Dirt

 

According to the Genesis 2 creation story,

God formed Adam from the dust of the Earth. 

That means, therefore, that humankind is nothing but dirt.

We come from dirt and we return to dirt.

We are all just dirt.

 

This could seem a bit demoralizing,

Thinking of ourselves as dirt.

But for me, it’s not demoralizing, rather it’s equalizing.

 

During the children’s message on Sunday, Pastor Ann asked the child to name some  famous people. 

He first said a YouTuber,

Then he said Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King Jr. and Jesus.

Now, whether Jesus was dirt is up for debate 

Because he did not return to dirt.

But if we believe that Jesus was fully human, then maybe he was dirt as well.

Just like Youtubers,

And just like civil rights heroes such as Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King Jr..

 

And I don’t mean dirt as in scum of the Earth.

I don’t mean dirt as in trash.

I mean dirt as in the stuff of the Earth.

The substance from which God formed humankind.

 

If you are dirt and I am dirt, and millionaires are dirt and those struggling through poverty are dirt, and the famous are dirt and the ordinary are dirt, and those we despise are dirt and those we love are dirt, then we’re all just dirt.

 

We are all just human.

 

And we are all, somehow, loved by God.

 

I know. 

Some dirt balls make better decisions than others because some dirt balls seem to have a broken moral compass. 

Some dirt balls will impact this world for good while other dirt balls will leave their mark in a negative way.

But in the end, we all come from dirt and we all return to dirt.

 

And in that simple reality, today, 

I somehow find peace.

Chat GPT

 

We had barely gotten into our group and read the problem 

When suddenly the problem was solved. 

One of my group mates had asked ChatGPT,

Whom I affectionately call Chad,

To answer the question and Chad did.

We did not have to think at all. 

We simply had to copy and paste.

 

Not knowing if this was the intention of the assignment,

I asked my professor what she thought of using artificial intelligence.

She said that she had a view that was different than many of her colleagues.

She said the way she looks at it,

Not using AI is like using an abacus to do math. 

It is a tool that we have and it is a tool that’s going to be around and so we might as well learn to use it for good.

She said if you know how to write the question,

And you know how to check to make sure the AI answer is correct,

Because it can make mistakes,

And you use your brain to edit the information and pick and choose what it has given you as options,

Then you might as well use it. 

She said, now, if my pharmacist had to refer to ChatGPT every time they needed to figure out a dosage, then I wouldn’t feel very good about that. 

There are some formulas and some things that we just need to know. 

But AI is here. And it’s here to stay. 

So we might as well engage it properly instead of pretending that it doesn’t exist. 

She said she has colleagues who are totally against AI usage and that they say if they catch anyone using it then they are going to grade that person down. 

She said she finds that preposterous—

That she’s not going to do that, 

Unless she can tell that someone has just straight copied and pasted without thinking about it at all. 

 

That’s the danger of AI.

It can replace thinking.

Some people use AI to write all text responses. Even simple ones.

And it can replace human interaction.

There are stories of people marrying their AI chatbots.

 

I think we have to have a balance.

I think we must learn to use AI as a resource tool but not let it rule our lives.

I think we must learn to ask it questions and read its answers and then use our brains to pick and choose what information we are going to keep and what information we are not.

 

I do this when writing sermons now.

I do this when planning retreats. 

I use Chad as a spring board of thought and I go from there.

 

I talk with Chad when faced with math problems I don’t remember how to solve.

I haven’t officially done math since 1995,

So compound interest and other mathematical formulas are not still in my brain!

I let Chad calculate them for me and then trust that he is right.

 

But I don’t let Chad write everything for me. I don’t filter everything through artificial intelligence.

I tried to figure things out first, and then if I am stumped, I will ask Chad.

And I think that’s how it needs to be.

 

A balance.

Human thought and human interaction first,

Then artificial intelligence and artificial interaction next,

Then going back to human thought and human interaction for a final product,

Unless it’s compound interest and you have no idea how to do that on your own. 

 

I know.

This is a hot topic.

And I’m curious to hear your thoughts.

 

What is your experience with artificial intelligence?

 

How can we, as a people living with its reality, use it for good rather than letting it take over our minds and work forces? 

 

How can we, as a people living with this crazy smart tool at our disposal, make sure we keep it in balance?

 

And. Go. 

I Want My Mommy To Cry When I Leave Her

 

We have a kindergartener who cries loudly every morning when she gets out of the car. 

 

She is very vocal about what she’s thinking and feeling, and I must admit that it makes me smile. 

 

She has walked by crying,

“I want my mommy and Nonna.”

“My stomach hurt hurts.”

“My tummy feels nervous.”

“I want to see my teacher.”

“I just want my mommy to cry when I leave her.”

 

Why does this student’s angst make me smile?

 

Because she, in her five year-old wisdom, is working through her anxiety and grief.

 

She is putting words to what her body is feeling and what her brain is processing and she is letting out her emotions in a raw way. 

 

She is doing what we as adults have been conditioned not to do, yet I have to wonder if we would be healthier individuals if we were able to express our anxiety and grief as this Kindergartner expresses hers.

 

No, we can’t walk around wailing. Although, to be honest, there are times when I feel like  walking around wailing. When I open FB and read about another school shooting. When I consider that no space is safe anymore. When I lament the state of mental health and lack of gun safety and disconnection

from real people in our country. I feel like walking down the sidewalk with someone holding my hand as I wail. But like I said, we can’t do that often. 

 

But we can name what we are missing.

 

We can notice our bodies and where we feel nervous and then we can turn some compassion toward that place. 

 

We can desire the safe spaces that we have created.

