Sushi and Sardines

I met a homeless man named Lawrence tonight. We crossed paths at a crosswalk outside of Sushi Blues in Raleigh. I had just celebrated my friend Angela’s birthday (two days late). I gave her two of the members of the Hallmark Angel band. If you’ve never seen Hallmark’s Holiday bands, then you should. They’re actually really cool.

Anyway, Lawrence told me I looked cold, which I was. Then we started talking. His wife had recently died of lung cancer. He had fallen in love with her as an older adult and then chosen to stay by her side until the end of her life. He said it was really hard to watch her die. And that it was hard to give up his place after he used all of his money for her funeral.

I asked Lawrence if he had a place to sleep. I knew we weren’t near a shelter. He said that he’d tried to go to the shelter but that the other men there could get kind of crazy, so he preferred to stay on his own. He said he had a blanket and couple of places he liked to lie down for the night. He was wearing a toboggan and sweater and sturdy coat, boots, and jeans. I told him I was glad that he was dressed warmer than me.

I felt completely safe with Lawrence.

I asked him if he needed any food. He said he always appreciated food. I told him to walk with me to my car, that I had a bag for him. I gave him a homeless bag (the reusable shopping bag kind) and told him it had in it a roll of toilet paper, a roll of paper towels, some hygiene products, and some things to eat. I told him I hoped he could find something in the bag that he liked. He said he would.

Then he hugged me and said, “God bless you.” I hugged him back and said, “God bless you, too.” And I smiled…because he had a faint hint of cologne on him .

We talked for a few more minutes. He told me to keep the oil and fluids checked in my car and that it should keep going for a long time, even if it was hard to keep clean. “White and black cars are hard to keep clean,” he said. I assured him that I’d keep the oil and fluids checked and that it was okay that it didn’t stay clean. I don’t care so much about the outside of my car as long as the inside doesn’t get too dirty.

After we said our goodbyes, Lawrence took his bag to some nearby stairs. He unpacked it to see what was inside and I heard a little exclamation of excitement as he pulled out the sardines and canned meats. He looked at me, held up a can, and smiled. I gave him a thumbs up and drove away thinking that maybe I should try canned sardines sometimes. A lot of people seem to like them.

On nights like tonight when I didn’t listen to my mother and dress warmly yet know that I have a warm car to take me to a warm house where I can sit with two parents who love me while working on a computer that has been good to me and then go upstairs to take a hot shower that I don’t really need and then snuggle into a cute little bed that has held my dreams for many, many years, I can’t help but be overly grateful that even without a job and even while carrying a lot of heartache and grief I still have the ability to eat sushi with lifelong friends and give sardines to a man named Lawrence who, also, was created in God’s image.

God. Thank is you is not enough. But. Thank you. And God? Please bless Lawrence and keep him safe and warm tonight and throughout the winter and beyond. Amen.

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What is one thing about your college for which you are grateful? If you haven't yet been to college, then what is or was it about your school? I’m thankful that Meredith College provided me with a super education that prepared me for teaching and introduced me to professors who care enough to friend me on Facebook and friends with whom I can eat sushi while sharing memories from 17+ years of life together.

What is one thing about the 80+ year old persons in your life for which you are grateful? I’m grateful for their stories and wisdom and resilience to live through so many decades of rapid change. [This question came after a two hour conversation with a woman with whom I used to go to church. As of yesterday, I have begun cleaning her house…only…I didn’t get to cleaning because we talked for my whole visit hours instead! She was once an officer in the military. I find that fascinating.]

What is one company/business whose products, services, and/or values you are thankful? I am thankful for the US Postal Service, UPS, and FedEx. I know sometimes that they receive a bad rap, but when I stop and think about what they do—how quickly they move products around the world—I’m amazed…and grateful. Not to mention that this year’s USPS Christmas Stamps are really pretty!

When I Opened My Mail

I got a card in the mail last week but I didn’t open it. I added it to my pile of mail to go through later, thinking that I’d need a few minutes to read the enclosed holiday letter. I had no idea that I’d actually need a few minutes to pull myself together after bursting into tears.

