Our Present Reality

Wednesday is grocery store day for the Deaton Household. I am the designated grocery store goer. Yesterday, as I was leaving the store, I saw a man standing in a parking spot beside a riding lawn mower. It quickly became clear that the lawn mower was the man’s source of transportation. I thought his choice of transportation was sort of odd, but I’d seen someone arrive at the grocery store on a lawn mower before.

What really got me was that the man was standing in the parking lot, beside his lawn mower, mask on face, putting on his latex gloves. It took him a few minutes to get the gloves on, but once he got them, he headed into the grocery store, making sure to enter the side that said “Entrance Only…”

Last night, I went downstairs to help cook supper. My mom and I have been cooking supper almost every night. I asked her what she was making and she replied, “German Potato Salad.” She’d found a recipe, thought it sounded good, and decided to make it. She’s been trying lots of new (old) recipes lately…

This morning, my dad called me downstairs to help him with something. For the past couple of weeks, I’d been getting him into his Thursday Morning Coffee Group Zoom Meetings. He thought he needed my help again, but instead, I just stood there while he got himself into his meeting and talked with a bunch of men aged 70 and older…

This afternoon, I went to art class. We drew a fox. I’ve been going to art class every week since the pandemic hit. I’m collecting a nice little portfolio. I never get to go to art class when I’m working…

After art class, I recorded a video for my students. I posted it…

All of these things are personal signs of the times in which we are living: People riding lawnmowers to the grocery store and putting on personal protective gear before entering a store with traffic rules. My mom trying new recipes almost every meal. My dad, the technological dinosaur, Zooming on his own. Me actually being able to see some of my colleagues teach and being allowed to participate for fun. Me teaching virtually…

Whether we like it or not, most of us are surrounded by “new” things these days. Some may be good. Others may be not so good. But new realities are all around.

What are your new realities? What are your personal signs of the times? What are the things you are seeing that you didn’t think possible? I’d love to hear. And maybe by sharing, we will be reminded that we’re all in this together.

Band

I don’t remember exactly how it happened. I have a vague memory of wanting to be in band because my brother was in band. Band was a big deal in the small town where I grew up. But I don’t have a clear memory of how I came to play trumpet—except for my dad finding a trumpet for free—at a furniture store!

So I started on trumpet in the 6th grade. And I started marching in the high school band in 7th grade. And somewhere along the way, my band director asked if I’d be willing to switch to mellophone. “It’s a marching French Horn,” he said. “You play it just like trumpet. And we need the harmonies.” So I switched to mellophone for my 8th grade marching band season. And then he handed me a broken French Horn for concert season. I learned to play it all wrong. But I managed to make Governor’s School my 10th grade year and meet the woman who became my French Horn professor through college, and I’ve stayed the course with French Horn to this day.

I don’t remember exactly how it happened, but I’m so thankful that I chose band. Or that band chose me. Because sometimes we choose life. And sometimes life chooses us.

What is something that you’ve chosen or that has chosen you that you wouldn’t be the same without?

And more practically, what instrument did you once play? Your voice and the piano can be included in this discussion. Do you still play?

Please comment. I’d love to hear. It’s nice to hear good, positive news when so much in this world is sad.

Safety and Trust

Many years ago, a children’s minister told me her philosophy of children sleeping in church. She said, “The way I see it, if a child falls asleep in church, then it means he feels safe enough to sleep, and if he’s safe enough to sleep, then why not let him sleep? He’s resting in the arms of God.”

While you may or may not agree with this minister’s philosophy, it profoundly influenced me. In essence, when I see a child sleeping in my classroom, I let her sleep. I don’t freak out. I don’t get mad. I don’t punish her. I simply let her sleep for a little while and then wake her up. The way I see it, if she can sleep through music class, then she must need the rest, and if she feels safe enough to rest in my presence, then I let her rest.

Safety. Safety is so important. And safety is tied hand and hand with trust.

