Self-Imposed Work

5.30.19—Self Imposed Work

Ever since 7th grade, I’ve kept a journal of my poems. For years, I would gather pieces of paper, napkins, and any else I’d scribbled on, put them in chronological order, and then copy their contents neatly into my “book of poems.” This collection process helped keep me organized and made the formatting the same for all of my writing. It’s actually really neat to look at how both my handwriting and signature have changed over the years—and how I am the same person year after year, just with a different understanding of God and self, and with much, much more grace.

Since 2007, however, I’ve done most of my writing on the computer or, more recently, my phone. This electronic gathering of words is much cleaner, neater, and easier to organize than the paper way. I haven’t needed my hand-written book of poems as much because I can print and bind a professional looking book quite easily. In fact, I have printed and bound books for every year of the past decade or more. My “original copy of songs and poems” file has pretty much ceased receiving additions. My writing thought process with edits has pretty much ceased to be seen. The backspace and delete buttons of electronics erase evidence of poor word choice and misspellings.

Maybe this is why I still find myself desiring to copy my writing into my book of poems—to remind myself that I’m human—to remember that some processes can and should take time—to remind myself that it’s okay to make a mistake every once in a while. Pen and ink are good reminders of that fact—especially when one writes as small and messy as me…

Ever since my first year of teaching, I’ve kept a budget sheet. Money Matters with Larry Burkett was on the radio each afternoon as I drove home, so he instilled in me both the importance of having a budget sheet and of having no debt. In the past twenty years, software programs, apps, and electronic banking have all become popular ways of keeping up with spending. I know this. I know there are time-saving ways to keep track of personal finances. And yet, I continue to keep my own budget sheet. The format of the sheet has changed many times over the years, but it’s always involved a manual entering of spending…because maybe I need to slow down and process my purchases—really look at where my money is going and ask myself what my spending habits say about my heart—and maybe I need a slap in the face ever so often because maybe I’m not always the good steward of my money that God has called me to be…

The other day, I was complaining about my hand hurting from writing down poems. A few days before that, I was complaining about being behind on my budget sheet. One of my friends said, “All of that self-imposed work.” And I realized she was correct. My book of poems and my budget sheet are both self-imposed tasks that no one would miss were I to stop doing them—except for me. I would miss both of them—because both of them have their place in my life—and both serve as a reminder for me to slow down and really look at the life that I’m living—to truly remember the journey—and to pray for the people, events, and circumstances that inspire me to write or cause me to spend money…

Think about the self-imposed work that you have in your life--schedules, routines, tasks, organizational systems, and expectations that you alone hold for yourself. Does this self-imposed work help or hinder you? Does it add something positive to your life or fill you with frustration? Is it something that you need or is it something that can be let go? If you need it, then why? What value does it add to your life? Don’t be afraid to name and claim it. But if you can let it go, then what practical steps can you take to actually do so? There is no need to live life bogged down by self-imposed work.

Whatever you name and whatever you decide, I hope that you will embrace your self-imposed work as part of who you are and use it for the betterment of yourself and others. In the meantime, I will continue writing down poems to the detriment of my hand and I will continue filling in my budget sheet to my personal dismay. How one person can spend so much money on food, I don’t know. But at least I know it and can celebrate that so much of what I have spent has been with family and friends.