The card said:

“Returning one of the nicest gifts a friend gave us during one of the hardest times we’ve had, and also one of the times we are most thankful for. There is no ‘should’ attached to this gift. Use [this gift card] however you want, be it for something you need, something you want, or a way to nurture your love language of gift giving. Know that we are thankful for you.”

Yesterday afternoon, sitting on the couch in my pajamas, doing little more than experiencing a day-long television marathon with my parents, I received one of the most meaningful gifts of my life. The gift card was very nice. I will use it and am grateful. But the words. The thoughts. The tangible expression of lasting friendship. The confirmation that my life and actions once made a difference in someone else’s life during a hard time. Those are the things that washed over me and pulled out speechless tears along the way.

The ironic thing? I have no recollection of sending the gift that my friend wrote about. I guess we really don’t know the difference our lives make when we simply seek to live them as outpourings of God’s love, hope, and grace…

And now to answer my questions of thankfulness:

What is one Thanksgiving leftover for which you are grateful? Field peas! I’m a big fan of field peas.

What is one game (board, card, dice, sport, computer, or logic) you really enjoy playing? I like word games: Scrabble, Boggle, Banagrams, Nab-It, etc. I also enjoy playing Mahjonng on the computer when I remember it exists.

What is one piece/type of furniture you are very grateful exists? I’ve thought about this a lot and I’m going to say the sofa. I suppose most recently I’ve been thankful for my sofa at the Lake Apartment and our sofa downstairs. I used my Lake Apartment sofa to sit on, eat on, and sleep on. It was pretty old but it had a really nice dip in the middle that was great for sleeping—not to mention the sofa’s position allowed me to overlook the lake. Our sofa downstairs currently looks pretty rough thanks to a big man, a little dog, and some kids; however, it’s really soft, fluffy, and comfortable—especially when I pop the button to make it recline!

What are some kitchen gadgets you are thankful exist? Upon pondering this question, I realize that the word “gadget” is difficult to define. The kitchen things I’m most thankful for seem to be either appliances (though small appliances) or cooking utensils. However, I really like using the egg slicer when we have boiled eggs, the melon ball scooper even though I don’t like melon, and the grippy thing you can use to open jars and bottles. I think the first two are fun and the last one is just practical .

Dear God,
For friendships that endure the tests of time,
For gifts that encourage us when we’re down.
For food and games that we enjoy,
For furniture and gadgets that remind us just how blessed we are.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Amen.

A Minor Thanksgiving Day Miracle

I know this sounds silly, but a minor miracle occurred during lunch today: I was able to taste my food. Not for the whole meal. But for just one moment. I could taste my food. And it was really good! As quickly as I could without muddling the flavors, I took one bite each of everything on my plate: turkey, rice/gravy, dressing, field peas, and carrots. I imagine that I looked kind of silly eating one bite of everything on my plate as quickly as I could. But no joke, after I’d tasted one bite of everything, my ability to taste went away again and I finished the meal with only a general idea of the taste of what I was eating—salty or sweet. It’s as if that one moment happened just for me.

We’re having our official Thanksgiving Meal on Saturday when the house will be full of kids and the table full of different foods. Maybe the congestion that has stolen both my taste buds and sense of smell will be completely cleared out by then. Maybe not. Maybe I’ll still be living in a smell-less, taste-less funk. Regardless, one thing I’ve learned this Thanksgiving season is that nothing is too small to be grateful for—especially not the senses of smell and taste. I don’t know that I’ll ever take them for granted again.

What is one thing you've experienced that you wouldn't trade for the world? Seeing my nephew fly into the world and my niece simply arrive.

What is one smell that always brings you comfort? The smell outside just after it begins to rain. I think it may actually be the smell of the pavement, but whatever it is, it always makes me smile.

What is one thing you appreciate about Thanksgiving Day? The relaxed pace and time set aside for rest. Our more action-filled celebration occurs on another day. And on this particular Thanksgiving Day, I appreciate the hope of getting well and being able taste and smell again.

Dear God, your creativity and attention to detail never cease to amaze me. For giving us five senses with which to live and enjoy life, thank you. For giving us food to eat and the ability to share with those in need, thank you. For being a God in whom our hope never fails, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Amen.