There are two Bible stories in which Jesus calms a storm. In one story, the disciples have gone ahead of Jesus and gotten themselves into a storm that Jesus lets rage all night before he walks on water to get to his friends and finally calm the storm. In the other story, Jesus has gotten into a boat with his friends and fallen asleep. While he is sleeping, a storm begins to rage and it continues to rage until the disciples awaken Jesus, who promptly calms the storm.

What I find so interesting about this latter story is that Jesus was sleeping. Very rarely in scripture do we hear anything about anyone sleeping, much less Jesus. But people had to sleep. And in this story, Jesus must have been tired because he fell asleep on the boat. What were the disciples doing? Were they fishing? Were they resting, too? Were they shooting the breeze? We don’t know. We just know that Jesus slept.

And if Jesus slept, then he must have felt safe. And if he felt safe, then he must have trusted the disciples to take care of him. Because safety goes hand in hand with trust.

Yes, a storm came. Yes, the disciples ended up waking Jesus because they were scared. Yes, they whom Jesus trusted ultimately put their trust in Him. But do you hear how the trust goes both ways?

The disciples trusted Jesus. And Jesus trusted his disciples. The disciples were his friends. And he has called us his friends, too.

Oh God: You are the embodiment of safety and trust, and you have entrusted us to be a people of the same. Help us to create safe spaces for the people in our lives to come and rest and help us always to have the courage to ask for help from those we trust. Amen.

On Death and Dying

I had a rough night last night. Out of nowhere, thoughts of death and dying descended upon my mind and heart and I couldn’t shake them.

It’s not so much that I’m worried about my own death and dying—other than not wanting to die alone and not wanting to leave behind a mess of stuff for unknown loved ones to sort through.

It’s that I worry about the death and dying of those I love. I think about the holes that will be left behind. I fear the silence. I worry about the gut punches that will land every time a memory appears. I think about going through stuff. I think about holidays. I think about traditions. And I am overwhelmed by sadness.

I don’t know when these thoughts began to appear and sit on my chest like bricks. It may have been when I did my unit of chaplaincy and death and dying became so very real to me. It may have been long before.

Regardless, on nights like last night, when the bricks are piled high, I’m thankful that I can look up and see the image of Jesus carrying a man who is exhausted, worn out, and left with nothing to give. I’m thankful to know that Jesus is holding me, letting me cry, hearing my fears, and reminding me to breathe.

Help us all to breathe today, God. Literally and figuratively. And for those taking their final breaths in these days, surround them with your light and love and be peace that passes understanding. Amen.

Jesus Walking On Water

I can’t remember very many times that I’ve laughed while reading scripture. But last night I chuckled and then straight up laughed while reading the accounts of Jesus walking on water.

I first read the account out of Mark and chuckled:

“When evening came, the boat was in the middle of the lake, and [Jesus] was alone on land. He was the disciples straining at the oars, because the wind was against them. About the fourth watch of the night he went out to them, walking on the lake. He was about to pass by them, but when they saw him walking on the lake, they thought he was a ghost. They cried out, because they all saw him and were terrified.”

Did anyone catch anything sort of funny in that excerpt?

It’s noteworthy that Jesus saw the disciples struggling in the evening but didn’t go out to them until the fourth watch of the night—between 3am and 6am. That’s a lot of time that Jesus let the disciples strain at the oars.

What’s funny to me, though, is that this account says that he was about to pass by them! Like…he was on a casual stroll on the lake and was just going to walk right by the boat if he wasn’t noticed! 😊 I wonder if he’d have kept going if the disciples hadn’t thought him a ghost. I wonder if he’d have passed right by them, left the disciples straining at the oars, walked to the other side of the lake, and waited for the disciples to arrive. I’m not sure how else Jesus was planning to get to the other side anyway. And I’m not sure why it took the disciples so long to get across the lake. You’d think that maybe they were hanging out in the middle of the lake so that they could go and get Jesus the next morning…

And then in John, I straight up laughed:

“…By now it was dark, and Jesus had not yet joined them. A strong wind was blowing and the waters grew rough. When they rowed three or three and a half miles, they saw Jesus approaching the boat, walking on the water, and they were terrified. But he said to them, “It is I; don’t be afraid.” Then they were willing to take him into the boat, and immediately the boat reached the shore where they were heading.”

