Beloved

 

My dad bangs on the wall each morning to make sure I’m awake.

Sometimes I am. Sometimes I’m not.

Sometimes I immediately get up. Sometimes I forget.

Sometimes I make it downstairs while breakfast is still cooking. Sometimes I make it downstairs after it’s done.

Sometimes dad is sitting at the table doing his morning devotionals. Sometimes he’s moving about.

Sometimes we have a morning conversation. Most of the time we do not. Because I’m really very bad at mornings!

 

Last Wednesday, as I was sleepily trying to get myself together,

Dad said, “I want to read you something from my Nouwen book. It’s quite profound.”

And so he read:

 

“One of the greatest dangers in the spiritual life is self-rejection. When we say, ‘If people really knew me, they wouldn’t love me,’ we choose the road toward darkness. Often we are made to believe that self-deprecation is a virtue, called humility. But humility is in reality the opposite of self-deprecation. It is the grateful recognition that we are precious in God’s eyes and that all we are is pure gift. To grow beyond self-rejection, we must have the courage to listen to the voice calling us God’s beloved sons and daughters, and the determination always to live our lives according to this truth.” (Henri Nouwen, Bread for the Journey)

 

Then my dad added, “We are God’s beloved children.

I think I fail to accept that sometimes.

And I think that not accepting it has caused me to make a lot mistakes and feel a lot of heartache and depression over the course of my life.”

My dad is 81.

 

I didn’t say anything in the moment because I was running late.

I was also moved with emotion.

Because I completely understood.

 

Later, though, I sent my dad a text:

 

“The sermon last Sunday was on being God’s beloved children. It’s very, very different theology than Southern Baptist theology, and it’s taken me years and years of therapy and hard work to reprogram my brain to accept that I am God’s beloved child over I am a sinner. We may be sinners, but if we believe that we ARE sin at our core, then we believe that we are bad. But if we believe that we are God’s beloved, then we believe that we are loved, regardless of sin. I’m glad that Nouwen made you think.”

 

Friends: However old you are, 18, 46, 64, 81, and anywhere in between, know this:

In the beginning, God created humankind and called humankind good.

You are good. Even though you sometimes do bad things.

You are beloved. Even though your nature holds capacity for sin.

Christ’s forgiveness is but a heart’s cry away.

The Spirit’s grace is never-ending.

God’s love extends to all.

And that all includes all of who you are.

 

Oh God: Grant us the courage to listen to the voice calling us your beloved sons and daughters, and help us find the determination to live our lives according to this truth. Amen.