Nosebleeds

 

My nose has been bleeding a lot lately. 

The weather changes and the dry air have combined to make daily nosebleeds a reality. 

It’s okay. 

It doesn’t freak me out. 

I’m a lifelong nose bleeder. 

My mom and my sister are too. 

When it starts, 

I just get tissue, apply pressure to the nose, and wait for it to stop. 

No big deal. 

Unless you’re leading worship and all eyes are on you. 

Then it might be a big deal. 

 

Such was my fear this past Sunday morning. 

I wasn’t sure how I was going to handle it if my nose started bleeding in the middle of the service. 

And to make matters worse,

I knew that my sermon was going to be evaluated by my peers in my preaching class

So I was even more worried that something would go wrong.

 

Thankfully, my fears did not come true

During the service. 

But you know what happened on my way home? 

Yep. 

My nose bled. 

 

I think what worried me the most was knowing that I was being filmed.

A nosebleed at home is not filmed.

A nosebleed in my classroom is not filmed.

A nosebleed in my car is not filmed.

But a nosebleed in the middle of a service that is live-streamed every week is filmed.

It is broadcast for the world to see from now until who knows when.

People were watching live. 

People will watch again on a delay. 

To see a regular service is one thing. 

To see a nosebleed is another. 

It freaks some people out! 

And I didn’t want to be the person who freaked people out. 

I didn’t want to be the person known for creating an awkward pause of worry in worship. 

 

Like I said, 

My fears didn’t come true during Sunday’s service 

And I am grateful. 

But my worry put me in touch with my pride. 

Yes, my pride was mixed with humility and the genuine desire not to disrupt worship. 

But my pride made me concerned about how I’d look

And I didn’t want to look stupid. 

Especially on film,

Especially when being critiqued. 

 

I know. 

This is normal. 

And I’m not beating myself. 

I’m just confessing my humanity in a way that I hope will connect with yours. 

 

Because, friends, we are all human. 

We all have fears. 

We all have hopes. 

We all want to be liked and appreciated. 

We all want to look like we have it together. 

We all struggle with pride and 

Many of us have nosebleeds that we don’t want filmed for the world to see. 

 

Yes, we are all human. 

So let’s treat each other as such. 

Especially now when it is so easy to hate. 

Especially now when not only the weather is cold 

But also attitudes and hearts. 

 

Amen.