Here I Am Again

Most of us know the daily struggle to keep a good appearance in the front of the house. We try to keep that convenient hiding place where clutter can be thrown when guests approach, so that, to all appearances, they will find a neat house. What we don’t want them to see is the disorder in the closet.

We all have a hiding place in our personal lives, too—a place where we conceal what we don’t want others to see. We have ingenious ways of trying to forget what’s hiding—we keep very, very busy; we never take time to think; we seek continuous distractions and stay with the crowd.

But in times like these—when the world has come to a grinding halt—we find those distractions stripped away and there is no place left to hide. All of our junk begins to slap us in the face, and we are left with a decision: either continue to try to stuff it down or begin taking steps to deal with it little by little. For most of us, our issues require years of hard work to work through. But for all of us, dealing with our issues begins by taking the first step.

For me, that first step began with a prayer…

Here I am again
I come to you
I’m sorry for waiting so long

I’ve tried on my own
I’ve fought so hard
But it’s gotten me nowhere fast

I’m scared—I’m frightened of being alone
I’m tired of trying to find my way home
I’m broken in pieces—here’s my heart
I need you to heal me—I need a fresh start

Here I am again
I come to you
But I’m not even sure I know what to believe

I know you are God
That you love us
Yet sometimes it’s hard to see

In this world that thrives on foolish pride
In our churches full of the dignified
We’re the same as we were in years long past
What’s the purpose—can we affect change that lasts

Here I am again
I come to you
And this is all I know to say

Use your love to calm
This weary life
It’s the best that I can pray

I need you to fill this empty hole
That’s been growing inside of my soul
Oh I love you, I love you, I love you so
Yes I love you, I love you, I love you so

Oh God: Here we are. The world has stopped. And we, stripped of all distractions, now have the opportunity to move forward. Help us to take the steps we need to take to come closer to You who can fill the empty, oozing, and/or painful holes in our lives. We love you. Even when we don’t understand. Even when we are angry and hurting. Even when we cannot see or feel you at all. We love you. Amen.