Everyone Is Fighting A Great Battle

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle." Philo of Alexandria

As I got out of my car to walk into work this morning, I overheard part of a conversation between two of the men who work in the building. As one of the guys was getting his stuff ready for the day, the other one approached him and asked how his wife was doing. The first man responded with something about his wife's treatment...and I was suddenly reminded that his wife had been diagnosed with cancer and that his world had been greatly shaken. Yet...he continues to come to work each day and function with the focus and energy to get his job done.

Thinking about this contradiction--inwardly falling apart and being filled with fears and doubts while outwardly holding things together and projecting strength and certainty--caused me to remember Philo of Alexandria's quote, "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle."

Though I know it's true in my own life--that I often project a different emotional reality than the one I'm really feeling underneath my outward appearance--I sometimes forget that it's true in other people's lives as well. Despite what people project, we are all fighting a great battle...whether that battle be sickness, depression, addiction, envy, rage, anger, hurt, abuse, grief, finances, wayward children, strained marriages, struggles with self-image, struggles with self-worth, questions of faith, questions of call, questions of life's meaning, or any combination of these things and more...

We are all fighting a great battle...even those we have trouble loving...and I need to remember that today.

I need to remember that, in our battles, we each need to be reminded of our dignity and worth and that God's love is steady through everything that we face. I need to remember that, as such, my encouragement and representation of God's love should be steady as well and that I should not become so self-focused that I forget to notice the lives around me and play my part in showing this world kindess.

I hope you will remember those things, too...and that together we can impact the people of this world who are at battle with themselves...one person at a time.

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Here there is no Greek or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all. Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Colossians 3:11-17

The Deer's Cry

I arise today

Through the strength of heaven:

Light of sun,

Radiance of moon,

Splendour of fire,

Speed of lightning,

Swiftness of wind,

Depth of sea,

Stability of earth,

Firmness of rock.

I arise to-day

Through God's strength to pilot me:

God's eyes to look before me,

God's wisdom to guide me,

God's way to lie before me,

God's shield to protect me,

From all who shall wish me ill,

Afar and anear,

Alone and in a multitude.

Against every cruel merciless power that may oppose my body and soul

Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me,

Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me,

Christ on my right, Christ on my left,

Christ when I lie down,

Christ when I sit down,

Christ when I arise,
Christ to shield me,

Christ in the heart of every one who thinks of me,

Christ in the mouth of every one who speaks of me.


I arise to-day

--Celtic Woman

Confession: I Struggle To Love

Since yesterday was Memorial Day, I've felt the need to write something to mark the day and honor the men and women for whom the day is remembered. I spent yesterday in a somewhat somber mood, watching Memorial Day videos and shedding tears over the military lives lost and for families who grieve the losses. Throughout the day today, I've thought about how being remembered is something that most people desire in their lives and that being forgotten is something that most people fear. I've faced that fact head on as I've mourned the reality that I've moved from home, that I'm not going back to the camp that I love, that my life and work seem so easily replaced, that even those of us with the best intentions sometimes forget and are forgotten...

Yet moreso than those thoughts--as heavy and demanding as they've been--the one thought that keeps settling on my mind is how much I struggle to love.

Now, those of you who know me well know that I love deeply, sometimes to a fault. I try to be kind and compassionate and I have learned to live in grace. I even sometimes pride myself on my ability to welcome people and let them know that they are loved (I know, I know, pride is a bad thing)...yet...today...I must confess that I struggle to love...

those who have deeply hurt me,
those who reject the opportunity to work through their own junk,
those who refuse to have open dialogue about deep issues of life and faith,
those who think they know it all,
those who stand in harsh judgment of people they do not understand,
those who think they are better than anyone different from themselves, and
those who perpetuate hate in the name of a loving God.

Ever since a harsh sermon on Sunday morning, I have been painfully reminded just how much I struggle to love some of my brothers and sisters in Christ and some of the rest of humanity who were, indeed, created in God's image. As part of my struggle, I want both to confess my shortcomings and ask for my friends' forgiveness and to post an updated version of a prayer that I wrote on Sunday afternoon.

May this prayer and confession resonate with those of you who struggle to love, too...and may we together fall into a rhythm that allows us to love without bitterness, resentment, jealousy, or regret...

