Abuse

 

***Trigger Warning: Abuse***

 

Over the past couple of months, I’ve heard at least five different stories of women who are either stuck in or have fled from abusive relationships.

 

It’s gut-wrenching to hear stories of being held at knife point, of being pushed onto the bed and hit repeatedly, of being isolated from friends, of walking on egg-shells, of having to make everything appear perfect but living in hell when doors are closed. It’s heart-breaking to hear the fear that comes through manipulation and threats. It’s soul discouraging to hear of “men of God” dominating and subjecting their wives to unwanted and undesired acts in the name of submission.

 

One of the women who shared her story with me said, “I used to wonder what it was like to be married to someone normal. I would see families that appeared to have it all together, but then I realized that that’s how my family looked. You never know what goes on when no one is looking.”

 

She escaped her abusive marriage with a late night 911 to a family member and a restraining order against her husband the next day. To this day, she shutters in fear when she sees her ex.

 

Abuse is not just physical. It is mental, spiritual, emotional, and psychological. When you have to lie about going to Walmart so you can see your friends, then you are in an abusive relationship. Sometimes we can see it. Sometimes we can’t. Sometimes we know it. Sometimes we don’t. Regardless, getting out isn’t easy. It is frightening. It is terrifying. It is crazy-making…especially when children are involved.

 

Yesterday at church, after the confession of sins, we prayed a simple prayer that brought me to tears. As I prayed, I thought especially of the women (and men) stuck in the middle of fear, panic, and heartache:

 

“O God, from you comes all holy desires, all good counsel, and all just works. Give to us, your servants, the peace which the world cannot give, that our hearts may be set to your commandments; and also that we, being defended from the fear of our enemies, may live in peace and quietness, through Jesus Christ, our Savior and Lord.”

 

Friends: When someone is stuck in an abusive relationship, it can be hard to see God. Either she clings to God, or she deems God not with us. And yet, God is. God is with us through the hands and feet of those who live in Love. God is with us through the moments of peace that come through clandestine meetings at a coffee shop or at firepits in the fall. God is with us each time we are able to stand up to a threat, each time we are able to stand our ground, each time we find the courage to speak. And yet. God is bigger than even those things and God provides peace, and quiet, and defense from our enemies in ways that we cannot explain.

 

I don’t understand abuse. I don’t understand why God allows the evil to prosper and the righteous to suffer. I don’t understand how long someone must endure before making it to the other side.

 

All I know is that I feel more compelled than ever to pray both for the peace that the world cannot give and for defense from fear…for those whom I know, living in fear…and for those whom I don’t know, living in silence.

 

Oh, God, grant that we may be peace, strength, and quiet to those in need. And grant that all who are suffering or recovering from the hands and words of abuse know that they do not have to suffer or recover alone. Do something big in their lives today. Somehow. Someway. Please. Through Jesus Christ, our Savior and Lord. Amen.