Aunt Dee Loves Handbells

I’ve been playing handbells since I was in grade school. I played in college, womaning the lower octaves with my best friend Angela. I played at church when I worked on staff at FBC Erwin. We all bought tie dyed gloves and went to handbell festivals. And I’m playing again this Christmas at Erwin. I received the distress call on Friday and swept in to play the tiny bells on Sunday. I am so happy to be playing bells again! It’s actually a bit silly how something so simple can bring me such joy.

It’s because I was playing bells yesterday that I had the realization that Jesus had grandparents and an aunt. The pastor mentioned this little fact in his sermon and I was so struck by the thought that I pondered it for the rest of the day.

Can you imagine being Jesus’ grandparent or aunt or uncle? Can you imagine being the one who got to spoil him and then send him home?! Can you imagine the pure, unconditional love that you’d have felt picking him up, swinging him around, playing the prototype to Candyland, sitting down with him for tea, laughing at his crazy messed up little boy hair cut?!

I must admit that I had let my amazement of Jesus having an aunt fade a little in my mind as I started with a new counselor this morning and discussed Bible study with a friend early this afternoon. But as I stood in my sister’s kitchen late this afternoon, a hyper seven year old hanging onto my arms, laughing, looking into my eyes and calling me “Aunt Dee,” the thought reemerged and a deep rush of emotion swept over me and I thought to myself, “Oh to have been Jesus’ aunt…yet still…there is no joy great than this.” Not even playing handbells.

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And now…to answer the latest thankful questions:

What is the name of the furry creature for whom you are very grateful? [Yes. You can list more than one. Yes. You can be thankful for pets from your past and present :-)]. Bullet is the current furry creature in my life. He’s sitting right beside me as I write this. He’ll go home to his porch a little later. The other furry creatures I currently love are Percy and Millie, both of whom I’ve spoken to and given dog treats at the door tonight.

What TV show(s), past and present, are you glad that persons had the creativity and ability to produce? Why? I’m not sure what led me to ask this question! Since I’m watching “All Star Family Cook-Off” on the Food Network while I answer this question, I’ll say the “All Star Family Cook-Off” :-). Seriously, I enjoy cooking show battles like this, “Chopped,” and “Iron Chef.” They have opened my eyes to a culinary world that I didn’t know existed and provided my mom and me with many hours of family entertainment…and shared amusement from Chef Alex Guarnaschelli.

What para-churches, non-profit organizations, and ministries are you super glad exist? Brace yourselves, everyone. This is a shocker: WMU. Seriously. I’m glad that WMU exists for missions education, for empowering women and children (and men, too), for hosting summer camps, for supporting missionaries, and for reaching people through ministries such as Project Help. And…I don’t even work for them anymore!

What is one thing commonly taken for granted that you are actually very thankful for? Being able to breathe through both nostrils!

Gracious and Giving God,
For the pets who bring unconditional love and comfort to our lives;
For the entertainment that brings us laughter, education, and thought;
For the organizations and ministries that reach the world about which we’re passionate;
And for the simple things in life that we so often take for granted…music and family not being the least of these:
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Amen.

Let's Think About Being Grateful Instead

I wish that I could be a like the birds who are outside playing in the rain. They look like they’re having such a good time splashing in puddles and talking with one another, though I imagine they may be a little cold. But alas, I’m a sick human inside her warm house, dry, groggy, splashing nowhere but the shower when I can do nothing else to breathe.

This week, I count not having a job as a blessing. I’m able to stay home and be sick without worrying about the work that I’m missing. I’m able to put all of my time and energy into fighting bad germs and trusting the good guys to triumph. It’s weeks like this when I’m even more amazed than normal by the human body. God’s design for our bodies is so detailed and intricate that it literally makes my head hurt—kind of like it hurts when I think about infinity.

So let’s not think about infinity or the human body. I don’t need another part of my human body to hurt. Let’s think about being grateful instead.

