Down Deep

 

I’ve been a member of Massage Envy for over a decade now.

I joined when I lived in SC and made more money than I currently make.

I haven’t let the membership lapse because I always have massages lying in wait,

And I don’t want to waste the money I’ve already spent…

And so I keep the membership going, thinking that I’ll catch up on massages one day,

Only to watch more and more massages accrue and more and more money seemingly go down the drain :-\.

 

That being said,

I’m in a catch-up cycle right now.

At the beginning of the year, I made it my goal to use my massages,

And so I booked a massage every Friday afternoon for five weeks.

Here’s the deal, though:

There was only one massage therapist available at the time I could go,

And he wasn’t very good.

I went because I needed to use up my massages.

I didn’t go because I was receiving the therapeutic benefits of massage.

 

That all changed last Friday.

On a whim, after not going in for a few weeks,

I decided to see if an appointment was available for that day.

There was.

And it was with a different therapist.

So I booked it.

I figured that he couldn’t be much worse than the therapist I’d been seeing.

 

Come to find out,

The new guy was actually an old guy I’d seen years ago.

He had left my location, gone to another, and then landed at the Umstead.

He didn’t like the Umstead, however, because he had to keep the massages relaxing,

And he likes to do more therapeutic work.

 

And boy does he.

As soon as he started my massage,

I knew that it was going to be different than the massages I’d lain through at the beginning of the year.

My new therapist, Anthony, went down deep into my muscles,

All the while stretching them as he went.

There were moments when the work he did hurt,

But it was a good hurt,

And when I left, I felt different.

The tension in my lower back and glutes was gone

And I was pain-free for the first time in a long time.

 

I think that’s how it is with life sometimes, too.

I think sometimes we have to go down deep,

Stretch ourselves, and make ourselves

Face the things that we don’t usually face

In order for the pain to dissipate.

That’s the beauty of counseling.

It’s also the beauty of prayer.

 

Dear God: You are everywhere if we but have the eyes to see and the ears to hear. Thank you for making your presence known on a Friday afternoon in an appointment that I expected little from but that I wanted to keep to be a good steward of the resources you have given. Help all of us to be good stewards of our resources and to catch glimpses of you in wherever we end up. Thank you that, through pain, there is often progress, and that you provide us with people to help in the processes that are beyond our expertise. Help us to seek out others who will strengthen us and make us better for your service. It’s in your loving and life-giving name that I pray, Amen.

 

By the way, I’ve scheduled more massages with Anthony.

How could I not?!

God Still Is

 

I was away at a retreat this past weekend,

But I got to go home for a few minutes on Saturday.

While I was there, I took off my shoes.

As I was getting ready to leave,

I thought to myself,

“What color shoes did I have on? Blue or green?

That’s right. It was the green.”

(I have multiple pairs of the same shoes—just in different colors.)

So I put my shoes back on,

Got the stuff I’d gone home for,

And went back to the retreat.

 

When I got there and started talking to a friend,

She said,
“I see you changed shoes while you were home.”

Thinking to myself, “Oh. I must have put on the blue shoes after all,”

I looked down to see a blue shoe on my right foot…

And a green shoe on my left!

“Oh goshk,” I said. “I put on two different shoes.

And I even stood there and debated which ones to wear!”

We both laughed.

And then it was my turn to speak, so

I totally, 100% forgot about my mismatched shoes until someone later said,

“Umm, Deanna? Is there a reason you have on two different shoes? 😊”

 

Friends:

There I was, delivering a 25-minute talk about grace,

Playing my guitar,

Speaking about communion,

And serving communion to everyone in the group…

In totally mismatched shoes!

 

What a beautiful picture of proof that

I don’t have it all together!

Sometimes, I am a total mess.

Sometimes, I overthink.

Sometimes, I doubt.

Sometimes, I say or do stupid things.

Yet God still is…

 

Working to create good from my worst mistakes,

Working to create life from my deepest grief,

Working to create light in my darkest nights, and

Working to create hope in my anxiety-producing fears.

 

When I seem to have it together,

And when I clearly don’t,

God still is…

 

And God still is…

With you, too.

 

Thanks be to God.

Duty and Call

 

1^st Grade Student: Ms. Deaton, can I tell you something?

 

Me: Yes.

 

Student: You can’t tell anybody, okay?

 

Me, feeling a little worried about what I was getting ready to hear, not knowing if I was going to need to tell somebody about neglect or abuse: Okay.

