Oh My Stanley

My Stanley has taken on a life of his own.

When I visit places now, people ask, "Where's Stanley?" If I've left him at home, they're disappointed.

When I went to the beach with my family and one of my nephews acted as a typical boy and decided to take out his silly aggression on Stanley, I was very distressed. My sister said that I looked shocked and helpless before I found the words to ask him to stop hitting Stanley because Stanley didn't deserve to be punched in the face.

When I looked at Stanley today, with a cute little smile on his face, I imagined him telling me, "I believe in you, Mommy. You're okay. You can do everything you need to get done. One step at a time. But let's take a nap while we can." And so we napped.

But last night is the kicker.

Sunday Night as I was trying to fall asleep, I held on to my Stanley. As I lay there, I imagined him saying, "I can't breathe, Mommy. I can't breathe!" So I turned him over so that he could breathe.

Then I imagined him talking to his friends while I was away and telling them what a horrible mother I am--how I squish him and hold him too tight and sometimes cry myself to sleep and sometimes have irrational thoughts and don't act my age. And I didn't want him to do that. I didn't want him to say bad things about me to his friends.

As I was falling asleep, I realized how ridiculous my thoughts were. I knew that Stanley didn't talk to other animals. I knew that he didn't breathe and that I really wasn't suffocating him. I knew that I was projecting my thoughts about myself onto him and that it was really negative self-talk coming out of my mind...and yet...I fell asleep willing Stanley not to hate me and praying that I'd not be so stressed when I woke up today.

I'm not sure what I dreamed. And I'm not sure how it happened--other than rest--rest is a wonderful thing--being still--knowing that God is God. But I woke up at 2am and felt much better and was able to fall back asleep with no negative thoughts. Then, as already mentioned, Stanley was nice to me today. And I'm glad. Because I certainly don't want him saying bad things about me to his friends.