For what one article of clothing are you extremely grateful? I’ve thought about this question a lot, debated many different articles of clothing, imagined life without various articles of clothing, and come to my conclusion: I’m extremely grateful for comfortable, sturdy, supportive shoes (even if they aren’t necessarily pretty.) When my feet are stifled—when they’re crammed into uncomfortable, impractical shoes, then they don’t feel free. And when my feet don’t feel free, the rest of me doesn’t either. “How beautiful are the feet of those who share the good news.”

What is one job/profession you are extremely thankful exists but that you are equally thankful you are not called to do? [Today, if you cross their paths, say thanks to persons who have been called to this job/profession.] My gut answer to this question is almost always a job/profession in the medical field—surgeon, dental hygienist, nurse, etc. But I’ve also recently been very grateful for sanitation workers. While I’m not thrilled with the amount of trash that I and other Americans produce, and while I know that high trash production and disposal leads to a form of human exploitation, I’m very thankful for workers who do the dirty work of taking trash away.

What is one personal hygiene or grooming item for which you are especially thankful? I’ve enjoyed reading everyone’s answers to this question. As with all of the questions, really, it’s neat to see what different people think and value…and who is bold enough to say the things that other people just won’t say. That being said, I’m going to be somewhat bold here, embarrass myself a little, and say that I’m especially thankful for feminine hygiene products. Again, I’ve thought a lot about the answer to this question, and, well, I’m really glad that I don’t have to go sleep in a tent, sit on bales of hay, not go to work or school, or do any of the other things that women of the past and women of other countries today must do each month.

We are so blessed with luxuries in America…clothing to choose from, job opportunities that are vast, personal hygiene and grooming items that are so common that we often don’t think twice about them. But today, as I use soft tissues and suck on cough drops, sit in lounge clothes inside a warm house, have the choice not to be outside with the birds, splashing in the cold water, though I still think it would be fun, I thank God for all of the luxuries that surround me…not the least of which is the cozy bed that I’m about to burrow into for a nice sick-on-a-rainy-day nap.

Loving God. Accept our thanks today for all of the good things in our lives. Soft pants, jeans, sweatshirts, hoodies, jackets, underwear, soft fleece socks, baseball pants, tweezers, hairbrushes, hairspray, razors, mascara, dental floss, deodorant, toothbrushes, doctors, trash collectors, pastors, teachers, morticians, school bus drivers, and more. Help us to see things and people as gifts to be cherished and help us to live with a grateful spirit for all that we’ve been given. Amen.

What It Is You Think I Should

“Is it just me or does this lyric not make any sense?” she said. “‘I told him I am the flower, you are the seed. We walked in the garden, we planted a tree.’ Unless I’m mistaken, there has to be some kind of crazy cross pollination going on there if that’s going to make any sense!”

Such was the conversation heard in room 223 of the Springhill Suites in Asheville yesterday morning. It was complete with dramatic singing and acting as my college friends Rachel and Angela and I attempted to answer Sunday’s question: “What is one song for which you are particularly thankful?” One simple question turned into a lengthy discussion that spanned everything from poignant hymns to guilty pleasures. The song “All I Want To Do Is Make Love To You” was a guilty pleasure. It’s one of those songs that’s somewhat ridiculous in plot but very fun to sing loudly!

Another song we stumbled upon was the song “Not Ready To Make Nice” by the Dixie Chicks. I didn’t really know the song until I pulled it up on You Tube, yet I found myself understanding the lyrics—though I must admit that they are very strong. I appreciate the honesty of the words and the fact that the raw emotions of pain and hurt aren’t just magically resolved. I found myself in the middle of someone else’s journey…just as I find myself in the middle of mine.

One particular lyric has been stuck in my mind since yesterday. It very simply says, “[I] can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should.” I find this line so powerful—so true—and such a vivid statement of the battle between living for self (through Christ) and others (of the world).

So often, I think, we know what’s best for ourselves. We know our boundaries and limitations. We know where God is leading. Yet outside pressure and expectation leads us to second guess ourselves and feel as if we are not “right” or “good enough” or doing our best. Granted, sometimes we do get stuck in a place where we need outside help. God knows that I’d be in a big mess without outside help! But sometimes, I think, we know what we need to do. We know what we can and cannot handle. We know the grace we are capable of extending. Yet the fear of disappointing others or being talked about in a negative way pushes us beyond what’s safe…and the result, I think, too often leads to hurt.

