Showing Love This Holiday Season

A few weeks ago, we had an after-school gathering that was open to everyone on staff. We have around 70 people on staff. 4 of us showed up.

 

For some, this lack of attendance would signify a failed event. For me, the event was perfect because it allowed me to get to know the other three teachers in a more intimate way. We sat and chatted for at least an hour, and in that hour, we talked about both serious and silly things. We laughed a lot and learned a lot, and in so many ways that laughter was healing.

 

When it came time to leave, without thinking about it, I opened my arms and went in for the hug with one of my colleagues. Only after I’d started the process did I realize that I didn’t know if she was a hugger or if my actions would make her uncomfortable. Thankfully, she hugged me back, but I quickly confessed, “I’m a hugger. I usually rein it in at school, though, because I know that not everyone is a hugger.” I then asked my other two colleagues if they were huggers before hugging them.

 

A few years ago, one of my dearest friends taught me a valuable lesson: Not everyone likes to hug! For someone whose secondary love language is physical touch, this was a preposterous thought to me! But it’s true. For various reasons, some people don’t like to be touched. So now I try to respect boundaries before going in for the hug. As strange as it seems, respecting people’s boundaries and NOT hugging them without permission is one simple way that I can show love.

 

As the holidays have approached, I’ve been thinking about ways to show my love for the people in my life. Most of you have probably heard of The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. In case you haven’t heard, though, the Five Love Languages are: 1) Words of Affirmation, 2) Physical Touch, 3) Quality Time (focused, dedicated time for one person), 4) Gifts (including the gift of time, which is more about offering your time to someone than it is about the quality of that time), and 5) Acts of Service. Chapman’s idea is that each of us has preferred ways of both giving and receiving love, and sometimes those ways differ even within ourselves.

 

This holiday season, consider The Five Love Languages as you give and receive. Would someone in your life prefer sincerely written words of affirmation with a generic gift card just as much as or more than an expensive, hand-picked trinket? Would someone in your life prefer that you make an intentional date with them once a month just as much as or more than anything you could buy? Would someone in your life prefer you to come up with a thoughtful trinket just as much or more than giving them a coupon to clean out their car once a quarter? Would someone in your life appreciate hugs?

 

You get the idea. Different people appreciate different things. And yet. To be fully loved, we need all the things…both given and received.

 

Dear God: Help us to be intentional about gifts this holiday season. Give us creativity to come up with meaningful gifts for those we love and give us the ability to respect people’s boundaries all year round. You are the greatest gift, and we thank you for being the ultimate example of Love. Amen.

Giving Thanks

November is Native American History Month. As such, I spend the month focusing on Native American History, Music, and Culture with my 3^rd-5^th grade students. At the end of the unit, we read “Giving Thanks: A Native American Good Morning Message” and talk about specific things for which we are grateful. Afterwards, we make a word cloud of thanksgiving for our classroom teachers. The word clouds mean so much.

 

The text of “Giving Thanks” has been adapted from Mohawk tradition. It is very descriptive, beautifully written, and full of thanks. It reads:

 

To be a human being is an honor, and we offer thanksgiving for all the gifts of life.

Mother Earth, we thank you for giving us everything we need.

Thank you, deep blue waters around Mother Earth, for you are the force that takes thirst away from all living things.

We give thanks to green grasses that feel so good against our bare feet, for the cool beauty you bring to Mother Earth’s floor.

Thank you, good foods from Mother Earth, our life sustainers, for making us happy when we are hungry.

Fruits and berries, we thank you for your color and sweetness.

We are thankful to good medicine herbs, for healing us when we are sick.

Thank you, all the animals in the world, for keeping our precious forests clean.

All the trees in the world, we are thankful for the shade and warmth you give us.

Thank you, all the birds in the world, for singing your beautiful songs for all to enjoy.

We give thanks to you, gentle Four Winds, for bringing clean air for us to breathe from the four directions.

