Last week, I had had enough of one of my students. They’d been boisterous at breakfast day after day and they’d been out-of-control of their body in class week after week. I quickly judged that they either had uncontrolled ADHD or were simply pushing boundaries to see what they could get away with. I was very firm with them, showed little patience or compassion, and opened ClassDojo to write their mom a message…until a little voice told me to talk to their teacher.
I
found out that they have a terrible home life. Mom was recently arrested and put
in jail. Dad wasn’t in the picture. They were staying with a family friend who
had no legal authority over them and was abusive. They had been neglected due
to drug use and had no one in their court to help them get to school to receive
said breakfast, or lunch, or education.
They
don’t necessarily have ADHD. But they do have PTSD. Trauma mimics ADHD in many
ways: hypervigilance, inattention, detachment, irritability, anger outbursts,
distractedness, restlessness, impatience, impulsiveness, and difficulty
concentrating. And I feel like an idiot for so quickly passing judgment on a
kid just trying to get by.
Trauma
affects people’s lives in ways we are just beginning to fully understand. Persons
with unresolved trauma may experience chronic fatigue, eating disorders,
obesity, interpersonal difficulties, low self-esteem, anxiety, poor immune
function, hypertension, aggressive behavior, and depression to name a few.
How
many times do we see adults with these symptoms and pass judgment on them—especially
those with interpersonal difficulties, aggressive behaviors, and
depression/anxiety?
What
about persons who are homeless? Have you considered that persons experiencing
homelessness are likely to be victims of trauma?
According
to Starr Commonwealth, a leading expert on trauma and resilience, “Trauma is anything
we experience or perceive as being something we have no control over –
something that leaves us feeling completely helpless, hopeless, and fearing for
our safety or our survival.” Trauma is something that happens to us—violent or
non-violent—that leaves us feeling “helpless, hopeless, and fearing for our
safety and survival.” Trauma is not the victim’s fault.
And
yet…how many times do be blame the victim by passing moral judgment and believing
that they should be able to pull themselves up from their bootstraps and move
forward?
It’s
just not that easy…just like it’s not that easy for my student.
My
student needs therapy. They need a stable homelife with someone who loves them
and doesn’t abuse them. They need a continued safe place in school with food
and shelter and people who love them and support them and believe that they can
learn no matter what else is going on in the world. They need social services
that can provide help to get out of generational poverty and familial trauma. So
many things need to happen for this student to rise above the trauma they have
already experienced and to not pass that trauma to future generations. Likewise,
so many things need to happen to move people from homelessness to places of employment
and shelter.
We
live in a broken world, full of broken people who don’t need to be judged but
loved. I judged my student. I have judged the homeless. May God forgive my
blind ignorance, and may God help me move forward with the reminder that there
is almost always more than meets the eye. May God allow us to love all people
with the love that only God can give—the God who understands trauma—the God who
went to the cross. Amen.
By
the way, after talking with their teacher, I have changed my attitude toward my
student—toward all of my students, really. When they started their boisterous
behavior in the cafeteria, I looked at them and spoke with love and compassion
rather than stern annoyance. And what do you know? They responded by calming
down. And what do you not know? Whether they are a boy or girl. It doesn’t
matter. Both experience trauma. And both need to be loved…
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