If I’m honest, then I must admit that I’m struggling to be at peace “in the waiting.” I, Deanna, am okay not knowing where I’m going (though it is somewhat unsettling), yet I feel like I’m doing something wrong by not actively seeking new employment opportunities. Why do I feel this way? Because of what I think the world thinks I should be doing. The world says it’s not okay for a 35-year-old college graduate to be unemployed. The world says it’s not okay for a Masters Degree graduate to not be contributing to a retirement account because she has no income to contribute. The world says it’s not okay for a grown child to live at home. And yet. Here I am. Living at home. With two degrees. No job. No clear direction. And doing a pretty poor job of waiting…not because I’m incapable of waiting—I am—and I'm okay with it--but because I feel like I’m being looked down upon for not immediately finding a new job. The thing is? I don’t just want a job. I want a calling. And I believe that God is calling…

Oh God. Help me to live as you would have me live and not how I perceive the world demanding that I live. Help me to find the joy in what surrounds me now because I know that joy—and grace—and healing—abound. Amen.

And now…to answer my thankful questions of the past couple of days:

What is one thing about Fridays for which you are particularly thankful? That Fridays are the days when my grandmother gets her hair done, and I know that the guaranteed human interaction is something that makes her happy.

What vacation destination are you particularly thankful exists? Asheville, NC (and pretty much any town in the mountains).

What is one song for which you are particularly thankful? “Growing Young” by Rich Mullins. Since before discovering that this song was written as a take on the story of the prodigal son, I have loved it. The lyrics speak to me—especially, “I’ve been broken now and I’ve been saved. I’ve learned to cry and I’ve learned how to pray. And I’m learning even I can be changed”—and the concept of growing young in the Kingdom of God as we grow old in this world is beautiful to me.

Who are the Veterans in your family for which you are grateful? Granddaddy Deaton (Dan Deaton, Sr.), G-Daddy (Virgil Kidd), Uncle Paul (Paul Johnson), and Dad (Dan Deaton, Jr.). I also have other extended family members who have served through the years…and I am grateful for their sacrifice and service.

Today's Journey To The Thrift Store

If we’d have had a video camera at our house today, then we may have filmed the winning clip for America’s Funniest Home Videos. The clip would have gone like this (in fast speed to make it through extra time):

Dad getting a back massage chair cushion out of the closet to give away. Dad beginning to doubt his decision to give the cushion away so hooking it up to try it. Dad declaring, “I don’t know. We’d better keep this.” Dad debating, “I don’t know. I don’t know if we need to keep it or not.” Dad putting the back massage cushion in the car to give away.

Mom choosing a random game to give away because that’s how dad chooses his items—just whatever strikes his fancy at the moment.

Dad searching the garage for things that strike his fancy. Dad finding an ice cream machine and a green Stanley cooler and putting them in the car to give away.

Mom going to the car and seeing the ice cream machine in the car and saying, “Danny. I don’t know why you keep trying to give away this ice cream machine. I think it could be a really good machine for us if we’d just use it.”

Dee going to the car and seeing the Stanley cooler and saying, “Hmm. We might should keep that cooler. I used it toward the end of my time in SC and it’s a good little cooler…Dad, I think I’m going to keep the cooler. But we can get rid of this lunchbox.”

Dee putting the lunch box in the car and returning the cooler to its original spot in the garage while Mom returns the ice cream maker to its spot and replaces it with a baby chair and steam cleaning machine. All the while, Dad is waiting simply to pull his car into the garage so that he can close the garage door.

By this point, it may be obvious that it’s hard for the Deatons to get rid of things: there could be a time in the future when the items could be used! But, we did manage to take a car load of items to the thrift store today…including the back massage cushion …

Now…for my thoughts of thankfulness since Monday:

Who is an American hero, past or present, living or dead, famous or not famous, for whose life or story you are particularly thankful? Harriet Tubman. When I was teaching, I loved to teach about Harriet Tubman and the Underground Railroad. I am inspired by her life and courage, and I like her nickname, “The Moses of Her People.” I like how she guided persons to freedom.

