Rainbow in the Storm

 

I saw an image a few weeks ago while scrolling through Facebook.

 

I don’t know what drew me in more: The image itself, the words, or the thought that maybe, just maybe, I could paint the image for myself.

 

That happens a lot these days—me thinking that I can paint something.

 

But then, when I sit down to try, I don’t do so well. I need Shauna The Art Teacher to guide me.

 

Yet I was determined to paint this image: A rainbow in the middle of a storm, hope in the middle of darkness.

 

“This storm is making me tired,” said the boy.

“Storms get tired, too,” said the horse, “so hold on.”

 

Hold on.

Keep going.

Keep pushing through.

Know that there is good in the midst of bad.

Know that life doesn’t have to be either or but both and.

Remember.

Especially on this Memorial Day, remember.

The storm may be making you tired.

But storms get tired, too.

So hold on.

Or let go.

Or do both.

There is holding on in letting go.

There is a rainbow in the middle of the storm.

There is hope in the middle of darkness.

Oh God, thank you for hope in the middle of darkness. Amen.

Old Fart

 

I am officially an old fart—the music teacher who isn’t “cool” because she doesn’t listen to today’s popular music and won’t play all of said music for her students to hear.

 

For some reason, I want my students to understand form. I want them to understand that most songs have a pattern and that the pattern is fairly predictable in the music that we hear on the radio—or YouTube, or Spotify, or AmazonMusic, or our playlists, or wherever else we listen to music. I want them to understand that most songs have verses and a chorus (refrain) and that the chorus is the part of the song that we end up singing along with first because the chorus repeats itself over and over again. I point this out in almost all of the music that we listen to, and I hope that by the time they leave 5^th grade, my students have figured it out.

 

So…we test out their knowledge with their favorites. I ask them what their favorite songs are. I vet them. Then we listen to them…unless they are not school appropriate…which…some of them, I believe, aren’t appropriate for anyone—anywhere.

 

Explicit cursing every other word, guns, violence, drugs, alcohol, graphic (sometimes non-consensual) sex acts…I struggle with some of the things that pass for music these days…and I mourn the fact that our children are listening to them. Even if they just like “the beat.” Even if they don’t understand what they are hearing. The music that they listen to is planting itself in their subconscious and will be with them for the rest of their lives. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want songs about a girl not wearing underwear so that a boy has easy access stuck in my head for the rest of my life. [And that thought is fairly clean in comparison to some.]

 

I am an old fart. The music teacher who isn’t “cool” because she doesn’t listen to today’s popular music and won’t play all of said music for her students to hear.

 

Oh God. I have no words to pray. No suggestions. No solutions. Just this lament from an old fart’s heart. Somehow. Some way. Change. Redemption. Protection for our children’s hearts, minds, and souls. Please. Amen.

Retirement Party Conversations

 

I spent Saturday afternoon at a retirement party for a friend.

 

In many ways, the party was like a family reunion—or a time-warp—seeing people from a past life, picking up where we left off, genuinely happy to be in one another’s presence, quickly catching up to present day.

 

While most of the conversations were surface-level—which they often are at a floating gathering with lots of people—a few conversations went very deep.

 

Here are snippets of two actual conversations from the day:

 

“Person One: I don’t understand the purpose of prayer. I do it. I pray all the time. But I don’t understand its purpose.

 

Person Two, thinking: Communion with God?

 

Person One: Hmm…That’s a good thought…But…If, when we pray, we influence God to change God’s mind, then it seems that we have power over God—that the person with the best prayers wins. And that doesn’t seem right. But, if, when we pray, our prayers don’t influence God at all, and God is in “control,” then it seems like we’re just puppets living out what has been pre-ordained for us. And that doesn’t seem right either. 

 

Person Two: There is major tension there, between the two extremes. It can’t be one or the other, it has to be somewhere there in the middle.

 

Person Three to Person Two: You’re a mom, right? You probably have plans for your children? You know what’s best for them and make plans accordingly? But sometimes things don’t go as planned, so you leave wiggle room to change your mind? That seems like how it is with God.