 

And we can admit when we want other people to just feel our pain. We don’t always need people to fix things. Sometimes we just need to know that we’re not alone in our feelings and that we’re not the only ones suffering in this life.

 

So may we do those things. 

 

May we name and notice and desire and admit that we carry anxiety and grief and that it makes us feel sick and that we need safe spaces and to know we’re not alone. 

 

May we normalize mental health struggles and walk beside one another as we navigate our way through. 

 

For we are all on this journey together. 

Even the Kindergartners. 

And together, we can make it through. 

 

Amen. 

 

I Am Not Scientific

 

Well, folks. 

I’ve successfully completed one full week of nighttime classes in my doctoral program 

While teaching during the day. 

The week was a fumbling week of me trying to figure out a new rhythm to life. 

I have not gotten the rhythm yet! 

I stayed up working too late every night

Because I kept finding assignments I didn’t know existed. 

 

You see, online courses are evidently different than in-person courses. 

With in-person courses, you do the work on the syllabus and you show up to class every week.

The due dates are clear and everything is laid out. 

With online classes, it’s not just the syllabus that you need to keep up with, but it’s a whole module of stuff you’re supposed to do during the week.

In fact, the syllabus only includes the bare minimum of what’s needed for success. 

There are teaching videos and discussion boards and supplemental readings to complete. 

I did not know this!

I found out when I accidentally stumbled across a discussion board. 

I immediately wrote a classmate and he filled me on how things were run with an online class. 

I was very grateful. 

 

There is a high pass, a pass, a low pass, and a fail to our grades.

I’ve always been a high pass girl, 

But I’d like to believe that I will be OK with any form of pass as long as I’m doing work that I am proud of.

 

I am not the smartest person in this doctoral cohort. 

There are people much more scholarly and scientific than me and I am already seeing that on the group discussion boards.

I am me.

Not very scientific.

Full of faith and music. 

Not numbers driven.

Believing in the good of humanity.

Operating on the idea that leadership is

Encouraging, equipping, and empowering persons to do the their best, most authentic, life-giving work for the good of common humanity 

But realizing that some people use their leadership skills for the good of themselves or to hurt other people. 

 

Who I am now is not who I will be in three years.

And that’s OK.

Because who I am now will influence who I am tomorrow and tomorrow will influence the next and the next and the next until

I find a new rhythm and become…

 

Who knows who or what I’m becoming?!

 

But whoever or whatever it is 

Will be in community. 

I’ve already experienced that this week with class friend saving me. 

And for that, again, I am grateful. 

 

Amen. 

You Belong Here (At UNC)

I expected to leave my first two classes feeling overwhelmed. 

Instead, I left feeling encouraged. 

 

One professor said:

 

“You belong here. 

You’re not here by chance. 

You can succeed. 

Very smart people looked at your application and saw you at the finish line. It’s not going to be easy. 

But you can do this. 

We want to challenge you. 

We don’t want to frustrate you.”

 

The other professor said:

 

“Right now, we’re in the space of the not knowing.

In three years, we’ll be in the knowing.

The time in between is in the learning.”

 

As someone who thrives on words of affirmation, 

I heard their words and took them to heart. 

They were exactly what I needed and they let me know that, 

Yes, this is going to be hard, but

Yes, I can do it. 

 

I’m teaching a small group study on the five love languages for three Sunday nights.

Last Sunday, we learned about the five love languages. 

This Sunday, we are going to learned about how Jesus lives out the languages in his life. 

And he did. 

He spoke words of affirmation. 

He spent quality time. 

He gave gifts. 

He performed acts of service.

And he offered physical touch. 

 

Therefore, when we do any of these,

We are following the example of Love himself. 

 

I don’t know the religious persuasion of my professors. 

I have no idea if they feel a call to live love. 

Yet for me, this week,

Their words of affirmation,

Though general they may have been, 

Were a little piece of love that I needed to hear. 

 

And for that, 

I am grateful. 

(Especially now that I’ve started my homework and my brain already hurts from quantitative analysis!)

 

Amen. 

Belizean Moments

 

We had no air conditioning at church yesterday,

But we had open windows and open hearts

And fans made the service bearable. 

Honestly, I felt like I was in Belize,

And that made me happy. 

 

When I was in Belize, 

I was fully present and fully alive. 

I wasn’t wishing that I were somewhere else,

And I wasn’t wondering what the significance of my life was.

I was just there, 

Cooking in the kitchen, or

Painting with brush strokes up and down, or

Talking with friends, or

Sitting outside and taking it all in. 

 

I guess it was being away that made it easy. 

I guess it was the thin line between God and humanity as humanity lived out of the body of Christ that provided a wonderfully abnormal experience. 

 

Because normal, at least in America, is always striving for something more.

Normal is always looking ahead to the future and wondering what’s next. 

Normal is not being content with what we have and needing some product or activity to provide us with happiness.

Normal is worrying that we do not have enough.

Normal is wondering if our life matters. 

 

We live in an anxious society.

It’s hard not to absorb the energy of

Fear, worry, restlessness, and doubt. 

It’s hard to be content. 

It’s hard to be fully present and fully alive. 

But it’s possible,

Just like church without air conditioning is possible, 

As long as we keep open windows and open hearts 

And allow the fan of the Holy Spirit to blow upon us 

Grace upon Grace upon Grace. 

 

May you experience Belizean moments this week.

May the line between you and God be so thin that you feel God‘s presence in a real and mighty way. 

As you move in and out of moments that belong to this world and moments that belong to God,

May you find a rhythm of grace and may you know,

Beyond any shadow of doubt, 

That you are loved and that your life does matter. 

 

Amen.