Pornography: A Brief Follow-Up

I wanted to post a brief follow-up to yesterday's note on pornography.

As I was writing my note yesterday, I projected that I might receive some negative responses. I knew that some readers might think that pornography itself wasn't the issue in any of my stories but that pornography was just a presenting symptom of something more. I also knew that some readers might think that the often conservative view of sex taught by much of Christianity might be at the root of an unhealthy sense of guilt when it comes to issues of sexuality. Sure enough, both of those concerns were raised.

Here is a compilation of the concerns that were raised:

Maybe I shouldn't say anything, but I don't think that pornorgraphy had anything to do with those stories. I'm probably generalizing, but I think the bigger issue was addictive personailites. If it wasnt porn, then they would have focused on something else. There are millions of people who watch porn without harming others. The real problem, though, is religion and the idea that sex has to do with morals. Sex is a natural part of life but it has all this unnecessary guilt assigned with it--especially for women. There is an unjust stigma that it's okay for guys to have tons of sex but that the more sex a female has, the worse she is.

Here is a compilation of my responses (and realize that these were raw responses--not highly edited and polished like yesterday's note--and not even full responses to all of the issues raised):

You are right. I did think that someone would realize that more was going on in all of the stories than solely pornography use...which is part of the awareness that I was trying to raise when writing the stories. Nothing is ever single-faceted. Everyone has a plethora of issues that we work through and deal with in life...but I think that some ways of dealing with those issues are way more healthy than others--and anything that we do that separates or pushes us farther away from our partners, or that encourages abuse, false stereotypes, and unrealistic expectations of appearance, desire, and performance is harmful.

I did put one story in there that didn't have anything to do with addiction, though--or anything to do with religion, really: The couple who learned/realized that a majority of porn is produced with victims of human trafficking. Their conscience got to them on that one--knowing that the people that they were watching might have been forced to do what they were doing rather than doing it by will. I'm learning that there is a fine line between pure entertainment/pleasure and entertainment/pleasure at the cost of another human life...and unfortunately, entertainment/pleasure at the cost of another human life seems to be becoming more normal.

So...yes...again you're right...there's more to watching porn than just the watching. And, as you said, there are probably many people who watch porn without directly harming others. BUT. What I'm learning is that if we watch porn that is being filmed by people and companies who are holding individuals captive (physically or emotionally) to film it...or if we're watching porn that is making girls look younger and younger and enticing us to try what we see (just as commercials entice us to try the products that they are promoting)...or if we're seeing sexual ideas that we want to try but that our partners are not ready to try and so we're left with sexual desire that creates a schism between the relationship and sometimes pushes us to act outside of our relationships...then we're making trafficking girls for sex more and more necessary because of demand...and demand drives everything these days...so, well, we really ARE harming people...it's just not an immediate harm or one that we necessarily see. We're being part of what drives a larger machine that's damaging and abusing millions of children, young girls, and women. We're feeding a machine that encourages men to pay to have sex with four year olds...and fourteen year olds...and seventeen year olds...which, yes, the latter two are often sexually developed but their brains and ability to truly understand the consequences of their actions are not developed until their early 20s...and that, therefore, is rape.

I don't know. Sometimes it seems like the world is spinning out of control and that there is so much hurt that it's palpable. And while I will agree that religion is part of the problem, I don't think it's all of it...because I think that religion does some good things, too...especially when it teaches love and respect and life that is life-affirming and life-giving and life-honoring not only to self but to all others around it. When I get overwhelmed with exploitation and trafficking information--or the stories of my life and friends that are full of sadness and hurt and abuse--and when I begin to wonder where God is and how a loving God could allow such hurt and pain--and when I start to wonder about the meaning of it all--I just have to sit back and breathe and try to believe in love...in journey...in "we" and "us"...in a beautiful creation that was created by a Creator who is still creating everything that is good and beautiful and right and wonderful...and if I'm wrong about this God that I believe in...well...at least I have the hope that I'm working to create good alongside the One that I really do love--deep down--in my core--even when I do not understand...which, well, is a lot these days...