Did anyone catch anything funny in that excerpt?

It’s noteworthy that the disciples had only rowed three to three and a half miles. There was no reason for them to be hanging out in the lake all night unless, maybe, they really were waiting to go back and get Jesus from the shore—or, maybe, they were clueless without him.

What’s funny to me, though, is that “they were willing to take him into the boat!” They were willing! Hahahaha! Imagine the scene. Jesus was standing in the lake in the middle of a storm, wet from head to toe, and they knew it was him, yet they had to decide if they were going to let him into the boat! Or at least that’s how this passage makes it sound. THEN, they were WILLING to take him into the boat. Did they really consider just leaving Jesus, a friend, their master, in the middle of the lake?! Probably. Because, when we’re scared, we do stupid things…

Dear God: When we’re straining at the oars and the storm doesn’t calm and you don’t seem to be coming to save us, help us to keep straining at the oars until we realize that you are beside us…and then help us not to be so ignorantly afraid that we consider anything other than being willing to let you in the boat. Thank you for being creative enough to walk on water. And thank you for being patient with us when we are just plain dense. Amen. And Amen.

Hammocking

I spent a few hours hammocking today—wind blowing through the trees—sun shining gently on my face.

I couldn’t help but notice just how far the trees bent back and forth—or wonder how much more so they swayed in last night’s storms—or marvel at how tall and strong they stood.

Alive and healthy, trees are resilient. They regularly withstand high winds and rain. They bend and sometimes branches break, but mostly, they stand tall in the face of storms.

It struck me as I lay in my hammock today that first responders, teachers, preachers, doctors, nurses, and other heroes of this pandemic are like that, too. Resilient. Strong. Withstanding huge amounts of stress. Bending, breaking a little, but mostly standing tall in the face of this storm.

I am grateful.

For the resiliency of the human spirit and for the courage that you give us to stand tall, oh God, we give thanks. Amen.

You Are

I keep thinking about people who are dying alone.
But I can’t think about it too much
Or else sadness overwhelms me.
So I think about it.
And then I pray for peace.
For the Prince of Peace to go and stand watch over bedsides.
For the Son of Man to manifest himself in the hands and feet of doctors, nurses, and technicians,
For the Light of the World to invade darkness,
For the alone not to feel alone,
But to know that
One is with them who, himself, died
Alone
On a cross so many years ago.
I can’t think about that too much either,
Or else sadness overwhelms me.
So I think about it.
And then I pray for peace.
For the Prince of Peace to come and stand beside me,
For the Son of Man to manifest himself in my hands and feet,
For the Light of the World to dispel darkness,
For the alone of my soul not to feel alone,
But to know that
One is with me who, himself, defeated
Alone
On a cross so many years ago.

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I sit all alone in this beautiful place
I fall on my knees but I stand on your strength
Jesus, You, You Are
I don’t understand why you’ve brought me here
To a place I’d run from, year after year but
Jesus, You, You Are

All my days full of motion, Running from here to there
Split devotions, I don’t know how to bear
Yet you’re the Way and the Truth and the Life on this path
The Sovereign Creator, the First and the Last

Jesus, You are the Life of me
You are the Light I need
You are the Great I Am
The Prince of Peace and the Son of Man
You Are

I look around all at this crazy world
Even your children go against your Word but
Jesus, You, You Are
How can just one person make a difference that lasts
When so many people are stuck in the past but
Jesus, You, You Are

Running round in circles trying to bridge the gap
But the weight of humanity is stronger than that
Yet You’re the Rock I can build on, You’re the Image of Grace
The Holy Redeemer, Love’s Relentless Face

You are the Life of me
You are the Light I need
You are the Great I Am
The Prince of Peace and the Son of Man
You Are

Here I Am Again

Most of us know the daily struggle to keep a good appearance in the front of the house. We try to keep that convenient hiding place where clutter can be thrown when guests approach, so that, to all appearances, they will find a neat house. What we don’t want them to see is the disorder in the closet.