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God,

Forgive me when I judge others and do not love with your all-consuming love.

But forgive others, too, when they do the same and perpetuate a theology of judgmental, arrogant division that I find repulsive.

I dare think that you find self-absorbed conceit repulsive, too, God.

But if I'm wrong, then I ask you, again, to please forgive me for being the exact thing that I despise.

Show me your way of unconditional, creative, life-welcoming, and life-giving love...both in action and attitude.

Always.

Amen.

Forgive me if I judge others...

God,

Forgive me if I judge others. But forgive them, too, for judging me and perpetuating a theology of judgmental, arrogant division that I find repulsive.

I dare think that you find it repulsive, too, God, but if I'm wrong, again forgive me for being the exact thing that I despise.

Show me your way of unconditional, creative, life-welcoming, and life-giving love.

Always.

Amen.

Doubt Not My Love For You

I pray that out of his glorious riches God may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. Ephesians 3:16-21

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Dearest Child:

Doubt not my love for you.
Rain or snow, hail or sleet,
Intense darkness or blinding light,
I am here: I am home.
Eat with me and drink from my cup.
Together, love, let us be.

I love you,
God

--dd, updated 5/27/10

Deep Cleaning

I wasn't really sure what to expect when I was asked to help clean out the back storage room yesterday. While I'm finally starting to settle in and learn the ins and outs of the job, I'm still not familiar with all of the themes and events that came before me; therefore, I don't know what's important to keep and what can be thrown away. As such, when I saw the paper cabinet, I immediately said, "I can do the paper." After all, there's not much history involved with paper sorting.

A couple of hours later, surrounded by piles of paper, I was convinced that my co-worker, Donna, had somehow set me up so that she wouldn't have to sort the paper cabinet :-).

Thoroughly and rightfully confused by my accusation, Donna assured me that she hadn't set me up--that she wouldn't have spent nearly as much time or done quite as thorough of a job as me had she taken paper duty. Surprised, I asked what she would have done. She said, "I would have just straightened it up and made it look nice. I wouldn't have sorted it by color or type of any of the stuff you've done. But it looks really nice! You have been a very thorough "J" today (on the Myers Briggs)." :-)

When I sent my boss a picture of the workroom when we had finished, I made the comment, "It looks a lot better than when we started. Some of it is deep cleaned--like the paper cabinet--but some of it is just surface cleaned." I wrote the statement in passing, but it's echoed in my mind ever since.

Yesterday, I deep cleaned the paper cabinet; I surface cleaned the Acteens/Growth storage shelves. Donna, and our assistant Mel, deep cleaned the back workroom and parts of the storage room; she surface cleaned her Women on Mission/Baptist Nursing Fellowship storage shelf. We made sure that everything LOOKED nice, but if you look on my Acteens shelf right now, you'll find some things that I don't need anymore--that could be recycled or thrown away--but that will just sit there, looking nice, until I find the time, energy, and focus to truly clean them out.

Notice those last three words: time, energy, and focus. Deep cleaning, I think, involves all three of those things. It takes time to drag things out, examine what's there, sort it appropriately, figure out what to do with it all, and then put it where it belongs. It takes energy to do the physical moving and to decide what has served its purpose and needs to be purged vs. what needs to stay around for longer. And, depending on what's being cleaned, emotions tend to show up and complicate things with memories and a deep sense of connection to the larger world. When I'm cleaning things out, I always feel horrible about the amount of trash that I'm creating and how trash is littering the world and damaging God's creation! And so it takes focus to remember the point of cleaning anyway--and not to become overwhelmed at the enormity of the task--especially when the process takes much longer than originally anticipated (like happened with me yesterday) or when it seems impossible to begin (like is happening to me now when I think about deep cleaning my office).

Surface cleaning is good and necessary. It keeps things livable and managable on a daily basis. Though our shelves are not deep cleaned, they are organized enough to keep things from falling off and to have enough space to keep things off of the floor--which makes walking possible. Yesterday, we ran out of time for a deep clean. Eventually, though, we are going to have to make the time to deep clean our shelves so that we can add to them the things that make our jobs possible now, in the present, rather than allowing them to become museums of times past. Deep cleaning makes things livable and managable for the long-term.

