When I first moved to Columbia, the radio at Mary’s house (where I first lived) was set to the Christian music station. Even though they play the same songs over and over again, I got used to the morning show and have listened to it ever since—subconsciously learning the words to a whole bunch of songs that I otherwise would not know.
So there I was singing, “It’s more like falling in love than something to believe in. More like losing my heart than giving my allegiance. Caught up, called out, come take a look at me now. It's like I'm falling, oh, It's like I'm falling in love,” when I suddenly thought, “Wait a minute. No it’s not. Let me listen to more words.” So I did. And I thought, “I don’t really agree with the words to this song…” but I kept singing anyway because the chorus is catchy.
I think the point of the song is that religion alone does not sustain us—that we must have a relationship with God in order to live a life devoted to God and God’s redemptive work through Christ—and I can agree with that point. We will fail religious doctrine—we will cross inappropriate lines, misuse words, break obligations, abandon creeds, and just flat out goof. If doing everything right by doing nothing wrong is our ultimate goal, then we’ll never achieve our goal. However, if feeling as if we’re in love with God and on an emotional and spiritual high all the time is our ultimate goal, then we’ll never achieve that goal either. God does move in powerful ways at various times in our lives, but mostly, I think, God is just quietly with us, day in and day out, guiding us and working with us as we seek to live into our understanding of who God has made us to be and how we can best share and live God’s message of love and redemption in this world.
There have been many times when I haven’t been able to feel God. I knew God was with me. I knew God loved me. But I couldn’t understand God. I couldn’t understand life. And I couldn’t feel anything other than the hurt and sadness that surrounded my heart. I don’t know about you, but if I don’t feel something when I’m falling in love—if I don’t understand it and coast on it in a state of elated bliss—then I think twice about how I’m falling. If, after long enough, I don’t feel anything in return, then I begin to walk away and toward another love. If, however, I believe in the love—if I believe in where it’s been and where it’s going and I’ve committed to seeing it through and there’s nothing fundamentally wrong or unhealthy about the love—then I will stay—because I believe in something more than the warm fuzzy feelings and elated laughter and tears of joy that I feel in that initial period of falling in love.
In those times when I can’t feel God, it’s not because I’m not trying. It’s not because my life is racked with sin. It’s not because I’m doing anything wrong. I pray. I read. I write. I keep seek. I try to stay grounded by Christian community. I ask for spiritual direction. I sit in silence. I talk to God all day, every day—sometimes even praying for characters in books I’m reading!—and I know that God is with me. I know that I am loved. But it’s not because of a feeling. It’s because of a quiet, gentle presence that is steadily living, moving, and breathing into my life… even when I cannot see or hear or feel or understand.
Yesterday, a friend of mine posted one simple word: Balance. I jokingly responded with the word: Beam. But in all actuality, I thought, “Yes. Balance. Balance is what we need so desperately in this world.” And balance is what we need in faith, too. Like I said, I agree that religion cannot sustain us. But I also believe that relationship based off of feeling alone cannot sustain us either…and I fear that too many of us are relying on our emotions these days—on our feelings—and that we’re doing the body of Christ damage to the body of Christ. As I finish my Cookie Mocha Frappuccino lite, I liken feeling-based relationship to living solely off of caffeine and sugar. It’s really good while it lasts…but what happens when it wears off? What happens is that we must keep eating vegetables and fruits and proteins to sustain us every day and allow Starbucks to be a special treat.
Chances are good that I’ll sing along the next time I hear, “It’s More Like Falling In Love.” Thanks to the Christian music station, the lyrics and melody are firmly planted in my mind. But chances are good, too, that I’ll think twice about what I’m singing and possibly even change the words to more accurately reflect my belief.
What about you? What do you believe? And have you heard a song lately that made you stop and question the words—Christian or not?
[What is Christian music anyway? If being a Christian means being a conscious follower of Christ, then how can music itself consciously choose to follow Christ since it doesn’t have a brain? Shouldn’t it be music written by Christians instead of Christian music? And can’t music written by Christians be music that doesn’t make it to the Christian radio station? And how did the radio station become Christian if it doesn’t have a brain? Isn’t it a radio station managed by Christians? Isn’t Christian a noun instead of an adjective? But that…that’s another note…thanks to another friend who posted a blog by Derek Webb :-).]
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