We all have a hiding place in our personal lives, too—a place where we conceal what we don’t want others to see. We have ingenious ways of trying to forget what’s hiding—we keep very, very busy; we never take time to think; we seek continuous distractions and stay with the crowd.

But in times like these—when the world has come to a grinding halt—we find those distractions stripped away and there is no place left to hide. All of our junk begins to slap us in the face, and we are left with a decision: either continue to try to stuff it down or begin taking steps to deal with it little by little. For most of us, our issues require years of hard work to work through. But for all of us, dealing with our issues begins by taking the first step.

For me, that first step began with a prayer…

Here I am again
I come to you
I’m sorry for waiting so long

I’ve tried on my own
I’ve fought so hard
But it’s gotten me nowhere fast

I’m scared—I’m frightened of being alone
I’m tired of trying to find my way home
I’m broken in pieces—here’s my heart
I need you to heal me—I need a fresh start

Here I am again
I come to you
But I’m not even sure I know what to believe

I know you are God
That you love us
Yet sometimes it’s hard to see

In this world that thrives on foolish pride
In our churches full of the dignified
We’re the same as we were in years long past
What’s the purpose—can we affect change that lasts

Here I am again
I come to you
And this is all I know to say

Use your love to calm
This weary life
It’s the best that I can pray

I need you to fill this empty hole
That’s been growing inside of my soul
Oh I love you, I love you, I love you so
Yes I love you, I love you, I love you so

Oh God: Here we are. The world has stopped. And we, stripped of all distractions, now have the opportunity to move forward. Help us to take the steps we need to take to come closer to You who can fill the empty, oozing, and/or painful holes in our lives. We love you. Even when we don’t understand. Even when we are angry and hurting. Even when we cannot see or feel you at all. We love you. Amen.

It's Not Up To Me

There’s a lot we don’t know these days. And yet, we want to know. We want to have to it all together. We want to have it under control. It’s human nature. And yet the truth of the matter is that we’re all doing our best to move forward under quarantine. To figure out new ways to live, new ways to connect, new ways to work. And we’re struggling. And it’s confusing. Especially in the world of education. And yet…we’re doing the work. We’re figuring out what is most important and we’re making a way. We’re doing what we can and we’re doing okay. But the rest…it’s not up to us.

Oh, God: When we don’t understand and we don’t see a way. When our world is turned upside down and we’re stumbling in darkness. When everything seems overwhelming and the power of evil seems to consume. You Are. You are working in ways that we cannot see. You are guiding in ways that we cannot comprehend. You are doing what we cannot do. So help us to do that which we can and to leave the rest up to you and to others who must do their part. We love you and place our trust in you, even in the unknowing. Amen.

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I don’t have to make them like me
That’s not my call
I don’t have to make them listen
That’s not my call
I don’t have to mend their broken hearts
That’s not my call
I don’t have to save their souls
That’s not my call
And I thank God for it all
‘Cause

I don’t know what to say
and I don’t know what to do
and I don’t know how to act
and I don’t know how to feel
Oh I don’t know what to say
But that is okay
‘Cause it’s not up to me
It’s not up to me (3x)

All I have to do is love them
That is my call
All I have to do is serve them
Even when I fall
All I have to is say
Lord, here I am
Use me for your glory
Lord, use me for your plan
Even when

I don’t know what to say
and I don’t know what to do
and I don’t know how to act
and I don’t know how to feel
Oh I don’t know what to say
But that is okay
‘Cause it’s not up to me
It’s not up to me (3x)

I don’t have to impress them
That’s not my call
I don’t have to make them cry
That’s not my call
I don’t have to be perfect
That’s not my call
I don’t have to know all the answers
That’s not my call
And I thank God for it all

I don’t know what to say
and I don’t know what to do
and I don’t know how to act
and I don’t know how to feel
Oh I don’t know what to say
But that is okay
‘Cause it’s not up to me
It’s not up to me (3x)