Thank you, Grandmother Thunder Beings, for bringing rains to help all living things grow.

Elder Brother Sun, we send thanks for shining your light and warming Mother Earth.

Thank you, Grandmother Moon, for growing full every month to light the darkness for children and sparkling waters.

We give you thanks, twinkling stars, for making the night sky so beautiful and for sprinkling morning dew drops on the plants.

Spirit Protectors of our past and present, we thank you for showing us ways to live in peace and harmony with one another.

And most of all, thank you, Great Spirit, for giving us all these wonderful gifts, so we will be happy and healthy every day and every night.

 

--Chief Jake Swamp, Mohawk Nation

 

In Mohawk tradition, children are taught this thanksgiving. In so learning, they are taught to greet the world each morning by saying thank you to all living things. Can you imagine how much different this world would be if we did the same?

 

Dear God: You are the Creator of Mother Earth. You have entrusted her to our care and you have granted us the benefits of all her beauty. During this season of thanksgiving, may we truly be grateful for every good gift and may our gratefulness turn to being good stewards of all you have given. Thank you. Amen.

Sitting Through The Hurt

Last week during a 1^st grade class,

A student got poked in the eye.

He cried.

The boys around him,

Including the boy who did the accidental poking,

Felt terrible for him.

They both tried talking to the boy.

When that didn’t stop his crying,

They both came to my desk to tell me that the boy was hurt.

When that didn’t stop the crying,  

They both broke chair protocol,

Scooted their chairs closer to the boy,

Rested their hands on his back,

And gently patted his back until he stopped crying and returned to class.

Their act of kindness was so genuine that it touched me.

 

When I look around,

I see people hurting.

The pandemic is hard.

Holidays are hard.

Life is hard.

 

And when I listen,

I hear non-stop words—

But too often those words are

Powerless and empty.

 

So may we be a people who break protocol if we must,

Scoot our chairs closer to those around us,

Place our hands on backs,

And sit with one another through the

Sadness, loneliness, heartache, loss, transition, grief, or pain.

 

Sometimes there are no words.

Sometimes, it really is presence that matters.  

 

May we be present today

And every day.

 

Amen.

The Beauty of Fall

Me: Well, hey! How are you?

 

Grandmother in the car rider line: I’m doing just fine. I’m enjoying this nice weather and the beautiful colors of the trees.

 

Me: I know. It really is gorgeous.

 

Grandmother in the car rider line: Do you think there are people who just don’t notice?

 

Me: I hope not.

 

And I really do hope not.

 

I hope that there aren’t people who are so busy that they don’t notice just how vivid are the colors of fall. I hope that there aren’t people who are so self-focused that they fail to notice golden sun or shimmering moon shining onto this earth. I hope that there aren’t people who are so jaded by religion that they can’t see the spirituality in nature. I hope. But I know these hopes are in vain.

 

Oh God: Open our eyes that we may see the beauty that surrounds us. Open our ears that we may hear birdsongs of praise. Open our hearts that we may feel your spirit in the gentle winds. For you are Creator God and we love you. Amen.

Hope

*Trigger Warning: Labor, miscarriage, and stillbirth*

 

Yesterday at church, my pastor asked the question: What does hope look like to you?

 

She presented answers that friends had given via Facebook, and she talked of the hope given by Jesus and the prophets. She built on Jesus’ metaphor of the hope of pregnancy—the promise of new life after the pains of birth…

 

And yet all I could think is that life is not promised from pregnancy. There are miscarriages. And still births. There are mothers who die during delivery. There are fathers who never make it home to see their child. There are dreams shattered. And hopes crushed.

 

According to the dictionary, hope is “a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.” According to me, these days, hope is either small, like a cat waiting for her food or toys, or big, like a contestant on a reality show waiting to find out if she has made it through to the next round. Put into words, the latter is longing and wishing coupled with anxiety and fear.

