Grant Life, Always Light

Last week's sermon at church was on the passage where Jesus fed the five thousand. My pastor was sick, so my dad delivered the message.

Yesterday’s sermon was on the passage where Jesus walked on water. My pastor was feeling better, so he delivered the message.

Last week, we learned about God's faithfulness in provision. Jesus showed his disciples that he was present, capable, and willing to take care of human need. Yesterday, we watched the disciples forget that fact just hours after they'd experienced it. We watched as they tried in vain to use their own strength and power to save themselves from a raging storm and we watched Peter begin to sink as he took his eyes off of Jesus and realized that he was actually walking on water—which, to me, is a funny scene to imagine.

I don't remember exactly how he got there, but at the end of his sermon, Patrick (my pastor) said something like this: "Folks, the world around us is dying, and we have the light and love to give it life--but we're failing to give it life because we're taking our eyes off of what, and who, really matters. We're taking our eyes off of the cross and focusing on ourselves--because we're human--and we want what we want--and in our times of storm or darkness, we rely on our own strength to save us instead of the one who has shown, time and time again, the he is faithful to save."

I cried. I have the light and love to help give life, yet I struggle sometimes to show and share it because I get so extremely lonely and allow that loneliness to turn to doubt, insecurity, and shame.

"Doubt," Patrick said, "is desiring two things but not being able to fully decide between them. Jesus did not doubt. He easily could have. He could have chosen to stay in this world and not go through the extreme pain that he knew was coming, but he didn't. He set his face toward the cross and never turned back. There is no doubt that he was extremely lonely as he made his way toward Jerusalem. Everyone set to walk with him slowly fell away. Yet Jesus kept going. He knew his call. He faced the cross and died so that we could live. Likewise, we must daily die to ourselves so that others might live."

I kept crying.
Then I stood to lead the final hymn,
"Wherever he leads I'll go. Wherever he leads I'll go.
I'll follow my Christ who loves me so. Wherever he leads I'll go."
Which.
Right now.
Is Johnsonville.

Oh God.
When the work is hard and the meetings are long.
When the shadows of failure lurk on every hall.
When the pressure is palpable and the demands an insatiable beast:
Grant hope, peace, and wisdom,
Endurance, courage, and strength,
To face the raging storms that lie ahead.
Though broken darkness, injustice, and bitterness
Try to consume,
Grant that we give life, always light,
Abundant, steady, full.
Amen.