Opposites Attract

On Monday, since my car battery died, I drove my aunt's car to the dentist. [I wrote more about my Monday in Monday’s Note.] As such, I didn't have my normal CD's or books to listen to so I turned on the Christian radio station. A woman was talking when the station came on but instead of turning it to find music I decided to listen. I was intrigued by what she was saying and wanted to hear more. I can't remember the woman's name, but I know she's an author and speaker who does work with Focus on the Family.

Monday’s speaker was talking about how she overcame severe panic attacks. The things she said were very much like what Jenny, my former counselor, would have said to me, so I absorbed them like a sponge. Here are the notes that I jotted down:

■Complaining, whining, and exaggerating are three ways to hold on to anger and to remain self-absorbed.
■We must not rescue people before they take steps to rescue themselves.
■Bad thoughts? Refuse them and replace them and repeat again and again.
■Read. Continue to grow. If your heart isn't teachable then you will stay stuck.
■We must learn to place a boundary on our emotions, a boundary on our words, and to reduce our word count (spoken and written).

I suppose that the concepts about which she spoke weren’t concepts that I hadn’t heard or thought about before, but the wording of her talk—especially her last point—struck me as profound. I didn’t realize that it had been happening, and I certainly didn’t have words such as “a boundary on our emotions and words” and “reduce our word count” to name it, but I realize now this is one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned in the past couple of years—that and the true importance of being present in and seeing life—in all of its joy and possibilities—in the moment.

You’ve probably heard the phrase “opposites attract.” While spending time with our opposites is often challenging because of the fundamental differences in seeing, feeling, and experiencing life, I think that spending time with those different than us is crucial to being well-rounded person. It’s as if opposites pull toward one another to complement the deficits in each persons’ life.

When I am my ridiculous self, my opposites listen and respond in very calm, non-emotional ways. Their responses teach me that sometimes speaking and being heard really is all that matters—that words of wisdom, encouragement, and advice don’t always have to come, even though they are needed sometimes. My opposites also teach me that I don’t have to share everything that’s on my mind because sometimes it’s really not that important—and I don’t say that in a self-deprecating way as in I’m not important but in a way of simple reality as in some things don’t have to be shared—especially not immediately—especially if I’m working out of hurt and frustration. Through my opposites, I learn to place boundaries on my emotions and words…and this learning, to me, is invaluable—just as the speaker said on Monday, the speaker herself an opposite to me.

What have you learned from persons very different than you? What do you see as the value of surrounding yourself with diversity? It’s easy to stick to that which we know, but we’d be missing a whole lot of life if we did.