 

Student, reaching in his pocket: I found this on the playground.

 

Me, concerned that he had found some type of weapon or a condom…

 

Student, opening his hand: Now don’t tell anybody.

 

Me, relieved to see that it was a 50/50 raffle ticket…

 

Student, excited, with a sense of awe and wonder: You see these numbers? I’m gonna use them  to win the lottery!

 

He was so proud of himself, and so very hopeful, and all I could do was smile as he stuck the ticket back in his pocket…and silently ask him for forgiveness because I knew that I was going to tell his story.

 

Here is this kid whose parents are dead,

Who lives with his grandparents (who evidently play the lottery 😊),

Who loves to wear either a bowtie or a huge (fake) golden chain,

Whose skin is brown,

Yet whose innocence sees nothing but goodness and possibility in this world.

 

…

 

Friends:

Let’s do our part to fill the world with goodness and possibility so that everyone—

Those young AND those old,

Those with AND those without significant childhood trauma,

Those who have everything AND those who scrape to get by,

Those who fit in AND those who are different and unique,

Those with white skin AND those with brown and black skin—

Has an opportunity for happiness, love, and joy.

 

Standing against society’s injustices may be hard.

Recognizing privilege may be hard.

Naming personal judgments may be hard.

Doing something about the wrongs we see may be hard.

But it’s our call if we profess to follow Christ and

It’s our duty to common humanity if we do not.

 

Amen.

Self Checkout Lines

 

I like self-checkout lanes.

I like being able to control my pace and the order in which I scan my items.

I like using my own bags or not using bags at all.

I like not feeling the pressure of someone waiting behind me.

 

But inasmuch as I like self-checkout lines,

There are others who despise them,

Or who simply don’t know how to use them,

And it’s for that reason that I don’t think that self-checkout should be the only option when checking out from a store.

 

Last Sunday night,

As I was going through the self-checkout lane at my local grocery store,

I noticed an older gentleman standing in a regular checkout lane.

Even though there were workers available,

No cashier-checkout lanes were open.

The man waited for a little while, hoping someone would come help him,

But no one did.

And so he attempted self-checkout.

He was so lost.

Realizing what was happening, I asked a friend to go help him.

She did.

And then, finally, one of the employees came to assist him in completing his purchase.

 

When I got home that night,

I asked my dad if he knew how to do self-checkout.

As I expected, he said no.

And so I explained it to him,

Knowing that the information was going in one ear and out the other.

My dad tries with technology.

Really, he does.

But there is still so much he doesn’t know or understand.

And he is just one of many older Americans who are being left behind and looked over by modern American society.

 

…

 

Technological advances are great,

But at what cost are we advancing technology

While leaving people—especially older people—behind?

 

…

May we be a people who do not live in either/or but in both/and:

Both self-checkout AND cashier-checkout--

Options for both younger generations AND older generations—

Options for both rich AND poor.

And may we be a people who look out for one another,

Recognizing when someone is lost—

Especially someone older—

And then, offering help as needed,

No strings attached.

 

Amen.

The Gospel

The law damns us.

The gospel sets us free.

The law controls us.

The gospel releases us.

The law judges us.

The gospel pours out grace.

The law keeps order.

The gospel brings radical upheaval.

 

I’ve spent most of my life living under the law,

Feeling judged, damned, and never enough

Because I can never rid myself of the sin that lives within me.

 

But that’s just the point.

There is NOTHING I can do to overcome my brokenness,

So Jesus did it for me.

 

Jesus lived a life that ushered in abundant life on earth with the promise of eternal life beyond.

Jesus died a death that paid the price for sin.

Jesus was resurrected into a life that defeated evil and death.

Jesus transformed the cross from a symbol of shame to a symbol of hope.

Jesus is gospel.

Jesus is hope.

Jesus is grace.

Jesus is love…

And love sets us free.

 

For the past five years, I’ve been learning about this Jesus anew.

It’s not a Jesus bound by the law,

It’s not a Jesus bound by failed human attempts of righteousness,

Rather it’s a Jesus who healed people from all walks of life to demonstrate that the Kin-dom welcomes all,

It’s a Jesus who chose messed-up, fallible creatures to carry his message of redemption,

And it’s a Jesus who really does love us and has called us to be part of his body,

Which is a really beautiful thing.

 

If you have been damned by the law.