 

Person Two: Yes. But God is unchanging. The same today, yesterday, and tomorrow…”

 

Then someone else joined the conversation and we veered toward another topic.

 

“Person Four: If money weren’t an issue, and I could do anything I wanted to do, I would…[and Person Four continued sharing about her dreams.]

 

Person One: That’s a good question to ask everyone. Person Two, what would you do if money weren’t an issue?

 

Person Two: I don’t know. Looking back, I see that I’ve accomplished a lot of the goals I set out for myself, and now that I’m here, I don’t know where I want to go or what I want to do. I’ve tried to write a five-year plan, but nothing comes. I really don’t know what I’d do.

 

Person One: What about you, Person Three, what would you do if money weren’t an issue?

Person Three: I have no idea. I just try to live in today.”

 

Oh God:

For those who have left their mark on our lives in powerful ways, hear our prayer.

For those who don’t understand the purpose of prayer, hear our prayer.

For those who have a dream but don’t know how to get there, here our prayer.

For those who have forgotten how to dream, hear our prayer.

For those who inspire us to live fully in this day, hear our prayer.

For you are God, and you are big enough for all of it—for all of us—always.

Amen.

Together, Me and You

 

I started singing a new melody on Monday morning that would unfold into my first real song in over a decade.

 

I’d written some event specific songs and some choruses here and there, but I’d not written a full-length song that could make it into my repertoire since 2010.

 

And then it happened.

 

Out of the blue. On my way to work. A melody. Then some lyrics. Then more melody. Then more lyrics. Then the piano part. Over the course of the entire day, bit by bit, piece by piece, a song came together.

 

And it’s the song I want to share with you today.

 

I don’t know where you are on your theological journey—where you’ve come from—what you believe. But I do know that writing down your beliefs as a marker is one of the most invaluable things you can ever do.

 

Here is my marker. Maybe you will find yourself in some of its words. I pray you will today.

 

-----

 

“Together, Me and You”

 

I’m on this road of life

This path to you

This journey with you now

With all its ups and downs

And twists and turns along the way

 

I’ve got more questions now

Than I did then

But that’s okay because you’re big

Enough to handle all the questions

And tension

 

There’s so much that I don’t know

And yet so much that knows me well

There’s so much that I can’t hold

And yet I’m learning to be held

 

You’re the God of all creation,

The beginning and the end

Still creating with us here upon the earth

Through our words and through our actions

We are making all things new

It’s together that we’re in this, me and you

 

I’m surrounded by a

Cloud of witnesses

You’ve sent my way

Some of have left their mark and gone

But some have stayed

 

You are teaching me to

Be present in every

Moment of the day

To feel the joy, the happiness

The sorry, pain

 

There’s so much that I don’t know

And yet so much that knows me well

There’s so much that I can’t hold

And yet I’m learning to be held

 

You’re the God of all creation,

The beginning and the end

Still creating with us here upon the earth

Through our words and through our actions

We are making all things new

It’s together that we’re in this, me and you

Right vs. Left

 

I’ve had a lot of faith questions recently. I’ve been disillusioned by evangelical Christianity (my roots) and its adherence to what seems less like the gospel of Christ and more like the gospel of politics and morality. I’ve been working through my questions in therapy—writing out almost 50 different “Things that I don’t necessarily believe but that I have heard and/or believed at some point in my life and that linger in my psyche” and contrasting them with “Things that I am currently trying to believe but that are sometimes overshadowed by old, lingering beliefs.” If you’ve never written out your theological beliefs, then I encourage you to do so. It’s an eye-opening exercise.

 

I’ve also started reading two books by Richard Rohr, a Franciscan friar who founded the Center for Contemplation and Action. Contemplative Christianity is something that I began exploring in Divinity School and that I have been exploring deeper for the past decade, mostly through the concept of mindfulness—of being present right now and seeing where and how life and God are working in this moment.