What is one thing about Wednesdays for which you are thankful? It’s the middle of the work week and often where the light begins to show at the end of the tunnel.

What is one thing about Thursdays for which you are thankful? Currently, I’m thankful for the memories of Thursday being bowling night for the past three years. I really enjoyed my time at AMF Park Lanes in Cayce, and who knows: maybe I’ll join a bowling league in NC sometime in the future. Fish and Burb certainly would rather be used than just sit in their bag with stinky shoes!

The Thankful Thing

November began and a whole bunch of people started being thankful. Since I didn’t want to miss the thankful train, I decided to be thankful, too.

Starting this past Saturday, I began asking “thankful” questions on my Facebook status. My plan is to continue asking “thankful” questions throughout the month of November, hopefully exploring some of the often unnamed things for which we are grateful.

I got this idea from the book, “God Speaks Your Love Language: How To Feel and Reflect God’s Love.” In one of the chapters in this book (or sections of a chapter—I can’t remember which because I listened it), Gary Chapman gives ideas for more deeply experiencing God through the individual love languages. When it comes to gifts, he suggests taking the time to specifically thank God for everything—down to the chair on which you’re sitting and the computer on which you are reading. When we begin to see the things around us as gifts—no matter how small those things are—then we begin to see the world through grateful eyes.

And so…November will be a month during which I attempt to ask questions that will guide us to think about the things for which we’re grateful, things both great and small, and I hope you’ll participate in this attempt…not just because being thankful is the cool thing to do but because I think it will be good for our souls.

Now, to voice my answers to the past few days’ questions:

1) What is one thing about Saturdays for which you are grateful? The opportunity to sleep late (when I’m not up to go to one of my kids’ sports games!).

2) What is one thing about your church, or a church in your area, for which you are especially thankful? Stained glass windows.

3) What is one thing about Mondays for which you are thankful? Currently…being able to watch Dancing With The Stars.

God…I really am thankful…and not just in November. Amen.

Irrational Love

I must confess that I’m not the world’s greatest quiet timer. For as long as I can remember, I’ve heard about the importance of a daily quiet time and I believe that it’s true. Yet still, I struggle. I pray throughout the day everyday—and especially at night as I’m winding down to sleep. I listen for God in silence. I pay attention to where God is especially present in the people, places, and events around me—particularly the music and stories that I hear. Being in tune with and living out the characteristics of the Divine is the single most important purpose of my life. Yet. I’m not the world’s greatest quiet timer, even though I am currently in a season during which I’m reading a devotional book each night.

Last night, as I was reading the October 31st entry from Reflections for Ragamuffins by Brennan Manning, I found myself hearing the exact message I needed to hear. Here’s what it said:

You cannot apply human logic or justice to Yahweh. Human logic is based on human experience and human nature. Yahweh does not conform to this kind of order. If Israel is unfaithful, God remains faithful. This Being of Revelation remains faithful against all logic and all limits of justice because He Is and is unchanging. It is only this note of love that clarifies the happy irrationality of God’s conduct and his persistence. Love tends to be a bit irrational. It pursues despite infidelity; it blossoms into envy, jealousy, anger—frantic anger, which betrays keep interest. The notion of love not only gives a fuller notion of divine nature, but by blossoming into other notions of passion, wrath, and eagerness, it widens our notion of God. The more complex and emotional the image of God becomes in the Bible, the bigger he grows and, paradoxically, the more we approach the mystery of his indefinability.

Psalm 53:2 says, “God looks down from heaven on the sons (and daughters) of men to see if there are any who understand, any who seek God.”

I hope that when God looks at me God sees someone who seeks to understand the Divine—who seeks to understand the depth of God’s faithfulness, patience, persistence, forgiveness, unchanging grace, and steady love…because sometimes I want to give up…sometimes I want to throw in the towel and give up on humanity…but then I think of the irrationality of God’s love, take a deep, life-giving breath, and go forward in the paradox and mystery that is Love…that is for us ragamuffins of faith.