If you have been controlled, judged, and kept in line by the rules and regulations of denominational and religious polity.

Then remember the gospel.

Remember freedom, release, grace, and love.

Remember that Jesus brings radical redemption to ALL who will believe—

Oh God, help our unbelief!

 

Amen.

 

Animal Rescue Videos

 

I can’t decide whether animal rescue videos are good or bad for me.

Sometimes, they make me feel warm and fuzzy.

Other times, they make me sob uncontrollably.

Sometimes, I watch with calm anticipation.

Other times, I watch with agitated worry.

 

In one particular video,

A woman dumps her dog out of the car,

Which, unfortunately, is a common practice.

But instead of leaving the dog,

She goes a short distance away and films what the dog does in response.

He runs back and forth, frantically looking for his owner,

Getting more and more frenzied as he can’t find her.

Here is this dog who knows nothing but being taken care of by his owner,

Left in the middle of nowhere,

With no warning, explanation, or understanding,

Scared, and

Alone.

Thankfully, because the video is meant to be educational,

The dog is reunited with his owner in the end.

But how many animals aren’t?

And how many animals suffer because of the abandonment?

 

So that’s a video that makes me weep.

I actually talked about it in therapy to understand why it was so emotional for me—

Blindsides, cut offs, broken trust, and feeling scared and alone were a few themes that emerged.

 

But then there are those who make me smile…

 

Like the one where a very pregnant stray dog has 15 puppies and they’re each labeled with a different colored collar to keep them straight and they all find forever homes,

Or the one where a dog with disabilities gets a wheelchair,

Or the one where a stray dog goes to the groomer and comes out looking like a different dog all together,

Or the one where a kitten is rescued and grows up to be a champion biscuit maker and cuddler,

Or the one where an eel is relieved of three hooks stuck in its mouth,

Or the one where a black goldfish is rescued from a sickly tank and transforms into a happy orange fish,

Or the one where a wayward sheep is shorn and is released from an 80 pound burden.

I actually really like the wayward sheep videos because the sheep are so trusting of the people who help them.

They’re flipped over and turned around and worked on for a long time because their wool is so matted and full of dirt and sticks,

Yet underneath the outer coat of filth,

They are beautifully soft and white.

 

There’s a lesson in there on that one.

I’ll let you figure it out.

 

So yeh.

I can’t determine whether animal rescue videos are good or bad for me.

I blame Facebook for putting them in my algorithm.

And I blame Annie the Cat for being a real-life rescue story that has caused me to put all kinds of human emotions on animals!

 

God: Thank you for animals. And help us, God, to take care of them. Forgive us when we neglect your creation and abandon your creatures, and help us, as a whole, to be more responsible stewards and to do better. Amen.

The Hand Jive

 

Sometimes, when I stand in front of a class,

And they’re a cacophonous, wandering mess,

I wonder what in the world I’m doing.

It’s like I’m not even there for a few moments,

And they’re in their own world.

 

But sometimes, when I stand in front of a class,

And they’re all looking at me, listening,

I still wonder in the world I’m doing.

It’s like they’re all present for a few moments,

And I’m the center of their world.

 

It’s weird.

Knowing that I’m molding the minds of little people

While involving their bodies and voices in learning.

It’s weird.

Realizing the power I have to make or break a kids’ day,

With a word, a smile, a song.

 

Last week, as I was teaching the hand jive to my 2^nd and 3^rd grade students,

And they were all looking at me with wide eyes and wonder,

Imitating my motions,

Completely focused, totally engaged,

I felt this strange sensation of making a difference--

Not that the hand jive itself makes that much of a difference,

But being part of the educational process does:

Seeing what it looks like when a kid is a kid,

Baggage unclaimed,

Trauma left behind,

Attention seeking behavior quieted,

Mind open,

Heart pounding,

Soul at ease.

 

For those few moments,

I was able to provide my students with a momentary escape into happiness

And maybe even a lifelong memory that they will pull up when they can remember nothing else.

How many songs from childhood do you remember?

Commercial jingles? Nursery rhymes? Hand games? Hymns?

 

Music is a powerful thing.

It lives in the body and it stirs the soul.

 

Yet sometimes when I stand in front of a class,

And they’re a cacophonous, wandering mess,

I wonder what in the world I’m doing.

But then I remember:

I am changing a kids’ world.

One hand jive at a time.

 

Amen.