God's Will?

 Many years ago, a friend deeply betrayed me. The betrayal was journey-altering and sent my life down a completely different path than I was traveling.

 

Was her betrayal “God’s will”?

 

Shortly after that betrayal, an acquaintance decided that he didn’t agree with my theology and used his power to impose his theology over mine. A door once opened to me became firmly shut.

 

Was his use of power “God’s will”?

 

Or were the betrayal and power play results of humanity’s interference in someone else’s life?

 

Did God rejoice or did God weep?

 

Did God even feel emotion?

 

…

 

The other day, two of my first graders were debating whether God cries. One was adamant that God does cry. The other was adamant that God does not. They asked me what I thought. I didn’t know what to say. I want to believe that God weeps, too. Jesus wept. But if God is always steady and never-changing, then it doesn’t stand to reason that God would be moved by emotion.

 

…

 

One of my blackout poems recently said, “I have my doubts.”

 

And I do.

 

…

 

Growing up, I don’t remember hearing that I am a beloved child of God. I remember hearing that God loved me so much that He sent His son to die for me. But that statement always implied that I was nothing but a sinner—poor, wretched, depraved, anything but good enough for God. I missed the part of the creation story where God called humankind good. And I missed the part of God’s story where God is love. I heard only the part of God’s story where humankind failed—where Jesus had to come and die for us—not where Jesus chose to come live with and for and through us.

 

…

 

We are commanded to go into all the world and share the gospel of Jesus Christ. When asked what this gospel was, one of the children in the children’s sermon yesterday said that it was that Jesus died for our sins. Yes. Jesus did die for us—for bringing in the Kingdom of God in this world. But isn’t there so much more to the gospel than Christ’s atoning death (and resurrection)? And didn’t Jesus tell us that he came to bring us peace? And unity? And love?

 

…

 

So maybe betrayal isn’t God’s will. And maybe power plays aren’t God’s will either. But maybe God helps us rebuild from both. And maybe God weeps when humanity works to stand against one another in judgment instead of with one another in love.

 

…

 

A friend told me the other day that she was praying for me—for strength, understanding, and forgiveness of the ignorance of others. I think I’ll pray that prayer, too—for myself and for those around me. And I think I’ll trust the love of Christ the Redeemer which passes all understanding and lives in community with God the Father and Creator and God the Spirit and Sustainer. Now and forevermore. Amen.