Anticipatory Grief

 I have a friend whose best friend, Mary, died from cancer last week.

 

Mary had been showing signs of decline for the past few weeks, so my friend knew that the time was coming when Mary would pass.

 

My friend began grieving Mary’s loss as soon as she found out that she was dying.

 

She has been sad for months.

 

More recently, she became so anxious that she made herself sick.

 

Every phone call. Every text. Every e-mail. She dreaded and lived in fear of the moment when she would find out that Mary was gone.

 

Then it happened.

 

Mary’s husband called my friend and told her that Mary had passed.

 

Ever since that moment, my friend has felt a sense of relief.

 

The fear and anxiety have left her body and a different stage of grief has begun.

 

It’s hard. She’s very sad. But she feels like a weight has been lifted because she’s not living in the uncertain waiting anymore.

 

The uncertain waiting is a hard place to be.

 

Yet I have a feeling that it’s where so many of us are right now—not necessarily with death and dying, but with life.

 

So take courage, friend. You are not alone.

 

I cannot predict how your story will end, but I know that your uncertain waiting will one day be over and that you will make it to the other side—whatever that other side may be.

 

Dear God: Fear and anxiety have a way of controlling us when we are in periods of uncertain waiting. Help us through those fears and worries by providing us with moments of strength and peace to sustain us. You have promised to be with us always, even in the waiting—maybe especially in the waiting. Thank you. Amen.