Gripped by Fear and Anxiety

Yesterday was a high and holy day.

Easter, the day of Jesus’ resurrection.

Easter, the day when sin and death were overcome by light and life.

Easter, a day of trumpeting for me.

Easter, a day of tears.

 

I was worshipping through the liturgy of the Easter Service yesterday morning when I suddenly found myself with tears rolling down my face. Not wanting to make a big scene, I quietly wiped my face, walked to my place to sing the choral anthem, took communion, played my trumpet, spoke to my friends, and made my way to my car…where I promptly started to weep.

 

“Encouraging God, you do a new thing among us. We pray for those gripped by fear and anxiety or who suffer in any way. Send us as your healing presence to the places of hunger, pain, illness, or overwhelming sorrow.”

 

We pray for those gripped by fear and anxiety.

Those gripped by fear and anxiety.

Fear and anxiety.

That’s me.

 

I don’t mean for it to be me.

But it’s me.

 

Even on medicine.

Even after fifteen years of therapy/counseling/life-coaching.

Ever after experiencing all the new things that God has done and will continue to do in my life.

I struggle with Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

And I always will.

 

But here’s the thing that hit me yesterday,

Even as I worked my way through a morning of nagging and irrational anxiety:

I am not the only one.

 

If the liturgy writers for the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America thought it important enough to pray for those gripped by fear and anxiety, then I am clearly not the only one.

 

What’s more? The writers thought that those of us gripped by fear and anxiety were important enough to be called out and prayed for by congregants across America.

 

Not only was my little church praying for me, but thousands of people whom I will never know and who will never know me were praying for me:

 

Our voices lifted as one, praying for healing, and praying that we, ourselves, could be part of that healing.

 

In that passing moment during worship, I didn’t have the words to understand my tears. I just knew that they were quietly falling. But on my way home, as the tears turned to weeping, I found the words and realized that I was humbled…as well as a little sad—I won’t lie—living with fear and anxiety is hard and I don’t know how people do it without help and a belief in the Light and Life that we celebrated yesterday…but, mostly, I was humbled…and grateful.

 

“Encouraging God, you do a new thing among us. We pray for those gripped by fear and anxiety or who suffer in any way. Send us as your healing presence to the places of hunger, pain, illness, or overwhelming sorrow. Lord, in your mercy, receive our prayer.” Amen.