 

Maybe Jesus understood this definition of big hope. Jesus certainly understood about women and children dying during childbirth. He knew of the joys and pains of labor and delivery. So maybe he chose the metaphor of childbirth because it couples hope with cautious anxiety. And maybe Jesus knew that human hope is often met with human fear…

 

Dear God: Help us to hold to hope even when it is coupled with anxiety and fear. May feelings of expectation and longing guide us through our days and may those feelings push us through even the darkest times. For you ARE hope and ultimately you have overcome all fear. Amen. 

A Veteran's Day Reminder

Just before the 11^th hour of the 11^th day of the 11^th month of 2021,

I received an important lesson.

 

I was standing outside the gate of the Veterans Memorial in Broadway

When I noticed two vases of roses sitting on a table.

Distracted by how many people were at what I wrongly assumed would be a small event,

I didn’t read what the note said with the vases.

Again, I made a wrong assumption.

I figured that the roses were for sale to raise money for a Veterans cause.

I had no money with me,

So I didn’t entertain thoughts of buying one.

Instead, I stood there overwhelmed by the number of people surrounding me

And wondered where I should stand for the duration of the ceremony.

 

Then it happened.

A man,

A veteran,

Offered me a rose.

I said, “No, thank you.”

He said, “Are you sure?”

I said, “Yes. I don’t need one.”

Then he said, “Yes. You do. Please. Take this rose offered to you by an old man.

It would make this Veteran happy.”

So I took the rose.

 

I felt about an inch high.

 

I’d become so jaded by a society

That too often comes with strings attached,

That I quietly insulted a man who offered his life in service to that very society

That more often hurls insults in his face

Than says, “Thank you.”

 

God: For the men and women who chose (and still choose) to serve a cause bigger than themselves, thank you. For those remembered and those forgotten, thank you. Forgive us when we do not properly honor those who have gone before us and humble us to receive the blessings that their lives still offer. Help us to give, God. And help us to receive. With no wrong assumptions. And no strings attached. Amen.

Tears Are Water Is Life

Yesterday, as part of the Thanksgiving for Baptism on All Saints Day, we read:

 

“…We give you thanks, O God, for the waters of life;

For water to bathe in and water to drink,

For water to play in and water that inspires wonder,

For water that gives life to our planet.

We give you thanks, O God, for the waters of life…

 

We give you thanks for your salvation through water:

For delivering Noah and his family through the floodwaters,

For leading your people Israel through the sea into freedom,

For preserving your prophet Elijah through the time of drought,

For guiding your people across the Jordan into a new land,

For quenching the Samaritan woman’s thirst with living water.

We give you thanks for your salvation through water.”

 

Then, later in the service, as part of the Gospel reading, we read:

“Jesus began to weep.”

 

Tears.

Water.

Flowing down Jesus’ face.

Tears.

Water.

That moved Jesus to Lazarus’s tomb and caused him to bring forth Lazarus from the grave.

Tears.

Water.

That brought the dead to life.

Tears.

Water.

That brings salvation to us.

 

So go on and cry if you need to, friend.

Let the healing waters flow.

Let God’s salvation that saved Noah and Israel and Elijah and God’s people and the Samaritan woman and Lazarus

Save you, too.

Tears

(are)

Water

(is)

Life.

 

Amen.

Tired

I went to Waffle House for dinner with a friend last night.

What can I say?

I like the All-Star Special.

 

When the waitress came to take our order,

She said, “Can I sit down with ya’ll for a minute while you decide what you want?

I’m so tired.”

 

I said, “Has it been a long day?”

 

She said, “It’s been a long two weeks.

I’ve worked two weeks straight with no day off.

And last week was my birthday,

My mom actually came down from Maryland to surprise me.

My back was turned to the door when she walked in,

And when I saw her,

Everyone was wondering what in the world was going on.”

 

She went on to take our order,

And then tended to every table, the bar, and the check-out line in the Waffle House.

She and one cook were the only people working.

 

No wonder she was tired.

 

Tired seems to be a general state of being these days.

