Read the following excerpt from a conversation between a 22-year-old college student and her former youth minister. I find it eye-opening...although I'm not going to comment other than to set up the conversation.
The college student is a preacher's kid, but she hasn't spoken to her dad in well over a year. He was an emotionally and physically abusive father who had an affair and left his family for the new woman. This conversation picks up after she told her youth minister a bit about the abuse...
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That’s a lot to carry around…Knowing that dad at home and then seeing him a preacher.
"Hence my multitude of issues with church."
Yes. Understood. What are your other church issues?
"That’s mainly it…hypocrisy in general…how can I believe something someone like him taught me? How can he get his life back as a pastor after everything he’s done…I just can’t trust or believe in something that depends on faith and not being able to see the good it does when all I can see or think about is how he could call himself a Christian and church leader…I get really cynical when I do go to church to see friends and tend to roll my eyes when people say they’re praying for me or how blessed this or that is…"
That makes sense.
"I think so but I’m sure my mom wouldn’t…or she would at least follow up with some good old lecturing :-). My favorite!"
I guess you have a really hard time seeing God as Father, huh?
"I have a hard time seeing God at all…but, yeah, especially as “Father.”"
Really? So it’s not the church you struggle with, but God, too? The whole concept of faith?
"Yeah. Pretty much."
You doubt God’s existence? God’s goodness? Or what?
"I don’t know…Depends on the day…Mostly I just don’t think about it, but if I do it’s either that I reject the whole concept, I’m pissed and want nothing to do with it, or I feel like that’s just not me—like it’s not the type of person I am."
But you still want to do good in the world?
"Yeah…I like helping people out and advocating for things I’m passionate about..but I don’t go around like I’m on a mission from God or whatever."
You think anything outside of a different relationship with your dad could have changed the outcome of your faith? Anything anyone could have said or done to help you still believe?
"I don’t know…I think I was content pretending to be a Christian for so long because I was the pk but when it all boiled down to it, there was never anything real or substantial backing up that claim…It’s all just a what-if thing…What if my dad was a good guy, would I still be pretending? Would I have actually turned out to truly believe and trust God? Would I want to date/marry/be a parent? I’ve come up with a billion scenarios in the past 6 years or so but I try to stop speculating because there’s nothing I can do to change things and continuing to focus on it is just too hard."
Where does dating and marrying and having kids come into this? And. Do you considering not a Christian anymore?
"Just issues with me and my dad has made me question a lot of areas in my life…I don’t like saying it but in all honesty, I’m not a Christian…I feel like to say that I were a Christian would put me in the hypocrite category with him and I don’t want to be that person."
That makes sense. What do you not believe? Any of it? Or. It may be easier to answer what you DO believe.
"Honestly I really don’t know…I guess I fall into agnosticism now…I don’t know if I can believe parts of Christianity without buying into the whole idea…It’s definitely one of the back burner issues…It’s hard for me to say that I don’t believe in God because it’s what I was taught from birth, but at the same time considering the source, it’s hard to believe anything he’s ever taught me, which leaves me more confused…"
Thanks for being honest with me and letting me know where you are in life.
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Thoughts? Feelings? Responses?
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