I don't know about you, but I have some deep cleaning to do...and not just with my "stuff" but also with my heart, soul, and mind. Don't get me wrong: I haven't been sitting stagnant. I've been surface cleaning and paying attention to the places in my life that need deep cleaning. What I've got to do is find the time, energy, and focus to begin a new round of deep cleaning. I've got to believe that the end product will be more functional and satisfying than the current reality--like the paper closet was yesterday! And I've got to trust that the process will be life-giving as it frees me from clutter that binds me to the past and allows no room for the future.

I believe that God is a God of life and creation, of order and beauty, and that God wants us to live our lives in such a way that we are free from the things that hold us back.

You?

God, I Love You

God, I love you and…

I
An unrighteous, unholy, stumbling sinner saved only by
Your unending, unfailing, unfathomable grace

Love
Care for, worship, honor, praise, serve, and believe in
With all that I am and all that I’m not

You
Father, Son, Holy Spirit--
Creator, Redeemer, Sustainer--
Alpha and Omega, Beginning and End--
The One True Savior and Lord whose mercies never fail.

God, I love you and I thank you for loving me--
For hearing my prayers and honoring my heart even when my words are
Simple and few

God, I love you—I really do love you!

Amen.

dd, updated 5/25/10

Who We Are

I think that we each just want to be
loved for who we are. Period. Not the idea
of who we could be. Or the roles in
which we function. Or the services, gifts, and talents
that we offer. But who we are. Good, bad,
ugly. I think we each need to know that
we are honored and adored not by virtue of
performance and perfection but by the triumph of waking
up each day, breathing, and giving life a try.
I think that we each need places of unconditional
acceptance: places to call home. We each need to
know that, to someone, we are not second best--
to someone, we are the cream of the crop,
the top notch, the best thing since sliced bread.
Ideally, I think, we each receive that love from
our families. Ideally, our hunger for acceptance is satisfied
by the seeds that gave us birth or the
partnership that promised to honor and cherish. Ideally, we
find comfort and peace in the place we lay
our heads. No pretense. No intimidation. No fear. Just
rest. And satisfaction. And joy. But when those things
are not there. When we are uncertain of our
value. When we question and doubt the inherent beauty
of existence. When we feel used, or reduced to
function and performance, or we fear failure and disappointment.
When we're forced into a mold that was not
ours to live, paralyzed by discomfort, lost. When our
spirits are not nurtured and allowed the freedom to
soar--to explore the world and discover the depths
of creation, the places where we fit, the points
at which we flourish--we slowly begin to die:
our bodies exhausted, our hearts wounded, our minds numb,
our spirits suffocated and…then what? I suppose we
pick up the pieces and begin to live again.
I suppose we apologize for reducing people to ideas
and roles and function, for identifying individuals by what
they do rather than who they are--what they
like, how they love, when they dream--for not
celebrating unique personality but honoring the status-quo. I suppose
we vow never to let anyone feel as if
she is not loved for who she is. Period.
I suppose we fill the gaping hole called needy
beast with the unfathomable love of God, manifest both
in God's still small, unexplainable voice and the loud
voice of tangible community, and let that love transform
the very core of our being. I suppose we
allow ourselves to feel again, to experience and release
emotion, however raw and difficult, however many tears it
brings, and give it permission to bridge the gap
between knowledge and understanding. We are
all loved for who we are. We are all
created to be who we are. But I think
we each just need to be reminded of that
fact through words and deeds and actions and gifts
and time—that we each need to know that
we are loved for who we are. Period. Over
and over and over and over and over again.

dd, 3/3/07

Nothing At All

You are the unique frequency
that my heart alone hears.
You are the steady thoughts
that chaotically travel in spheres.
You are the magnetic force
that suspends me in time.
You are the buckets of tears
that wait to be turned to wine.

You are sanity and insanity,
love and hate.
You are home and wasteland,
movement and wait.
You are life and death,
order and chaos.
You are everything…
yet you are nothing at all.

dd, 5/20/10

On A Scale of One to Ten

The pain of missing you is a nine,
The longing a ten.
The wish to hate you is immeasurable,
Yet the unwavering, stubbornness of my love eclipses it all.

dd, 5/20/10