Along The Way

A few years ago, I bought a pair of solid leather shoes. After spending quite a bit of money on the shoes, I prayed that God would bless them and allow me to wear them for many years, ministering to people along the way.

A few days ago, I got a new phone. After spending quite a bit of time contemplating what kind of phone I needed, I decided to go with a mildly smart phone (or middle school education phone as I like to say) instead of a truly smart phone. My new phone has number buttons that I can feel but it still allows me to get online when I so choose. I talked about my new phone decision with my counselor, friends, family members, and God and finally settled upon another middle school education phone because I didn’t want a smart phone to take over my life or finances. Once receiving my new phone, I prayed that God would bless the phone and allow me to use it for many years, ministering to people along the way.

I’m not good with major decisions. I don’t want to make a wrong decision (although I realize that every decision, in some way, in some time, can work for good). I don’t want to waste money, get stuck with something I’ll regret, choose something that’s not a good fit, or get stuck in a situation from which I cannot get out.

But…I didn’t really hesitate today when making a decision about my placement with CPE. In addition to working at the hospital, I’ll be working at a long-term, palliative care facility. When I shadowed the on-call chaplain last Thursday (and came home asking what I’d gotten myself into), I didn’t feel drawn to a particular section of the hospital. When my interviewing supervisor mentioned the long-term care facility in my initial interview, however, I did feel a sense of curiosity about the placement. And so…it’s what I chose.

Did I enjoy going to the nursing home when I was a GA or in youth group? No.
Do I still have an aversion to strong smells? Yes.
Do I still feel sadness when I see bodies wasting away? Yes.
Do I still feel, in most ways, totally uncomfortable about what I’ll be doing? Yes.

Yet…as is the case with CPE in general…I feel in my gut that I’m doing the right thing—or at least what will be good for me at this point in my life—as challenging as it will be.

As a friend recently told me, “CPE thrives on anxiety.”

So…I’m going to pray that God will bless the anxiety and the placement and allow me to use them both to minister to many people along the way.