Life Impacting Moment: When A Former Student Dies

*Last week, after one of my former students unexpectedly died, his family asked me to sing "Beautiful Boy" at his funeral. They also requested that I say a few words to honor his life. The following words are what emerged after a week of prayer and struggle. My deepest prayer was--and is--that these words speak exactly what needs to be said--and in exactly the way it needs to be heard. Amen and Amen.*

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I drove here this afternoon directly from work. Today, I taught music to a little over one hundred students, completing my week of six hundred. In my ten years of teaching, I’ve taught thousands of students—some of whom I remember clearly—some of whom, sadly, I do not. Andrew Thomas is a student that I remember.

As a 3rd grader at Gentry, Andrew was one of the first students I ever taught. As a 5th grader at Erwin, Andrew was one of the first students from Erwin that I took to Harnett Off Broadway. We played boomwhackers that year—and did the Chicken Dance—and did something with “Sugar Sugar.” The kids dressed in jeans and a white t-shirt—hair slicked back—the 60’s look—and joined together with students from Gentry to dramatically end the performance—which was something that we did every year for six years. Andrew was part of that first group of students…and he was part of figuring out what to do when a student has so much energy that he cannot sit still or stop drumming—or stop talking .

If I’m honest, though—and I’ve been forced to be honest with myself all week—I remember Andrew not so much because he was my student—but because he is John and Sherry’s son, Jonathan and Mary Kathryn’s brother—and because he died much too young…

One of my favorite Psalms is Psalm 139. Listen to its words now:
1 O LORD, you have searched me and known me.
2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from far away.
3 You search out my path and my lying down,
and are acquainted with all my ways.
4 Even before a word is on my tongue,
O LORD, you know it completely.
5 You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is so high that I cannot attain it.
7 Where can I go from your spirit?
Or where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I ascend to heaven, you are there;
if I make my bed in Sheol, you are there.
9 If I take the wings of the morning
and settle at the farthest limits of the sea,
10 even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light around me become night,”
12 even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is as bright as the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For it was you who formed my inward parts;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
that I know very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes beheld my unformed substance.
In your book were written
all the days that were formed for me,
when none of them as yet existed.
17 How weighty to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 I try to count them—they are more than the sand;
I come to the end—I am still with you.
19 O that you would kill the wicked, O God,
and that the bloodthirsty would depart from me—
20 those who speak of you maliciously,
and lift themselves up against you for evil!
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against you?
22 I hate them with perfect hatred;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my thoughts.
24 See if there is any wicked way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
I don’t understand how life happens to us, folks. I don’t understand why the pathway seems so smooth for some but so bumpy for others. I don’t understand why some of us struggle with deep darkness while others of us do not. I don’t understand why some of us emerge from that darkness while others cannot find the way out. I don’t get it, friends. I truly don’t get it.

But I do get this:

• God is an inescapable God who loves us. When darkness surrounds us, God is there. When we feel that our pain is so great that it will consume us, God is there. When we feel joy so deep that it radiates through our bodies, God is there. And not only that, but God is big enough to hear our raw, honest prayers along the way and to wait with us as those prayers are being answered. God was with Andrew Thomas.
• God is a God of love—of redemption—of community. And God did not create us to go at life alone. We are born from another and connected to humanity through both life and death. Andrew’s life made a difference to those who loved him, and Andrew’s death will make a difference in ways that only time will tell.
• God created each of us in our mother’s wombs and called each of us good. God knitted each one of us together and called each of us beautiful. Andrew Thomas was a beautiful boy.

From all that I’ve gathered, Andrew’s path was one mixed with joys and sorrows and both his happiness and darkness were very real. But so was the love of God and of the people in his life—the people who have helped me remember him—the people who are here to honor his life today.

Before you go to sleep tonight, friends, say a prayer.
It may not seem like it now,
But every day, in every way,
Through God’s time and redemption
Life really will get better.

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BEAUTIFUL BOY (DARLING BOY) by John Lennon

Close your eyes, have no fear, the monster's gone, he's on the run
And your daddy's here
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy

Before you go to sleep, say a little prayer
Everyday, in every way it's getting better and better
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy

Out on the ocean, sailing away
I can hardly wait to see you come of age
But I guess we'll both just have to be patient!
Cause it's a long way to go! A hard row to hoe!
Yes it's a long way to go
But in the meantime....

Before you cross the street take my hand
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy

Before you go to sleep, say a little prayer
Everyday, in every way it's getting better and better
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy

Darling, darling, darling
Darling boy.