 

Last night, as I was reading one of my books, “Yes, And…,” I read something that was very helpful to my disillusionment. Rohr writes about a long-standing division in Judeo-Christian tradition between the Exodus and the Leviticus/Numbers traditions. The Exodus tradition, he says, is a tradition of liberation while the Leviticus/Numbers traditions is a priestly tradition that tries to organize, control, and perpetuate the initial experience of freedom.

 

He continues to assert that while we need both traditions to hold in balance the inner experience of freedom and the outer work of holiness, we instead tend to lean one way or the other, thus creating a world of dichotomies: right or left, liberal or conservative, establishment or disestablishment, contemplative or activist. “[Both sides] really do need each other,” he writes, “but, in most of history, the priestly tradition has been in control [of] and defined religion.”

 

Did you know that the political terms right and left come from the Estates General in France? The ordinary people, most of whom were poor, sat on the left while the nobility and clergy (who upheld the priestly tradition) sat on the right. The right normally protected continuity and status quo while the left looked for change and reform. The same is true today.

 

Furthermore, much of history has been written, read, controlled, and interpreted by the right—except for “the unique revelation called the Bible, which is alternative history from the side of the enslaved, the dominated, the oppressed, and the poor, leading up to the totally scapegoated Jesus himself.”

 

The gospel of Jesus Christ is an alternative history that is much bigger than right or left or what any one tradition can hold. May we be a people about the redeeming work of Christ and seek to uphold, above all else, the liberating, life-changing, justice-love and action of God.

 

Amen.

Grateful

 

My mom had her second eye surgery yesterday.

I heard about the “gas shortage” on Tuesday.

Because I knew that my dad would be driving a lot the rest of the week,

I wrote him on Tuesday and said,

“Evidently, you need to fill up today if you can find gas.”

A little while later, he wrote me and said,

“It only took $20 to fill up your car with gas.”

I said, “Oh. Well thanks. I didn’t mean for you to fill up mine.

Did you get yours done, too?”

“Not yet,” he said.

“I hope there’s has left when you go for yourself!” I responded.

There wasn’t.

By the time he got back to the station for himself,

All of the gas was gone.

 

Thankfully, my dad’s car was relatively full of gas.

Thankfully, they’ve had enough gas to get my mom to her appointments.

Thankfully, my mom is doing okay, though she still has a ways to go before she can properly see again.

Thankfully, I was randomly driving my old car this week just to give it some exercise.

Thankfully, I have a dad who sacrificed doing for himself and instead did for me.  

 

There is so much to be grateful for.

 

What are you thankful for today?

22 Years

 

I graduated from college 22 years ago yesterday (May 9, 1999).

My car was born in 1999.

That makes both my car and me-post-graduate 22-years-old.

Here’s the funny thing:

My car’s computer calendar was only set to run for 20 years.

When 2020 rolled around, I noticed that the day and date were wrong.

Upon further examination, I realized that the system didn’t know what to do with 2020 because it was only set to keep time through 2019!

The car had limited itself to only twenty years!

That seems pretty short-sighted to me.

 

Yesterday, as we briefly reminisced about graduation day, two of my friends and I commented that it seemed just like yesterday that we graduated. The memories are so vivid in our minds.

 

Then one of my friends said, “But think about much we’ve grown since then.”

 

And that is so true.

 

In the 22-years-since 1999, my car has been driven over 336,000 miles, but my life has driven so many more. I have owned five different cars, taught for 16 years at 8 different schools, worked at three different churches, grown with four different therapists, made two CD’s, worked in full-time ministry for three years, bowled in a league, done a unit of chaplaincy, led numerous retreats, written over a decade of these posts, earned two masters degrees, traveled to Europe, made countless friends, and watched my niece and nephews grow-up right before my eyes.

 

In some ways, I am still the baby-Deanna that graduated from college 22-years-ago, but in other ways, I am a completely different person. And I am grateful.

 

I am grateful that my life’s computer-system wasn’t limited to twenty years and I’m grateful for all the ways I’ve grown.

 

When you look back over the years of your life, how do you see that you have grown? What do you celebrate as accomplishments and what do you mourn as your failures (yet possibility also your greatest teachers)?

