Emmaus and ENT

 With as many women’s retreats as I’ve designed and led,

You’d think that I wouldn’t be anxious.

The Emmaus Walk is pre-designed.

It’s already laid out.

It’s being led by a whole team of people.

I’ll be serving as one of the spiritual leaders and musicians on the retreat,

But I’m not in charge.

It’s not all on me.

There are many, many people praying for us.

Yet I’m anxious.

And nervous.

Because it’s unknown.

 

Isn’t that how much of life is, though?

We fear the unknown because, well, it’s unknown?

And we stick with what we know,

Even if it’s not good for us,

Because, well, it’s known?

 

For the past few years, I’ve noticed that my singing voice has become increasingly more limited.

While I used to be able to sing up to a high A,

I can now barely sing the C above middle C.

I have feared vocal cord damage for some time,

But I have feared, even more, going to a doctor who could tell me yeh or neh.

 

Two weeks ago, while trying to teach my students how to sing in their head voice,

I realized how limited my voice had become.

I was very sad.

I spoke with my doctor.

She recommended that I go to an ENT.

I have an appointment next week,

Two days after the Emmaus Walk ends.

 

I’m anxious about that, too.

 

Is God with me?

Yes.

Will the retreat be good?

Yes.

Will insight from an ENT be helpful—

Even if it means a procedure to fix nodes or nodules or anything else that might be going on?

Yes.

 

But still, in the middle of fear of the unknown,

Mixed with a bit of excitement and curiosity,

Is where I sit right now.

 

God: Thank you for sitting with me—for sitting with all of us experiencing fears, uncertainties, and anxieties—however “big” or “small” they may seem. I pray your surrounding love, joy, and courage today and every day. For me and for all those reading these words. We love you. So much. Amen.