Ministry-Sized Hole

 If you’ve known me for awhile,

Then you know that I am an ordained Baptist minister

Who once thought herself called to full-time vocational ministry.

 

I have two graduate degrees:

A Master of Divinity in Christian Education and a Master of School Administration.

If I were to get another degree, I would most likely pursue a Doctorate of Ministry,

But unfortunately, I haven’t found a program compatible with my life as a public-school music teacher because

I’m technically not “in the ministry,” and

My schedule is not set up for day-time school.

 

Yet there is a constant yearning—

A ministry-sized hole that longs to be filled.

I often wonder what I’m doing with my life,

Spending my days with snotty-nosed kids who don’t know how to tie their shoes or

Stinky kids who haven’t yet figured out that they need deodorant.

I often hear echoes of voices telling me that I’m “wasting my gifts” and that

I could be “doing so much more.”

 

…

 

I didn’t want to go to church yesterday.

Sometimes, when church is over 30 minutes away,

One just doesn’t feel like making the drive.

But I did.

And the Holy Spirit completely, totally, 100% unexpectedly showed up and poured certainty into my ministry-sized hole.

 

Pastor Ann’s sermon was not about vocational call.

She spoke about that a few weeks ago.

I was moved by the notion that all vocations are called to share the love and grace of Jesus Christ.

But even then, the ministry-sized hole gaped open.

 

Then yesterday, while preaching a sermon about “The Good Life,”

Pastor Ann briefly mentioned something about ministering to children.

Tears formed in my eyes.

I quickly pulled myself together, though, because the statement was passing and not the focus of her sermon.

A few minutes later, in total context of what she was preaching, Pastor Ann asked how we would feel if Jesus looked at us, like he did Peter, and said, “Get behind me Satan.”

Tears swelled in my eyes as my gut reacted to the statement and

I knew that I never wanted to hear Jesus say those words to me.

Then, as Pastor Ann was ending her sermon, she once again mentioned something about children,

And at that point I couldn’t contain the tears.

They rolled down my face.

I was hearing the words I never wanted to hear yet they were revolutionizing my life:

Get behind me voices telling me that I’m wasting my life.

Get behind me voices telling me I could be doing so much more.

Get behind me Satan.

 

I, Deanna Deaton, am called to be a public-school music teacher for such a time as this.

And there is nothing more important that I could be doing.

 

God has a way of moving when we least expect it.

God has a way of planting us exactly where we need to be.

God has a way of commanding evil to get behind the cross.

And God has a way of speaking fullness into the gaping holes of our hearts...

 

Amen.