 

How do you mark the miles of your life?

 

Oh God, you have brought us this far. Help us to keep going and to keep growing with You. Amen.

I Support The Public Schools

 

In case you didn’t know: I support the public schools.

 

I support the right to a free and appropriate education for students of all races, ethnicities, cultures, religions, socio-economic levels, genders, and levels of family support.  

 

I support teachers who, during 180 days of contact with their students, have the unparalleled opportunity to be Love to their students--to embrace them, support them, show them discipline and grace, and give them the tools that they need to become the best individuals and team players that they can be. 

 

In my estimation, teachers are the hands and feet of Love--those who, day in and day out, feed the hungry, provide water for the thirsty, welcome the outcast, clothe the naked, take care of the sick, and visit those in prison (see Matthew 25).

So teachers: Thank You. Thank you for what you have done and/or are doing to impact this world with love. The way I see it, there are few jobs more worthwhile than yours--even when the hours are long, the paperwork endless, the testing/assessments/legalities overwhelming, the colleague and parent relationships stressful, and the immediate returns not seen.  You are making a lasting impact on entire generations of students, and I believe that you will be remembered for your selfless acts of love and grace. I respect you immensely. And I love you.

And non-teachers: Consider becoming involved with the public schools. Pray for your local schools, their students and teachers, and be open to ways that you can be involved. When all Covid restriction are lifted and schools are opened back up, volunteer. Read. Tutor. Cut paper. Chaperone. Adopt a teacher. Provide her/him with supplies that slashed budgets eliminate. Provide food for students who will go home without food for the night or weekend. Provide shoes and clothes for students whose parents cannot--or will not--provide for them. Host a teacher appreciation event for a local school. Attend local school plays and concerts. As I said on Sunday, contact your legislators and speak on behalf of teachers and teacher pay. The possibilities are endless.  Please, just consider something.

Our society is only as strong as the educational system on which it stands. Our public schools are that system. May we support our public schools today.

Teacher Appreciation Week

 

This week is teacher appreciation week.

 

I will appreciate the food, gift cards, t-shirt, words of encouragement, and whatever else is coming my way.

 

I will be thankful to have a salaried job with job security (as much as any job is secure these days), affordable health insurance, cafeteria benefits, retirement options, paid time off, time to travel (or work) during the summers, and the ability to influence the lives of children (and adults) every day.

 

But I will not be thankful for or feel appreciated by the harsh reality that my salary will not increase for the next ten years—not even to account for inflation—and that when it does, it will only increase by $2000—and that’s for over 25 years of teaching experience!

                                   

I will not be thankful for or feel appreciated by the truth that my master’s degrees are not recognized as worthy of additional compensation.

 

And I will not be thankful for or feel appreciated by the fact that experience, age, and wisdom are not valued in a system that needs each of these things to properly function.

 

I understand that budgeting isn’t easy. I understand that school systems are some of the largest employers in the state. I understand that it takes billions of dollars to pay school system employees. But I don’t understand why educators in North Carolina, one of the fastest growing states in the country—especially educators with experience—are so undervalued and under-respected.

 

So…during this Teacher Appreciation Week…appreciate the educators in your life, yes. But also consider writing your State Representatives and demanding that something change in the way that NC Teacher Salaries are determined—especially for experienced teachers. Many experienced teachers feel stuck—having given so many years of their lives to a career that suddenly overlooks them but not knowing how to begin a new career so late in the game. Consider writing your County Commissioners and encouraging them to increase the local supplement offered by the County School Systems—especially for experienced teachers. Consider praying that state and local leaders will have the wisdom to distribute funding in an equitable way. And consider doing something with your church or civic groups for the teachers at your local schools…just because.

 

Teaching is a rewarding job. No other career affords such rich opportunities for influencing and growing future generations. But teaching is also a tough job…and it’s getting tougher…so let’s make sure we value our teachers today.

 

Dear God: Thank you for teachers. Give them endurance, strength, and a sense of purpose that transcends human understanding. And help us, God, to honor them with our words and our actions today and every day. Amen.