thank God for allowing us to love and be loved, and to ask God to expand our hearts and circle of friends so that we can love and be loved by even more people!
Today, in honor of my birthday, tell someone you love that you love him/her and be thankful for the people who have been with you as you've grown--even when they get on your nerves :-)! Then after you've done that, say a special prayer that God will help you see the people around you who may need a friend.
Also, think about doing what my mom did--taking and compiling pictures of yourself on the same occassion from each year of your life so that you can see how you've grown. You'll probably cringe at some of the pictures, but, hey, it's okay. Bad hair, glasses, make up, acne, clothes, etc. are just part of life :-).
When we opened our gifts that year, we each had a book entited: See How ____________(insert name) Has Grown. The books had pictures of us, in order, from every birthday and Christmas morning.
Flipping through the books, it was neat to see how we had grown. I couldn't help but chuckle at the clothes that I once wore, the hair that I once sported, that glasses that once covered my face, and the year that I switched from a birthday cake to a birthday cookie.
Today, as I think about my book and kick myself for the fact that I've gotten behind on its update, I realize, like I realized the day that I received it, just what a special treasure it is. Not only is it a reflection of the progression my life, but it is also a reflection of the fact that I am loved and cherished by a family who has been together and made memories--in some way--for birthdays and major holidays for our whole lives.
I suppose that birthdays are especially good times to reflect on how fortunate we are to have the people in our lives that we do. Then I again, I suppose it would be a good spiritual practice to do this every day, to thank God for allowing us to love and be loved, and to ask God to expand our hearts and circle of friends so that we can love and be loved by even more people!
Today, in honor of my birthday, tell someone you love that you love him/her and be thankful for the people who have been with you as you've grown--even when they get on your nerves :-)! Then after you've done that, say a special prayer that God will help you see the people around you who may need a friend.
Also, think about doing what my mom did--taking and compiling pictures of yourself on the same occassion from each year of your life so that you can see how you've grown. You'll probably cringe at some of the pictures, but, hey, it's okay. Bad hair, glasses, make up, acne, clothes, etc. are just part of life :-).
My Birthday Prayer
Dear God (You ARE dear to me and you ARE God):
I love you.
Thank you for loving me (and I DO believe that you love me)
And for creating me in your image and giving me the capacity to live and love in community (as you ARE love and community).
Thank you for the people in my life who love me (as I have seen today, there are many)
For the people in my life whom I deeply love (past and present, there are many)
And for the people I have yet to meet or may never meet who will profoundly influence my life (no doubt, there are many).
As I continue to live and find purpose in life (even as I question it)
And as I continue to live into the fullness of who you created and called me to be (just as you did, Jesus),
I pray that you will help me bring others into your presence each day (the presence of love)
And that you will help me (in whatever way you provide help)
Hear those who speak (really hear, not just listen)
Cherish and support those around me (celebrate them for who they are and encourage them in the things that they do)
And serve with a spirit of humility that honors the dignity and worth of every form of life (just as I believe that you desire it).
Help me to love so deeply and fully that every breath I breathe gives
You (Creator of Love and Life; Redeemer and Prince of Peace; Sustainer and God With Us)
Joy and satisfaction in your creation (after all, you looked and said it was good) and
Others the pleasure of experiencing unconditional love (and it really is a humbling, unbelievable pleasure).
I love you…
I love you…
I love you.
And I thank you for loving me and giving me life over thirty-three years ago today.
Amen.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Gorilla
I went to the zoo with my niece and nephew today. We got to see a lot of neat animals, and I even got to see two things for the very first time: the koala bears awake and the grizzly bears swimming!
As is typical with brothers and sisters, my niece and nephew had a few points of disagreement during the day--the biggest of which was over the stroller. My niece did NOT like that my nephew wanted to ride in HER stroller :-).
My niece also didn't like when my nephew got too close to the gorilla. Both of the gorillas were hanging out in the shade by the observation window--one of them sprawled out with his arm on to top of his eyes--the other sitting up with his back against the window.
As my nephew was trying to measure how tall the gorilla was in comparison to him, my niece started screaming. "No G, no! No!!!!!"
I thought she was upset because he got the best window spot. Their mom figured out that she was upset because she thought the gorilla was going to get her brother. In her 2 1/2 year old mind, the separation glass was not enough to keep him safe.
My niece screamed until G walked to where she was standing and she knew he was safe. As soon as he stood beside her, she was okay.
When you see a friend or family member "in danger" do you "scream" until they reach "safety?"
We cannot control other people's choices, but we can passionately communicate when we sense that something is wrong.
Can you think of a time when you've voiced your concern for someone you love? What happened when you did?
As is typical with brothers and sisters, my niece and nephew had a few points of disagreement during the day--the biggest of which was over the stroller. My niece did NOT like that my nephew wanted to ride in HER stroller :-).
My niece also didn't like when my nephew got too close to the gorilla. Both of the gorillas were hanging out in the shade by the observation window--one of them sprawled out with his arm on to top of his eyes--the other sitting up with his back against the window.
As my nephew was trying to measure how tall the gorilla was in comparison to him, my niece started screaming. "No G, no! No!!!!!"
I thought she was upset because he got the best window spot. Their mom figured out that she was upset because she thought the gorilla was going to get her brother. In her 2 1/2 year old mind, the separation glass was not enough to keep him safe.
My niece screamed until G walked to where she was standing and she knew he was safe. As soon as he stood beside her, she was okay.
When you see a friend or family member "in danger" do you "scream" until they reach "safety?"
We cannot control other people's choices, but we can passionately communicate when we sense that something is wrong.
Can you think of a time when you've voiced your concern for someone you love? What happened when you did?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)