On our way down to Florida, my dad asked me about the most spiritual moment of my year. I mentioned a few times of leading worship and watching my panelists help at Carolina Girls. Upon further reflection, though, I think that this was my most spiritual moment of the year:
A couple of weeks ago, I had a full breakdown—you know, the kind where you’re not making much sense but you’re talking uncontrollably as tears fall from your eyes and down your face so hard that you cannot see straight and your nose is running and your face is red and puffy and you’re generally just all out of whack and the friend who is with you has absolutely no idea what to say or do and so she just listens and does her best to be a steady presence for you.
This breakdown was brought on by work—by the feeling that I don’t do a good job at my job—wondering if the time and effort that I put into the Facebook pages is worth it—if anyone reads the notes, if the statuses and questions make anyone think, if anything that I do is helping anyone grow spiritually—feeling like I am a bad WMU-er because I don’t do WMU things in traditional ways.
After about thirty minutes, when the tears subsided, I came to the conclusion that, regardless of known impact, I had to keep doing what I was doing—following God’s guidance to the best of my ability—trusting that something was happening even when I could not see…
In a parallel life, during the same moments of my breakdown, a dear, beautiful woman, was writing me an e-mail. This is what she said:
Hi Deanna,
I hope you had great fun with your nephews -- sounds like they really like their Aunt D. Now -- the real reason for this message.
As I reflect back over this year, I've seen you continue to grow in so many ways. Your writings almost always give me something to think about, laugh about and sometimes even cry over. Thank you for that. I don't always comment, but I hold things close to my heart. Thank you for allowing the Father to work in and through you.
I am so grateful that WMU found you or you found us -- I am even more grateful that we are friends and colleagues.
Merry Christmas to you and all your family.
I wish for you many Hope-filled moments!
Much love and appreciation…
I am speechless now like I was speechless then. In a time when I was looking for God, God was all around me. God was with me in the tears and God was with me in the steady presence of a friend and God was with me in the words that came from the heart of one of the women that I respect most in this world.
God, thank you for making yourself known to me…and God help me to be a steady presence and to speak words of hope and encouragement into the lives of those around me precisely in the moments that they need them most.
----------
What about you? What were the most spiritual moments of your year?
No comments:
Post a Comment