There are many reasons for this reality--

Many of which are that too many of us are overworked, underappreciated, and underpaid.

But I don’t want to focus on the root causes of tired today.

 

I simply want to acknowledge that people are, indeed, tired,

And to challenge each one of us,

Myself included,

To remember that fact when we look into the eyes of those we meet.

Maybe we need to connect our spirits with people when we, ourselves, are tired.

Maybe we need to extend grace, patience, and strength when we, thankfully, are filled with

energy beyond ourselves.

 

I also want to challenge us to do what our waitress unknowingly did when we are tired.

She took a little rest when she could.

She stated her truth. 

But then she went on to try to focus on something positive—

Her mother coming to visit for her birthday.

I have no idea why she told us this fact,

But she did,

And it encouraged me:

Try to find something light in the midst of darkness.

Try to find something to give fuel when the tank is running on empty.

 

Dear God, too many of us are running on empty. Too many of us are bone-weary tired. Give us the strength, endurance, and rest that comes only from you and help it to spill over into those we meet. Help us to show kindness. Help us to offer a smile. Help us to call workers by name. Help us to give freely when we have been served well. Help rules and policies that are sucking life from workers to change. Help us to do our part. And help us to all find work that is meaningful and life-giving even in the midst of tired. Amen.

 

The Pieces Fit

I think it’s happened, folks.

I think we’ve met a puzzle that we’re not going to be able to complete.

It’s a cool puzzle—

One that I’d like to add to my orange fish collection.

A friend sent it in the mail after buying it at Five Below.

She saw it while shopping and couldn’t resist picking it up.

I couldn’t resist starting it once we received it.

But now, I’m not so sure that we’re going to finish.

 

You see, the pieces don’t snap together definitively.

One piece might go in four or five different places,

Yet they all look right.

 

For awhile, we could look at the back of the puzzle to tell if the pieces really fit together.

Gradually, though, that method stopped working,

So we’re left with no way of knowing if the work we’re doing is right or wrong—

Until we come to a hole that cannot be filled because there are no pieces of that shape to fill it.

 

At one point, we had 23 pieces left.

And we had 23 holes.

Great!

Except.

The pieces didn’t fit the holes.

 

So out came the solid blue pieces of water

Until we had 48 pieces and holes.

 

And so the work has continued for days.

In and out.

Out and in.

Head down in defeat.

A wave of hope and determination.

Dementors sucking puzzle hope from our spirits.

Another wave of hope and determination.

Walk away in frustration.

And…you get the point.

 

Many years ago, I was introduced to a song called, “The Pieces Fit” by Considering Lily.

 

The song begins, “I was like a jigsaw with pieces missing, square peg, round hole. I’d try to climb ladder but always slipping, high jump short pole. I was stained till he came to cleanse me. I was torn till he came to mend me. It was a match made in heaven from the moment we connected.”

The chorus continues, “His (Jesus’) grace for my shame, His death for my blame, His stripes for my pain, and the pieces fit. His joy for my grief, His hurt my relief, my doubt His belief, and the pieces fit.”

 

Friends: There will be many things that seem to fit in our lives.

There will be many times when we think we’ve gotten it right only to realize we are wrong.

But when we truly understand the love and grace of God through Jesus Christ;

When we truly embrace God’s desire for us to act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with our God;

When we truly hear that Jesus declared the greatest commandment is to love God and the second is to love others as ourselves;

When we truly realize that taking care of children, widows, and the poor really is more important than amassing great fortune,

Then the pieces really do fit.

 

I don’t know if we will be able to finish the puzzle or not.

We may have to raise the white flag of surrender.

Even so, our self-worth is not based on whether or not we can finish the puzzle.

Our self-worth is based on being children of God

Who work and laugh and try and pray and pull others into the fold along the way.

 

Oh God: With you, all things are possible. Even surrender. Help us to know when to keep going and when to let go. And thank you, God, for making the pieces fit. Amen.