In 2007, after many years of running, I hit rock bottom and entered into a dark depression. The deep shame that I felt for being myself crept to the surface and consumed me with a pain that I could not deny. In my utter brokenness, pushing through an almost paralyzing fear, I found just enough strength to begin counseling. Counseling changed my life.
Over the past six years, I have learned a new way of being. Through countless hours of hard work and many buckets of prayerful tears, I have begun to live through the lenses of loving-kindness, authenticity, mindfulness, and unconditional friendship with myself. I have also gained a new understanding of compassion. My view of God has opened and expanded, and my belief in humanity has become less rigid and more organic, allowing me to live with a hope and peace that I had never known. I have realized that all of life is connected and that through this connection we are never alone.
Mark 12:28-34 (NIV) says:
One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?” “The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel, Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” “Well said, teacher,” the man replied. “You are right in saying that God is one and there is no other but Him. To love Him with all your heart, and with all your understanding, and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices.” When Jesus saw that he had answered wisely, He said to him, “You are not far from the kingdom of God.”
According to Jesus, to be near the kingdom of God is to love God with everything that we are and to love our neighbor as ourselves. As. Ourselves. If we are fully to love others, then we must fully love ourselves. And if we are fully to love ourselves, then we must fully love God.
This Lenten season, my prayer for each of you is that you will allow God to love you and to speak to your spirit by transforming your emotions, spirit, intelligence, and body through the spiritual disciplines. As you look inward and see yourself as you really are, may you not pass harsh judgment on what you see but acknowledge that your reality is much the same as those around you. We are all broken individuals in search of wholeness through God’s redemptive grace. May you catch a glimpse of that wholeness and use it to reach beyond yourself in love.
Peace and joy be yours…
D
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This weekend, I'll be leading a women's retreat at Luke Gaston. I’m currently finalizing the retreat curriculum and working on participant booklets, trying to get everything finished before my next on-call on Wednesday. Today, in between meetings at the hospital, I’ve worked on the booklet introduction, and that introduction is what I have shared with you tonight.
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