About an hour ago, an excited “woo-hoo!” sounded from upstairs. I was having a personal moment of celebration because what was lost had been found. If Luke had written a parable about my predicament, he would have written:
Suppose a teacher has six flash drives and loses one. Doesn’t she check the pockets of all of her pants and jackets until she finds the one that is missing? And when she finds it, doesn’t she picture message all of her friends and say, “Hoooray! I have found my lost flash drive!” and doesn’t she hold the flash drive in the air and grin in the presence of her parents? In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents.
Yesterday’s sermon was on the need for joy and celebration in both everyday life and the church. It was the final sermon in a series of sermons on fasting—on the focal passage of the Lord’s Prayer—on losing to find. It was a slap in the face to me that I had completely botched the last week of fasting—which was less of a giving up of something specific than it was of an adding intentional praise.
Last week was probably the hardest week I’d had since returning to school. I wrote my confession on Thursday, so I don’t need to write it again, but I will add that I left school on Friday feeling totally exhausted and defeated. As I realized through another sermon last night, I had allowed myself to see school as a giant and myself as a grasshopper. I had allowed doubts, frustrations, insecurities, and failures to cloud the certainty of my call back into the public schools.
I began today with the determination to try a do-over of last week’s fast. I was determined that, somehow, I would find encouragement in my days and focus on the positive…
When I got to school this morning, I had a note waiting for me. It was a thank you note that said something to the extent of, “Thank you for giving so selflessly of yourself without expecting anything in return. You are a blessing to J’Ville.” [I left the note at school so that I could refer back to it when having a rough day.]
When I got home from work today, I had a FB message waiting for me. It said, “Hey friend. Prayers for you this day that you would hop high in very tall grass. I know that you will find a path of grace and peace in all the weeds that seem to be in the way to something beautiful in public schools.”
When I receive words like these, I have no trouble keeping my determination…
But I still have little doubt that my determination will be challenged once students return to classes tomorrow and the reality of my still being behind sets in.
Yet I’m going to do my best to remain positive…to celebrate the small things…to not lose my flash drive again but to totally lose myself…and to remember that I, alone, am limited but that I, with Christ, “can do all things.”
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