Seen But Not Heard

Last night during our weekly family Zoom meeting—another sign of our times—I kept speaking but my family kept ignoring me. As I sat there being ignored, I began to wonder, “Is anyone hearing me?”

Finally, as I was trying to share my question of the week—my brother’s idea to keep everyone engaged in active conversation—my brother said, “Dee, you’re muted.”

At that moment, a light bulb went off in my mind: My phone wasn’t working!

I have a broken microphone in my phone and therefore cannot speak into speaker phone or any platform that involves talking…unless I have in my headphones.

I quickly put in my headphones and suddenly my speaking was heard. It was like magic. And I was so relieved to finally be heard.

I just finished a five-day course on Trauma and Resilience. One of the biggest things I learned in my coursework is that many people are seen but not heard. And sometimes when we’re heard, we’re not truly listened to…and sometimes we’re not seen at all…

Last night, I also dreamed that one of my best friends and I were hanging out with another friend whom we’d both just met. At one point, the new friend looked at me and said, “Don’t you see? She’s dying for someone to see her and to know that she’s not okay. She needs you to ask about her hurt. She needs you to bring up the trauma she’s experienced.” I said, “I know. But I don’t know how.” And then later in the dream, I fell into water and sank very far toward the bottom, but I kept swimming upward, somehow knowing how to breathe in water, trying so very hard to make it to the top…

Seeing people—hearing people—listening to people—especially people who have experienced deep hardship and trauma can seem overwhelming. Even after my coursework, I wonder where to begin.

But then I remember, begin at the beginning…and in the beginning was the Word…and the Word was with God…and God is Love.

Begin with Love. Begin with acceptance. Begin with safety. Begin with curiosity. Begin with knowing that you don’t know all the answers and that you never will. Begin with knowing that “loving another person just the way they are is no small thing—it’s the whole thing.” (Sara Groves) Begin with relationship. Begin with believing in Light to do its work. Begin with honoring time to do its work. Begin with prayer. Begin with common human experience. Begin with Love…

I really did feel bad last night when I felt like my family was ignoring me—and that was only for five minutes. Imagine a whole lifetime…

May we never be a people who see but don’t hear…or who hear but don’t listen…or who don’t listen or see at all. May we be, instead, a people of safety, Love, and light. Always. Amen.